Soulless Child
by BumbaMumbaJimJams
Summary: A series of events leaves Brittany in a catatonic state. Will Santana be able to wake her and will Brittany be able to fight her way back into life?
1. Chapter 1

**Something I thought of while listening to Soulless Child by Laura Marling.**

Santana opened the door. It was dark, like the night had claimed this room as it's own. She heard ragged breathing so she knew Brittany was in there somewhere. Wrapped up in all of the darkness, which seemed to have become a part of her. Once theLatina's eyes got used to the darkness she could make out a the shape of brittany sitting in the corner of the room mumbling to herself. Santana made her way over to the blonde but stopped a few meter away from her as to not scare her. She slowly and gently made her way over to the blond, but she seemed too out of it to even notice the Latina.

It scared Santana even more because although it always hurt he when Brittany flinched away when she approached she at least reacted to her being in the room but know it seemed as if she wasn't really there. As is she left and only her body remained.

"Britt you have to get up. Please Britt you have to eat something." Santana tried to convince her with a calm voice.

After some more attempts nothing came back. So the Latina began lifting the seemingly lifeless blonde off the floor to carry her to the kitchen. She hoped that the smell of food would at least trigger brittany's survival instinct to kick in since she hasn't eaten for 4 days. Again.

It wasn't easy taking care of brittany since she had a really hard time get her to eat. for a shower she could always grab her and do the work more or less herself but she couldn't eat for Brittany. As all of it began brittany had to be fed though a tube as she was getting dangerously skinny. Today Brittany was still only a ghost of the woman Santana remembers but she healther but still thin.

"Look Britt Britt I mad your pancakes in the shape of ducks. And i even got maple sirup."

Still no response. Santana held up a piece of pancake in front of Brittany's mouth but she didn't even blink.

This was one of the bad days Santana expierienced. Normally Brittany could be kicked out of her own world to at least eat or shower but today she seemed stuck. What worried the Latina even more was the silent tears that were flowing down her face.

Santana new what the blonde was trapped in and it was heartbreaking. She knew Brittany was fighting her demons over and over even when she was awake. She couldn't shake them off, but as the months passed by the strangled screams and sobs susided and were replaced by these silent tears. they just flowed out without brittany as much as moving her face but her eyes told her story further than words could ever explain. You could see in her eyes that she was terrified as well as scared for life with a sadness that forced her into this state.

"Please B, eat at least a little bit. I don't want to admit you to the hospital again. They will force you to eat through the feeding tube and i know you don't like that. Please just eat for me. Please." Santana was now on the verge of tears but Brittany moved and began to eat.

At last. She didn't know if it were her pleas or just the metion of the feeding tube that got Brittany to eat but she thanked god for every bite Brittany took.

When she was finished Santana lead her into the bathroom wo clean her up. She undressed her and sat her gently into the bath tub. She started running water until it was warm and cozy and began to wash the blondes body. She gently massaged her scalp, while washing blonde locks and gently tucked her into a towel when she finished.

She brushed her teeth and hair, dressed her and tuck her into bed. She wanted to leave the room but decided against it. Instead she closed the door and sat down against it. After a while without even realizing she silently started singing

"You wont even look at yourself in the mirror anymore.  
>Can't tell dream from reality.<br>I couldn't take it so i opened your door,  
>I saw things i should never see.<br>Someone you look up to crying in their bed, someone you want to be losing their head.

Soulless Child once so wild  
>Now a shadow of what they used to be, they used to be so close to me.<br>Soulless Child once so wild  
>Now a ghost roaming endless halls thinking that she gets no calls."<p>

and drifted off to sleep preparing for another day.

** A/N: So please let me know what you think. This is my first attempt to write anything that doesn't seem like crap yet. So let me know if I should tray again or can actually keep going with this one :P And sorry for mistakes but really it's late and I'm tired.**


	2. Chapter 2

**First a big thank you to everybody that's reading this and especially to IamEverythingYouWant and Love-Brittana for actually taking the time to review. You made my day :)**

Santana woke up still leaning against Brittany's door. Sighing she got up and saw that the blonde wasn't lying in her bed anymore. In fact she wasn't even in the room. Santana was alarmed and leapt to her feet to search, if necessary, every inch of the apartment. But she didn't have to as almost inaudible sobs came from the bathroom. She found Brittany sitting in the bath tub filled with water. At first she thought Brittany wanted to commit suicide but she knew better than that. No it was ice cold water and it seemed Brittany wanted to purify herself because she kept muttering sorry over and over.

Instincts took over as the Latina pulled her out of the tub dried her off and brought her back into her room to get fresh clothes. It have been exactly six months since the _incident_.

Santana did her best to handle working and taking care of Brittany. Luckily Quinn let her set her own work hours as long as she got her work done. It wasn't even necessary to come to the office so she could get the work done at home in front of her laptop. She always imagined being a full fledged lawyer but seeing that Brittany's condition didn't improved she started working for Quinn and was now more or less a secretary. She had left university with hope to return when Brittany got better.

So after getting some work done Santana heard the doorbell ring.

She opened the door and was greeted by a fuming Quinn "Really San this bitch is driving me nuts, I wish you were there to go all Lima heights on her ass."

"Whoa slow down there tiger. Is Lauren making a fuss again?" Santana had to chuckle cause Quinn had ranted almost every time they met about one of her new employees who just couldn't shut up even to superiors.

"I mean I would have fired her but well Puck has taken a liking to her and well half of the firm is his." Quinn wanted to star her own law firm but lacked capital so she borrowed money from him. Apparently the girls in Hollywood thought his perverted ways were charming so he was earning quiet a lot of money. "So.. how is Britt today?" Quinn asked trying to keep her voice nonchalantly as she sat down on the living room couch.

Every time she visited Quinn swore that the apartment looked duller. The living room walls were painted in a nice and warm yellow but as Brittany's "absence" drew it seemed to pale. The once nice bright kitchen was messy most of the time because Santana had her hands full with work and Brittany and well the master bedroom became Brittany's sanctuary so it was always dark and messy because Santana didn't want to invade for things like cleaning up.

"I really don't know. She is even more withdrawn than usual she doesn't even care about who is near her like she isn't even aware that she is still here." Santana was more or less talking to her pants cause she didn't know if she could talk to Quinn without staring to sob.

"Have you considered admitting her to the hospital? I mean last time she was checked in because she wasn't eating enough except from the few sessions after the _incident _she never talked to anyone." Quinn was careful because she knew that with one false word she would summon all of Santana's defense mechanisms up.

" Q, she is fucking doing nothing. How do you expect a therapist to work on her. I mean she won't take any medication as you might have noticed. You have to force them down her throat and I'm not sure if that is the cure." Santana was now very much screaming at the girl right in front of her.

Quinn could understand where the Latina was coming from, as she was the one who took Brittany in and cared for her for now six months but she was also concerned for Brittany, one of her best friends, and didn't think the Latinas approach to gently let her come back to her senses was working anymore.

"Well I don't like the idea as much as you, but this can't go on Santana. She isn't getting better. Perhaps you have to force the help she needs on her." Quinn wasn't screaming as Santana expected her to but she was pleading as the tears ran down her cheeks.

Santana didn't realize it but they were both very much crying and just as Santana wanted to engulf Quinn in a tight hug Brittany entered the room.

She was walking like a corpse muttering "I'm sorry" under her breath over and over. She didn't know what exactly made her do it but something in Santana snapped. She ran over to Brittany took her by the shoulders slammed her into the wall and slapped her hard across the face "For fucks sake B you have to snap out of it! You can't go on like this you're killing yourself, your killing me. Can't you see that! There are people that need you here so you have to come back to us. Please!" Just as Quinn was leaping up to punch sense into Santana for attacking Brittany like that Brittany looked at Santana. It was the first time in 6 months that she really looked at Santana. "It was all my fault San, and now they are dead and I'm here. I want to say how sorry I am I want to be there again and this time I want to be brave... But I can't..I can't...I can't..." Santana didn't know to do anything else but hug Brittany as if her life depended on it. She carefully kissed the top of her head and cradled her like a baby in her arms whispering words of comfort into her ear, while Brittany sobbed into her shoulder.

After some time the sobs subsided and Brittany fell asleep due to pure exhaustion and was put back to bed by Quinn and Santana.

**A/N: So well I'm planning to introduce the whole "incident" in the next chapter, but I still want to give you insight on what happened before this. Like a short summary of how Britt and Santana lived their lives. This was a try to illustrate what Santana is doing and stuff. So if you are not tired of me yet please review :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi there. At first a big thank you to all that put this on story alert or even put this story on favorite. Special thanks here to kempokarate12 and nurulayin for reviewing! :)**

**Oh and and before I forget it again:**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story. If they were mine "Lady babies" would be so on :D**

Santana stood in front of the hospital. It has been 3 days since Brittany's first sign of being alive and not being just a living corpse. She was feeling uncomfortable because her last visit wasn't particularly pleasant. She had more or less insulted the present staff, because they weren't taking care of Brittany fast enough. But apparently a guy who shoved a light bulb into his own ass was more important than a traumatized, skeleton thin blonde.

But today Santana was only here to talk to Dr. Mo. Well Dr. Morhagda but Santana thought it was easier to shorten his name. She came here today because of the last time she and Quinn talked about Brittany getting psychological help.

It wasn't that Santana hadn't cared enough for help for the blonde but she remembered the doctor's words right after the incident as if they were spoken to her moments ago. "She is facing a state we call catatonic immobility. It means that she will stay in one pose or state of mind for a certain amount of time. This is a psychological disorder, which means we can't pin point when the patient is actually there with us. I have to warn you Ms. Lopez as you are Ms. Pierce guardian that this state can be held up for months. What is important is that you consult us if anything happens or Ms. Pierce shows any signs of improvement. Because this is the only time we can hope to get access to her without having to take forceful measures."

So that's whats bringing Santana to the hospital leaving Britt in Quinn's care.

She entered the tall grey building rather fast to avoid the nurses and mostly all hospital staff and went straight to Dr. Mo's office. She knocked a couple of times before a deep voice told her to come in.

Dr. Mo said in his leather chair in front of a massive marble desk. There was a huge contrast between the voice and the man himself. Dr. Mo was only slightly taller than her and was rather slim but his deep voice carried an air of authority so that people would pay him the respect.

"Well hello Ms. Lopez I don't think we had an appointment?" He seemed rather surprised by her visit, but not unpleasantly so.

"You said to come by when anything changed and last night well it was the first time she kind of snapped out of it. I mean it was just for a few seconds but she looked me in the eye and talked to me. That has to be at least some improvement?" Dr. Mo could her the the hope in the young Latina's question.

"It is certainly an improvement. If I remember Ms. Pierce has been catatonic for half a year now. I guess given the circumstances it is understandable that the condition has been keeping up for so long. But what is important now Ms. Lopez is what happened after the little "outburst" you described. Has Ms. Pierce showed any more signs of being clearly conscious?" Dr. Mo had to be careful. As far as he new Brittany Pierce could have gone back into her immobility the minute she stopped talking.

"Well I'm not really sure if this is an improvement but she has been kind of catching up with her cat a bit. I mean normally the cat worshiped the ground she walked on but after the incident he avoided her. Right after the outburst he started to cuddle up to her again and I think there was one or two times I saw her actually stroking him."

Dr. Mo seemed to be in thought and Santana was observing his face closely, every move of his eyebrow just to decide if what she had just said was stating that Britt's condition was indeed getting better. It was just a small spark of hope but it was the first in six months and she was not about to let it go just yet.

"This seems indeed to be an improvement and as you know animals are said to be really perceptive of the mood coming from a person and it seemed to sense that Ms. Pierce was dead to the world, which made him react to her as not being there. It is not the first time this type of behavior has been noticed. But the really important issue is that the cat was stroked it means at least a little part of Ms. Pierce must be connected to the outside of her state because she is clearly responding to influences outside her self imprisonment. As you have stated the last time you were here you don't want Ms. Pierce to be forced to take anything against her will. I'm still not keen on the idea but as she seems to finally start to get at least more aware I would highly recommend you to start making her aware. It can be though talking or just like the cat try to bring her to respond to holding her hand or anything you can think of maybe a hug. Just try to get through to her."

"I will doctor thank you!"

Santana just wanted to get home and do something with Brittany. It was like the first ray of light on a summers day. It was promising for even better things to come and the young Latina was now smiling slightly in anticipation of what was to come.

She came home to Quinn sitting in the living room reading a magazine and Brittany still looking totally out of it next to her.

"Hey San, I tried to speak to her and stuff. Well as you can see nothing special happened. I'm glad you came by now cause I just got a phone call from the white rhino also known as Ms. Lauren Zizes that Mr. Hollister, who we represent in court nest month has come in and wants to see me ASAP. So I kind of have to go. I'll call you later so you can fill me in about what the doctor said."

"Okay and thank you for watching Britt for me." Santana called after her. Quinn turned around smiled and mouthed "Always." before disappearing out of the door.

They were once again alone in their apartment.

Brittany sat motionless on the couch and Santana saw tears flowing down her face again only this time she was sobbing quiet audibly so the Latina pulled her up from the couch and moved her onto the Queen sized bed in their bedroom. The Latina was used to Brittany not responding to physical contact and she didn't mind she just wanted to be near her so she lay next to her and cradled her like a new born and whispering words of comfort into her soft blonde locks.

_Brittany was there. Again. The image stuck to her day and night. It didn't matte if she was awake or not the image had burned itself into her mind. She was at the dance studio choreographing steps with her crew when he came in. It all happened again in a blur. He pulled out a gun and in her head just resonated his voice "Should I kill you?" "No please don't kill me" it was her own voice drenched in fear and so far away. "But who should I kill instead?" Her mind goes blank and the only thing she can see is red and just as she is about to succumb to the darkness she can feel a faint warmth. She clings to it for dear life and for the first time what seemed like years the image seems to fade a bit. So that she can at least hope to fall into dreamless slumber to leave it behind her, if only for a moment._

The Latina wakes up with a start and realizes she is still in bed with Brittany. Still holding her tight. The blonde hadn't responded to her embrace and it was a little bit disappointing for the Latina who had hoped that she could get through to the blonde.

Just as she was about to lay down again she noticed that it wasn't all in vain. In fact a pale pinky had sneaked itself around her own and squeezed tightly. As if it was an anchor holding her in place.

**A/N: So I guess now you have a good idea about what happened in general to Brittany. I hope I can update again tomorrow so enjoy and review please :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**I can't say it often enough thank you all for reviewing, putting this story on alert or on favorite. You are rockin' my world :P**

**Not really happy with this one but I really wanted to update so I hope you enjoy this.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. But I wouldn't mind if I did.**

"So basically he told you to cuddle up to her as much as possible?" Quinn seemed disappointed.

"Exactly Q. Good you got that too. But haven't you been listening to me at all? He said it's improvement and you haven't said anything at all about the whole she-grabbed-my-pinky-like-old-times-thing." Santana was slightly taken aback by Quinn's lack of enthusiasm.

"Well San I'm really happy that she has made progress but it's been six months til anything happened at all. For all I know she could be back to lifeless in a matter of seconds. Don't get me wrong I'm so happy that her condition seems to improve but I can't get my hopes up so that they are crushed again. I can't lose one of my best friends again. It hurts enough as it is. You of all people should understand this San."

"Q you of all people should understand that I am willing to hope for everything and cling to anything that shows even in the slightest a possibility for her to recover. She is it Q. I mean I never told her really but she is everything I ever wanted. And now after we have just really got each other she was ripped away. But I'm willing to wait and if I have to wait until I'm old and wrinkly I will. We can't abandon hope. We have to be the ones to be strong for her Q. Of course we will be down if it turns out that this was just a phase and she begins to shut off completely again, but until it comes to this we have to fight for her. Right now she can't fight for herself. She has given up. How can we demand that she snaps out of it and begins to hope for better days when we are not willing to do that?"

Quinn was speechless and felt awful. The Latina was right. They had to be strong for Brittany. Santana lay her heart out there ready for it to be crushed if Brittany didn't get better. And when she thinks about it Santana had so much more to lose than she had. Sure Brittany was one of her best friends but can you bare to lose the person you love since you were six?

_"So San can I call you my girlfriend now?" Brittany insisted and Santana blushed furiously._

_"I guess we are girlfriends now." Santana heard a childish squeal from the blonde as she crashed their lips together._

_"Finally. You don't know how long I have waited for this. I mean after we moved to New York I thought you would come around soon. But it has surprisingly enough taken you five months of beating around the bush and ogling me while you thought I wasn't looking." If possible the Latina blushed even deeper._

_"I didn't ogle you." Santana tried to imitate Brittany's famous pout which made the blonde laugh._

_"Really San you will never ever master that pout."_

_"Fine but still let's not dwell on the past I mean I am here now to tell you that I want to be with you." _

_"Yeah and it makes me incredibly happy. We can take the next steps together and see what the future has in store for us." Santana smirked at that " You have been reading way to many Science-Fiction novels. You start sounding like those omniscent narrators from Star Trek." _

_"Am not. How do you manage it to always ruin the mood? I mean I was just telling you that I'm looking forward to our future and.. " she was silenced with a passionate kiss._

_"I know Britt, and I feel the same." _

"Santana? Are you still there? I'm sorry about what I said I know you are right. I'm just really scared for Britt. Say something. Please. Fine bitch I'm hanging up!" Before Santana was back from her little flashback Quinn had already hung up and was now royally pissed for sure. The Latina looked around her eyes scanning for Brittany. The apartment they shared used to be so warm and homey to her. Nowadays it seemed more like a prison than anything else. But when she thought back to this morning and Brittany holding onto her pinky it gave her the strength to actually see all the good memories that lay here. Although Britt and Santana had only been dating offically for 3 weeks before the incident happened they had been best friends for much longer that. There were happy memories everywhere in the apartment and the Latina was determined to hold onto them.

Brittany had been lying in bed all day and as cuddling was now an official therapy exercise she slid in next to her and started to gather her in a tight embrace. Just like all these times before when Brittany was younger and would only fall back to sleep if the Latina hold her as tight as she could protecting her from everything and nothing at the same time.

"You know Britts even though I don't really now if you can hear me and we have not been dating long I want to tell you that I love you. I missed my chance before the incident. Fuck it let's call it by the name before this psycho came into the dance studio and decided just because he was off the crew he could go on a bloody rampage. I don't know exactly what happened there and I may never fully understand the pain that you are enduring but you have to know that no one blames you. We just want you back. I want you back. I miss your smile in the morning, you dancing around the living room hell I even miss you scolding Lord Tubbington for smoking. Come back to me," Santana whispered into her ear while softly stoking her blonde hair. Before she even knew it she had started singing into Brittany's ear. A concert just for the two of them.

"Come with me my love

To the sea  
>The sea of love<br>I want to tell you  
>How much I love you<p>

Do you remember  
>When we met?<br>That's the day I knew you were my pet  
>I want to tell you<br>How much I love you

Come with me my love  
>To the sea<br>The sea of love  
>I want to tell you<br>How much I love you"

_Everything was red again but just as last time there was this warmth. And this time she thought she could her a voice. Not his growl and the banging of his gun. It was a soothing voice. It lulled her in. All the screaming in her head subsided. They weren't screaming anymore. They weren't bleeding anymore. All was still except for the voice. It was so soothing and familiar. She wanted to see who it was she wanted to remember where it came from and why it made her feel so at home. She was struggling against everything her body told her. Her body wanted her to shut down to lay still because this seemed like the easiest way to hide from the pain that lay even deeper in her mind than the space she had fled to. But know there was this voice and this warmth and it was more soothing than any denial had been so far. She began to ask herself if it has been there all the time. If she had just been to far away to notice it._

Santana felt Brittany squirming in her arms. She was struggling against an invisible force. She didn't now what to do so she just held her tighter and put her hand on her head hoping that her slow heart beat would calm her down. Not the case at all. It made everything worse. If it wasn't for Santana's hold on the blonde she would be thrashing about on the bed. Santana began singing again trying to calm the blonde.

_Brittany was thinking really hard. There was the voice again. Why couldn't she recognize it? She wanted to remember so badly. She realized that if she wanted to find the voice she had to go back to the dance studio. But right in this moment she didn't care. She wanted to remember, to recognize this voice. She looked around and she was again in the dance studio all around her were corpses and it hurt. It hurt so bad and she felt guilty more than ever in her life. Still she had to go on cause behind this was the voice and the person she wanted to get back to. She had climbed over the corpses and was at the door. She felt cold metal press against her temple. "Where do you think you're going?" It was his voice. Brittany froze. Would she be able to open the door before he pulled the trigger? _

**A/N: Please review and tell me what you think :) Well I'm also happy if you just read :P **


	5. Chapter 5

**As always thanks for your support it means a lot to me! :) **

**I found this chapter really hard to write as it is a crucial moment in my eyes and I didn't want to mess it up. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own any character of this story. **

Santana was sleeping soundly. She had problems sleeping since the incident but on today she woke up felt good. She got up stretched and just as she was about to leave the room she noticed that Brittany wasn't anywhere to be seen. She ran around the room looked in the closet and under the bed. Nothing. She ran into the bathroom, into the living room and still nothing. She went to the the kitchen and saw Brittany sitting there sipping a glass of orange juice. Santana was frozen in place. She didn't dare to move or speak. She was mesmerized by the sole image of her girlfriend siting in the kitchen and sipping a glass of juice.

Santana decided to walk into the kitchen and make her presence known. Eyes not moving from her girlfriend form. Brittany noticed eyes on her and looked up. Their eyes locked onto each other.

Santana had pictured this moment since the incident but nothing could have prepared her for this. Brittany was clearly looking at her, and you could see that this time there was indeed a mind under this blonde locks but the normal tender gaze was gone. Brittany seemed cold and withdrawn. There was barely any emotion showing on her face.

"You're back?" it was all Santana managed to say.

"Yeah I am. At least I think I am." the blonde whispered while her face turned into a grimace that was supposed to be a smile.

Santana reached out and gently cupped Brittany's cheek. "You are Britt. You are home." brown eyes came closer as she leaned down and placed her lips on Brittany's with as much tenderness as she could.

But suddenly Brittany pushed her away. The Latina almost hit the floor and the blonde was on her feet and breathing hard. "Don't please just don't." Brittany ran out of the room and locked herself inside the bathroom.

Brittany just couldn't comprehend what was happening to her. The last she remembered she was still in her head. In the dance studio with a gun pointed at he head right in front of the door. But then she remembered. She pushed open the door and ran as fast as she could with his last words ringing in her ear, _"You can't run from me. I'll always be there and I have what you fear and need the most! You are mine!"_

She had escaped she was sure of it, because the moment she woke up she was in her apartment in Santana's arms. She knew instantly that something was terribly wrong.

She felt Santana's warmth but at the same time nothing. Normally her body burned everywhere the Latina touched her beggin' for more but this time there was just nothingness. She didn't feel her heart swell at Santana's cute sleeping face and what scared her the most was that she couldn't even feel the love she knew she had for the girl beside her.

The encounter in the kitchen was terrifying. Santana was perfect in every sense of the word but she just couldn't bare being with her when she really wasn't and couldn't.

She didn't know what to do. She couldn't just got out here and tell the love of her life that she just didn't feel anything. That she couldn't feel their love anymore that she was there but felt drained and dead. The only thing she could begin to feel was deep, anguish. It nagged at her fragile soul. But she couldn't even express this.

She knew that once she came back she would have to deal with all of the pain. The scenes inside her head were just the beginning. Never though had she imagined to feel this numb and empty.

Santana sat down on the other side of the bathroom door, trying to comprehend what just happened.

"Britt I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you out of the blue I mean you're just back and I assault you like this. Please come out of there. I'm sorry. Please talk to me."

Brittany didn't answer. She spent two hours sitting in front of the bathroom door trying to get Brittany out of there. Santana soon realized that she needed help and called the only person who she thought could make a difference.

"Okay bitch I'm still not really happy with last time. I mean you totally let me down on the phone and I don't want to put up with your shit again. So you better have a good explanation for the call or I'm gonna..." Quinn was interrupted by Santana with four words that immediately ended the phone call "Britt needs you NOW."

Quinn didn't question anything Santana said. She grapped her coat and made her way out of the office. It took her 20 minutes to get to the apartment. She had a spare key so she let herself in. She found Santana leaning against the bathroom door.

"What happened San?" Quinn eyed her friend suspiciously.

"She's awake Quinn. I wanted to talk to her and I kissed 'cause I really missed her but she freaked out and said that I shouldn't do this and ran inside here. I have been apologizing for two hours now but she won't come out Quinn. I mean I don't know what's going on." Santana was rambling and clearly upset. But more than that concerned and hurt.

"San go sit down in the living room I'll try to talk to her." Santana wanted to argue but Quinn gave her a look that said not to argue with her. Pointless to say that she was desperate for Britt to come out of the bathroom so she just obliged. She went straight to the living room couch lay down on the couch with her knees hugging her chest.

Quinn lightly tapped the door before she began to speak "B, it's Quinn. Come on please open up. If you are still mad at San I banned her to the living room. She won't bug you." There came no response. She tapped the door again this time a little stronger. "Please B, let me in. I won't try to kiss you I promise. " She tried to joke and lighten the mood because she had no idea in which state she would find Brittany. She waited there at the door, begging the blonde to let her in. She quietly waited for a response.

The door opened slowly as if careful that no one can slip in. Quinn knew this was her only chance so she stood up moved passed the door and watched Brittany close it again fast. The lock clicked and Quinn tensed. She had no idea what she was going to do, since it was always Santana who could calm Brittany down and get her to open up.

Quinn was still waiting for Brittany to turn around so she could look her in the eyes while they talked. And as the blonde turned around Quinn observed her face. She saw tears running down her cheeks and her puffy eyes. Her lips were dry and trembling slightly. She must have been crying for a while now. What she couldn't see was a crack in the mask that was supposed to be her face. You couldn't see any emotion.

Brittany was desperate. She needed someone but couldn't talk to Santana. She felt trapped in her own body and when she finally turned around and looked into Quinn's eyes she knew she could trust her. There was a mix of hurt and fear. But what struck the most was compassion and love. She knew that Quinn and her were like sisters, which made her break down.

"Quinn, I can't feel anything. I'm awake I now that but when I look at Santana I just feel nothing. I can't smile cause I don't feel happy. I cried my eyes out today but that was just a body reaction I don't really feel sad. I just get all those thoughts that it's bad and stuff but i don't really feel it. It's like theres this big void in my body that once was stuffed with feelings and now they are gone. Lost or buried under all the pain I carry but can't express. How am I supposed to tell San that I can't feel my love for her or that I feel absolutely nothing when she kisses me? I can't break her heart like that. I can't do that to her. I mean how long have I been out of it? I know she took care of me." Her brain fumed as Quinn tried to process all the pieces of information that Brittany has just thrown her way. She was afraid to say something wrong and upset Brittany even more.

"Britt it's been six months since, you know, the incident. And yes San has been taking care of you. The doctor said you suffered from catatonic immobility. It's a disorder that can kind of disable the body. Well in your case it was more of a temporary mind lock. You sometimes moved around and stuff but you were never really here. But now that you're here again you can start to really get better."

"Six months? How did she manage to pay the bills? I mean this is a shared apartment.? What about her classes?" She knew she couldn't let this discussion go on she had to talk to Brittany about her treatment options or rather get her to talk to Santana. She had been the one in contact with Dr. Mo. Not to mention that it was really scary to see the once so bubbly blonde talking without changing her facial expression.

"Britt don't worry too much about that right now. As you can see she has been able to handle everything and you're both still here. What you should concentrate on now is to get better. And you have to talk to Santana. She has talked with this doctor that has been in charge of you since the accident and I know that they seem to have at least a bit of a plan on how to help you." the response was immediate.

"I don't need a doctor. I just need time to figure this thing out. I mean I'm awake." Quinn started to get agitated.

"Britt yes you are awake but you have to see that this is where the real work starts. I don't know what you went through in your head but this time you have to really work out this shit that has kept you there. And although I'm no doctor I can tell you that you're numbness is definitely connected to what happened at that dance studio and I know you know it too." At the mention of the dance studio Brittany pulled her hands over her ears. " I'm out of there Quinn. I don't have to go back", she was shouting now "he has no power over me here. I'm free now." With that she sank down on the ground. She hugged her knees tightly and started muttering "I'm free. He's gone" over and over again.

Alarmed over the shouting she heard Santana banging against the door. Quinn opened the door for her and she felt Santana hold onto her for support. Seeing Brittany crying on the bathroom floor made her heart break all over again. Especially knowing that she couldn't comfort her this time. She didn't dare go near her again without the blondes permission afraid that she would be scared and reject her again.

"What happened Quinn?" The blonde just shook her head. "We talked and when I mentioned the shooting she began shouting and then ended like this on the floor" She was prepared for Santana shouting at her even hitting her for making Brittany miserable and remember but the Latina did neither of these things. Instead she gave the blonde a quick hug and said "The real fight has just begun."

**A/N: Please review :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**So heres Chapter 6. As always thank to all you awesome people putting this on alert and/or favorite. And of course those who review(ed): You are the best ! :) **

Life was hard. It has been a week since Brittany awoke. She was avoiding Santana and only spoke to her when absolutely necessary. Santana tried to be careful not to frighten her or whatever emotion she felt when she was near the blonde. She asked Quinn if she knew what was wrong but Quinn was determined that it was not her place to tell her what was wrong.

Quinn came over on a daily basis to talk to Brittany and it seemed that they made at least a little progress because Brittany didn't look as numb as before. Her face wasn't this hard mask anymore. It had softened but was still void of emotions, which made Santana worry more. She knew she had to fight for Brittany, but she didn't know how. Brittany didn't talk to her.

Quinn had told her that Britt didn't want to see a doctor and as Santana still didn't want to force Brittany to do anything she didn't want to she let her be. This past week Santana had studied the blonde quiet intently. She was very jumpy. Every time she heard a loud noise she threw her hands to her ears and ducked behind the first thing in sight. She has banned all music from the apartment and hasn't danced at all.

It was Monday and since Brittany was awake Santana decided to actually go to the office to get her work done over there. Staying at home would only result in Brittany not leaving the bedroom to avoid seeing Santana.

She had been working for hours and it was already getting dark outside when Quinn entered into the closet, they called her office.

"Shouldn't you be home? I mean Britt's been alone all day." There wasn't anything judgmental in her voice she was purely stating facts.

"Well I assumed it would be a nice break for her to not have me over since she gets the creeps anytime I get in a 10 meter radius of her." The Latina stated bitterly.

"So you're just gonna hide out in the office? If I remember correctly you were the one that said to fight for her?" Santana only glared at her.

"I am fighting. This whole fucking week I have been fighting the urge to be close to her, fighting to try to talk to her and fighting the urge to force her into Dr. Mo's office so he can try to get her to actually talk about the things that happened!" Quinn was taken aback. She felt once again stupid for not thinking how this whole thing was taking it's toll on Santana. She knew Brittany was hurting from feeling this numb but she hadn't really thought about how this would affect Santana. Clearly the Latina didn't know what was going on and why her girlfriend behaved this way towards her.

"San I still think I shouldn't tell you what Brittany told me. But now that I have talked with her more and seen that this is not going to get any better I think you should approach her more. Just a little small talk here and there. She is not scared of you. I know she wants you around... there is just all this pain she's dealing with. You were always her rock, so please Santana. Be her rock again. I mean you always new a way to make her smile. You can do it again."

"Well haven't you become quiet the sap Fabray?" her voice was teasing but Quinn could tell that she was joking to hide the fact that tears were threatening to spill.

"Not all people can be as bitchy as you Lopez. But well you know me I'm just awesome like that. But please try not to jump her." Giving the Latina a last wink Quinn left the office quiet content about how she didn't spill Brittany's secret and got Santana's lazy butt in gear.

As Santana sat in her car she thought about the things Quinn had told her. Brittany couldn't hate Santana if Quinn was advising her to disregard her behavior against Santana. This could only mean that she was afraid of something else. The only thing Santana could think of was obviously the shooting at the studio but she couldn't understand why she was able to talk to Quinn about stuff and not her. She still didn't know all the details yet and feared for the worst. Brittany had been covered in bruises when they got her out of there. Perhaps he had abused her in any kind of way. Santana got sick just thinking on anyone laying hand on Brittany for another reason than to show their affection.

Brittany was sitting on the couch in the living room reading a book that used to cheer her up when she was upset but then again she felt nothing. Talking to Quinn helped to ease the pain that was her constant companion since she woke up, though it never got her to feel any sort of real relief.

She had been thinking hard these last days. Sometimes she felt like her stay in her mind was the thing that hurt less and the reality she came back to was the real nightmare. Often she felt as if she couldn't breathe, as if her lungs wanted her to pass out just to flee into a blissful oblivion. To shut her brain down for a little bit to ease the pain.

Not only that she was burdened by all things that happened to her, but she was still avoiding Santana. Although in her current state she wasn't really feeling bad about it, every time Santana was around her shoulders felt really heavy and sometimes she felt like this pressure would break her. It was torture only to feel the bad stuff in your life and not being able to hold onto feelings that could help you to forget the others.

She was so immersed in her thoughts that she didn't hear the door opening and Santana entering the apartment. She first realized she wasn't alone when Santana plopped down on the couch next to her. Brittany's first instinct was to flee. She had to avoid the conversation. She couldn't bear to see a broken expression in Santana's eyes. She couldn't carry this with her as well. There was plenty of things she had to endure and she couldn't take this as well. She was so afraid that Santana might even leave her and she knew if this happened she would shatter and nothing could put her back together ever again.

She jumped up from the couch but Santana anticipated her movement and catched her before she could literally run away. She held her tight around the waist. Brittany, overwhelmed by the situation, began to struggle against her grip. They wrestled for a few minutes before Santana could push Brittany on the couch landing on top of her and pinning her down. Well so much for not jumping her.

"Britt relax I won't hurt you. I don't know why you are so afraid of me but you should know that I would never do anything to you." Santana's voice was calm although was slightly out of breath from all the wrestling.

Brittany remained silent but had stopped her struggling and looked her in the eyes.

"I just want you to know that I am here for you and you can tell me anything. I won't judge you or be mean about it. I mean yeah I can be quiet the bitch but you know you were always the one person to turn me into a total sap. And that will never change. I mean we have known each other quiet some time now and we got through everything life threw at us," Santana was crying now and her tears landed on Brittany's cheeks, " so we can get through this too. Together. You have to trust me that I will do anything for you. You can confide in me. I love you."

The blonde under her shifted her gaze away from her. She was crying as well and mumbling under her breath. "Britt I can't understand what you are saying?"

"But what if I can't love you back?"

**A/N: Please review :) **


	7. Chapter 7

**So I'm really sorry for not updating sooner but life kind of caught up and I had to handle that first. As always thanks to all you amazing people who alerted/favourited and/or reviewed this story! You are the best! :)**

**Disclaimer: Anything that relates to Glee is sadly not mine^^**

Santana just looked at Brittany after this confession. She was confused. Was this the big secret Quinn had been keeping? Did Brittany fall out of love with her after all that happened?

Brittany saw the confusion and hurt in Santana's eyes. She had to elaborate so that Santana wouldn't get the wrong idea.

"I mean it's not you. It's me since I woke up I..." there was a big lump forming in her throat. Moments before she was fine and now she was scared she had seen the hurt in Santana's eyes and was afraid so very terrified the look these brown eyes would get if she told her the truth. But then again she couldn't really feel it. She was pinned down and knew that Santana had been so patient with her and cared for her so lovingly that she deserved the truth more than anyone. Seeing how the only emotion she seemed to feel was this huge amount of anxiety it didn't make it easier to work up the courage to tell Santana what exactly she was going through. But she knew she had no way out now.

The Latina who was still pinning Brittany down noticed how tense Brittany got as she tried to explain to her what was going on and while being absolute terrified of what these cute pink lips were about to spill she cradled the blonde in her arms to soothe her and try to reassure her that everything would be alright although even she wasn't sure of it anymore.

" You know since I woke up.. it's just so hard to.. it's hard to feel anything except this numbing pain." Brittany took big breath to finish her little speech. " I just really don't feel anything at all. When I see Lord Tubbington there would normally be warmth and I would enjoy petting him, when I woke up in the morning and the sun kissed my face I felt happy and when you kissed me I felt like I was where I belonged. When you touched me my tummy felt like it was filled with butterflies and my skin would burn and I would just feel so great and loved and now there is nothing I feel your warmth in every embrace but all those feelings of love that were there are kind of gone. I don't know why but they just are. I'm so sorry Santana. I didn't mean for this to happen. Please don't be mad."

While Brittany finished Santana froze. Brittany didn't feel anything towards her anymore. Santana needed time to process everything that happened. She just got Brittany back and now she was faced with her greatest trial so far. She was scared so much in this moment. If Brittany told her she didn't love her anymore she would make her fall in love with her again. She would fight for Brittany's love like a lioness but she didn't know what to do in this moment. What do you do with someone who can't feel love? How do you make them feel it again?

All these months Santana had kept it together, to be strong for both of them but this news seemed to much for her. She was overwhelmed, terrified even at the prospect of her usually bubbly blonde girlfriend to be like this forever just not being able to feel or for that matter love.

She knew what she did was wrong but she just couldn't take it. She ran. She jumped out of Brittany's arms and ran out of their apartment. She heard Brittany call her name but she just couldn't turn around to see this girl she loved so much in this state knowing what it really meant for the first time.

Santana ran like she was chased down by a wild dog. She ran down the streets not knowing where she was going. After a some time she came to a stop. She looked around and found that she ended up in a small park. It was dark and she could barley see more than a few meters ahead. The wind was whistling and flew through the leaves making it's own special music of the night.

She quickly called Quinn and asked her to check on Brittany. After that she looked around more and saw a small path leading further into the dark park. She followed the path which led to a small pond. The moonlight shone brightly at the pond and illuminated the water. It made everything seem so peaceful. She sat down at the pond and started crying. It was just so much for her to comprehend. She felt so ashamed for walking out on Brittany when she knew she should have been there for her. Be strong for her. She felt bad for having to call Quinn again to do what was her duty. And most of all she hated herself for being so weak.

She was Santana fucking Lopez she should be the strong one but then again she knew she wasn't always the strong one. Although Brittany was a child at heart she was very perceptive and knew when the Latina felt hurt and would always try to make her feel better. It could just be a much needed hug or sharing her favorite sweets with her. It made her always feel better. But now she had to fend for Brittany and for her own. It was a burden she was willing to take after what happened but she still had times where she almost collapsed under it, which made her like today try to escape. Giving her time to cope.

The Latina liked this park. Although it was rather small it was peaceful and you got a feeling that you were kind of away from everything. Santana lay down in the soft grass enjoying the melody the wind seemed to play only for her and the way the moonlight illuminated the pond. She felt her eyelids get heavy and although she was in the middle of a park she fell asleep.

Brittany had a huge freak out. After she spilled the beans to Santana she just ran away. She didn't know what to think. She paced the apartment went from living room to kitchen and back. She was restless and didn't know what to think. Would Santana break up with her over this? Would she be mad and yell at her when she came back? Would she even come back?

She started shivering when she thought about seeing the Latina again and telling her she couldn't handle Brittany anymore. That she didn't want her anymore. She knew that what happened to her at the studio destroyed a part of her. A shard of her soul forever lost. She couldn't endure Santana leaving. She didn't know how much pain a body could bare until it would shut down completely and just stop functioning all together but she was pretty sure that Santana leaving her would make her body crumble to a pile that would never be functioning again. She didn't know how long she had been pacing the apartment when the door opened and Quinn showed up. She was wearing sweat pants and a shirt that seemed too big for her and her hair was a mess. As soon as Brittany saw Quinn she ran into her arms.

"Shh hey what happened? What did Santana do? I'll kick her ass for you." Brittany didn't answer and just buried her head in the crook of Quinn's neck. Knowing that her blonde friend seemed to need the warmth, she went to sit on the living room couch. After some time Brittany resurfaced. "Quinn what are you doing here?"

"Well Santana called me and asked me to check on you. Before I could ask what was wrong she hung up so I rushed here. Want to tell me what happened?"

Quinn asked gently before placing a kiss on the top of Brittany's head.

"I told Santana. And then she ran away. What should I do Quinn? I couldn't endure to loose her too." Brittany voice sounded as if she was a scared little girl and it made Quinn want to protect her even more. She had this girl in her arms who was hunted by nightmares she was forced to endure and she felt that she had to hold her really tight because she could break at any point.

But how strong can you embrace such a fragile creature, trying to hold everything she is together without crushing her yourself?

Right now Quinn knew she couldn't let her thoughts digress so much as it was her task right now to care for Brittany as much as she could.

" You won't loose her B. She stayed six months with you while you were out of it and I never saw her complain about caring for you. It's just hard for her. You know her, she wants to be strong all the time but when something is happening she runs away because she can't keep up. But I'm sure she will come back. She loves you Britt."

"She looked hurt Quinn. What if that was just the last straw and she realized she can't take it anymore?" Brittany sounded more and more terrified with every word.

"She will come back to you Britt I promise. Just give her a moment to sort out this thing she calls her head and she will realize her mistake." She knew Brittany would try to talk her down so she started humming trying to lull Brittany to sleep.

Fortunately it didn't take long for Brittany to fall asleep in Quinn's warm embrace.

Santana woke up with a start. She looked around and found herself in a park. It was dark. She shook her head a few times as everything came back to her. Brittany's revelation, her running away and the heavy eyelids while lying in the grass. She looked at her watch. It was 3 o'clock in the morning. She hadn't really looked at her watch but she guessed that she had gone out of the apartment around ten so she would have been sleeping for almost 5 hours minus her mad girl dash from the apartment. She knew she had to go back to talk to Brittany. After her time lying her and thinking the only thought that remained was that she was a huge douche bag. She had to get to Brittany to talk to her. She stood up and began running but unlike last time she wasn't running away she had a destination and ran with meaningful steps towards it. Towards her.

She reached the apartment door at 3:30. She hadn't realized how far she actually ran away from home last night. She quietly opened the door and was greeted with a slap to the face. Quinn was standing in front of her anger was written all over her features. "Where the fuck do you think you ran off to? I thought I told you to talk to her and not fucking running away when she opens up!" Quinn was all but growling in her direction. While her little rant Santana took a better look at her friend. She wore sweat pants and a really big t-shirt. She had bags under her eyes and they looked angry and really tired. It made Santana feel bad that she's always making Quinn pick up the pieces she left or couldn't put back together. So without further notice Santana stepped forward and hugged Quinn as if her life depended on it. Quinn was taken by surprise by this action and struggled against the embrace but relaxed soon into the Latina. "I'm so sorry Quinn. I know I always just call you up whenever I need you and you have a life and a job and hell it is my job to take care of my girl. Just thank you for looking out for her. For us. I could never repay you the kindness and care." This was probably the nicest thing Santana ever said to Quinn. She had tears forming in her eyes and she knew that she couldn't be mad at the Latina anymore but she had to remind her that what she did was wrong. "You know that I love Brittany. She is my friend hell my sister. But you can't leave her hanging like this just as you said it's US that have to fight for her. So keep your shit together next time." Santana chuckled slightly. "I try my best. It's good to know that when I screw up someone like you is looking out for her." With that Santana stepped out of the embrace. "So Fabray get your skinny ass out of my apartment you look like hell. Should catch up on that beauty sleep of yours."Quinn huffed, it was just like Santana to cover up with witty remarks once she got sappy.

"Sorry Lopez not everyone can look as hot as you. I mean seriously where did you go? Your hair looks like a bird's nest?" With that she grabbed some grass out of the Latinas black hair. "Well I was in the park thinking and fell asleep."  
>" When I came here Brittany was a mess. I managed to get her to sleep and she is lying in bed. I'll trust it that you won't upset her further?"<p>

"Hell no I want to sort this out. Trust me Q I got this." Quinn seemed to relax at this.

She walked past Santana and stopped as she was at the door. "See you San and if anything happens again I will promise you two things. One: I will be there for you two and two: If you call me again late at night after an exhausting day at work I will make you feel better just to make you miserable again and end you." With that she shut the door. Once the blonde was gone Santana took long deep breaths. She felt nervous because she had considerably hurt Brittany. She calmed down enough to walk into the bedroom seeing Brittany sleeping on the bed.

She quickly discarded her shoes and strode over to the bed and laid down next to Brittany and began to snuggle into her and embracing her carefully. She didn't want to wake her from her seemingly peaceful slumber. But even though Santana was really careful Brittany stirred and cuddled up to the warm body beside her. She opened her eyes slightly and before she could do anything Santana gently kissed her forehead. "It's okay B. I'm sorry about before. I won't run away again I promise."

"Pinky Promise?" Santana smiled a little at the blonde antics and wrapped her pinky around hers. "I promise. And I promise that we talk tomorrow but for now I think we both need sleep." Brittany just nodded and closed her eyes placing her head on Santana's chest. "Sing for me?" Brittany's request was whispered but Santana heard it none the less and started singing for her girlfriend.

You don't know but that's okay  
>You might find me anyway<br>Don't you know that I  
>Belong arm in arm with you, baby<br>In a town that's cold and gray  
>We will have a sunny day<br>Don't you know that I  
>Belong arm in arm with you, baby…<p>

While she listened to Santana's beautiful voice and being in her warm embrace for the first time since she woke up Brittany thought there was indeed hope. Even for her.

**A/N: Hope you liked this one. I hope the chapter wasn't too rushed but I think it was important to see that Santana can not be in all situations the perfect person and that everyone has a point where they can't take it anymore. Please as always review because your reviews always make my day! :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks for all you who alerted or put this on favorite :) I hope you enjoy this update!**

**Disclaimer: Everything Glee related is sadly not mine.**

Brittany woke up and felt warm. She slowly opened her eyes and realized that she lay in bed with Santana. The Latina held her in her arms thin but strong arms. Her own head was buried in Santana's neck while the Latina's head rested on hers.

Brittany felt kind of refreshed. It had been some time since she slept without having a nightmare. Without this voice claiming her soul as it's own. His voice. Even in her mind she spat the word with as much venom she could muster.

So she closed her eyes again trying to get more of this blissful sleep in the arms of the woman that was always there for her.

Santana woke up because of the sun. It was annoyingly shining directly on her face. Normally she would have been grumpy and cursing but today was different. Today she felt her blonde girlfriend in her arms. She was sleeping and seemed genuinely peaceful. It felt good to see that sleep could mean rest for her. Normally sleep was her constant tormentor.

Brushing a lock of blonde her out of her face she lovingly kissed Brittany's cheek.

Brittany began to steer and soon blue eyes were connecting with her brown ones.

"Morning", was all Santana came up with.

"Hey," Brittany breathed.

"We need to talk Britt." it was a fact rather than a demand when Santana said it.

Brittany flinched for a second. But then again Santana was here. If she really wanted to leave her she wouldn't have come back and made everything somehow better.

"I'm really sorry about yesterday B. I never wanted to leave you I was just so scared. I mean your love seems like the best and constant thing in my life. Even when we weren't together we loved each other. And to hear you couldn't really feel that way... it overwhelmed me. I mean I love you too damn much to want you have a life without love and happiness. I know I ran away last night like a coward and I feel so ashamed for doing so. Let me tell you that I would, no could never abandon you. You are my life B. Even if you told me you hated me I would still care for you. There is nothing that can make me stop either love or care for you," Santana started rambling and she knew it, but this was all important and she had to convey it to Brittany, "I don't really know what happened to you on that day. And I can't really fathom what amount of pain you must be handling. You just have to know that I'm always here for you. Every step of the way. Regardless of which way you choose." And with that she squeezed Brittany tightly in her arms. Trying to press her body impossible closer to her own.

The blonde didn't know what to say. Santana had just dismissed all her concerns about her leaving and instead of rejection, hurt or anything negative only sincerity and love shone through her brown eyes.

"I know and it's okay 'cause you are back."

Brittany knew what relief felt like so she clung to the memory as she comprehended what Santana just said.

Brittany knew Santana meant every word. She wouldn't judge Brittany for what she had done. Before Brittany's mind could begin to wander anywhere near the dance studio Santana spoke up again.

" You know while you were kind of out of it I talked a bit to Dr. Mo. He was in charge of you. He talked to me about well about therapy. What you saw is a lot to comprehend and well although I'm not a doctor I bet your whole numbness is a side effect of your mind trying to cope."

At the mention of therapy and coping something in Brittany's head clicked.

_"You are mine!" these three words started to ghost through Brittany's head as she pictured talking about it, about what happened, about them and him._

"I can't. Santi I just can't. Don't make me go there. I don't want to talk about all of that I just want to forget. I mean I already got better didn't I?", Brittany openly begged her now. Kind of like a daughter would beg her mother to not take her to the doctor to get her flu shot. But this was all kinds of different. Brittany only ever used Santana's childhood nickname if she was on the verge of hysterical.

"Shh Britt-Britt it's okay I won't make you go. Just think about it. I want to get better and you want to get better too, don't you?", the brunette cooed.

Brittany simply nodded.

They lay in bed for another hour after their talk and only thought of leaving bed when Santana's stomach began to rumble really loud.

"So Britt how about we pack lunch, invite Quinn and head out to the pond? We can pack a loaf of bread and feed the duckies maybe?" Santana knew that Brittany loved feeding ducks and so did Brittany. Again she tried to grasp these feelings of happiness, excitement and agreed, not really managing to convey them though.

Santana began shuffling through the apartment, called Quinn who immediately agreed to come, packed lunch and made sure Brittany was ready in time so that they could get going.

Santana wanted to get to the park they were meeting Quinn as soon as possible because she really needed to talk to Quinn. They both knew it would be quiet difficult to get Britt to agree to get help but she hadn't expected this amount of anxiety that claimed Brittany just at the mere thought of talking about what happened. She needed her friends advice.

"Lopez nice to keep me waiting. I mean you were the person who invited me in the first place but I always knew manners were lost when you turned thirteen. And people say boys are bad when they hit puberty."

"Nice to see you too Tubbers." Santana greeted Quinn before hugging her tightly.

After she let go she let Quinn get over to envelope her blonde girlfriend into a bear hug and asking her about everything and nothing. They soon settled down and began eating the lunch Santana prepared. Normally no sane person would touch anything Santana made because she magically managed to make anything just too spicy. Santana's gustatory nerves must have been burned right after birth because the girl could shove the spiciest chili in her mouth like other would do with chips. The result was that everything she seasoned was not edible. Luckily she stuck to PB&J sandwiches which Santana learned to make without ruining them for everyone around her. Until this day Quinn claims she found a chili in one of Santana's PB&J sandwiches.

After finishing their sandwiches Santana gave Brittany some bread and asked her to go ahead to the pond to feed the ducks.

"So I guess you apologized alright to her then?" Quinn asked immediately as Brittany was out of earshot.

"Yeah. I mean I never meant to run out on her. I justed needed a moment to catch my breath and Brittany knows that as well." Quinn nodded sympathetically.

"Okay let me address the big elephant in the room now that you know. I'm pretty sure you as well as Britt were smart enough to see that her current state is an aftershock of what happened to her. So basically to get Britt on the road of real recovery she has to start facing what happened. Concentrating on other things and trying to suppress emotions only get you so far and for Brittany it got her to a point where her fears still control her and in an addition everything that makes her be able to hope for better was buried underneath."

"Yeah that's exactly the problem Quinn. I asked her earlier if she could imagine getting like professional help so she can move on. She was on the edge Q. She was pleading with me like her six year old self with her mother. She was just so terrified. She asked me not to force her to go there", Santana huffed, "this is so fucking great I mean how do we persuade her to get help if she gets like this all the time?"

"I'm not sure myself. But we both should try to knock some sense into her. She can't stay like that forever and we are going to make sure that this won't happen." Santana smiled a warm smile at Quinn and added with a smirk,"Well Q if you weren't so fucking uptight all the time you would make one hell of a milf." Before Quinn could react by hitting her head she ran down to Brittany who was sitting near the pond and throwing bread to the ducks.

It was a nice afternoon and both Quinn and Santana enjoyed the time they and Brittany spent together. When it started getting dark they parted Santana hugged Quinn she whispered in her ear " I think I'm gonna talk to Dr. Mo about this again. Perhaps he has a suggestion that can help us." Quinn only nodded, hugged Brittany and grabbed her cab.

The next week Santana and Quinn did their best to talk to Brittany and let nonchalantly talk about therapy. But the result was always the same. Brittany was on the verge of hysterics begging them to not force her to go to a doctor reassuring them she would be fine somehow. Awaiting this result Santana made an appointment with Dr. Mo, who was pleasantly surprised the Latina didn't just barge into his office but actually called beforehand.

With that set Santana told Brittany she had to get stuff from the office and made her way to the hospital to talk to Dr. Mo.

Looking at the hospital Santana couldn't help but shiver. She hated the place it always made her mind drift to "Skinny Brittany". So she almost jogged through the entrance hall and made her way over to Dr. Mo's office. She knocked for good measure but immediately entered the office. Dr. Mo said at his desk and smiled at her.

"So Miss Lopez I think I'm right when suggest that this talk will be concerning Miss Pierce?" Straight down to business.

"Yes. You know she woke up and well I... she said she can't feel anything anymore like she's numb to anything except pain or anxiety. I think this line is kind of messed up for her. At least emotionally." the doctor looked intently at her, assures her to continue as he knew this was not the entire problem. "We suggested her getting help but she flat out refuses or rather begs. She seems to get back to age six and begs not to be taken to any doctor and not to force any treatment on her. I really don't know what to do. For the past week me and her best friend Quinn tried to talk to her about it but the reaction is always the same." He nodded his head a few times and then paused a moment seemingly in thought.

" Miss Lopez you have to understand what Miss Pierce went through traumatized her. This trauma has not only reached her consciousness but her subconsciousness as well. Miss Pierce currently fights with herself to regain control over her own body, her own feelings and at the same time she is battling with her subconsciousness. Traumatized people tend to be very fragile. I wouldn't beg to differ that it varies from person to person but it is proven that talking about certain events, seeing certain things can make them kind of shut down and/or relieving certain memories. You have seen the worst kind of shut down for six months. That what you see know is another defense mechanism set by her mind to prevent her from remembering or rather from feeling everything. To prevent the hurt to start all over again. But unfortunately that is were the real work begins. I have often seen cases where patients are unwilling to start therapy. That's why I'll make you an offer:

Bring Miss Pierce with you to my private practice so she won't feel threatened that it seems like a doctors visit. I have a colleague who works as psychologist there but has specialized in hypnosis. He can try to talk to Miss Pierce. I guess it should take him about two sessions to get close enough to try to start a dialog on what happened. I mean we don't have to exactly tell her that she is in session. I'm sure that you can supply him a suitable background for Miss Pierce to feel comfortable around him. And if nothing works we can try to hypnotize her to get directly to her subconsciousness and see what we may learn from it." Santana needed some time to ponder on this offer. Sure Dr. Mo was more than accommodating but she still had to deceive Brittany. Especially after she reassured her not to force her to go to therapy.

"I'm no sure if I'm down with the whole hypnotizing shenanigans but I would gladly accept your offer for some "non-therapy therapy" sessions for Britt."

"Well I won't force you to agree to the hypnosis or the sessions for that, but the hypnosis might be helpful to understand Miss Pierce deep anxiety and in turn adapt her therapy or directly pointing out things to get her to start a dialog. I just want you do consider it." Santana nodded.

"If you have time I could squeeze you in for an appointment the day after tomorrow. I guess the faster the better?" Again Santana nodded.

"Yeah I mean Brittany can't work and I can more or less set my own work hours so that would be no problem."

With that set Santana got the address for the practice and was out of the door and in front of her car before she knew it.

She was still a little concerned about everything. She really liked the idea of disguised therapy and she would always make sure Brittany felt comfortable and let her leave if she wants to. But it scared her to think that they might have to break into her mind. It seemed so wrong.

She tried not to ponder to hard and rather focus on the task at hand.

She had an appointment with Dr. Mo and his friend and she had still to think of an appropriate background for the psychologist.

But well if Santana Lopez was one thing it was creative. After all she composed the infamous "Trouty Mouth" song or managed to find nickname after nickname for Rachel "Man-Hands" Berry.

She would definitely hold her end of the bargain and as she sat down to drive home to the girl she loved, since she first saw her, she could only hope that the doctor would and could do the same.

**A/N: I got no reviews for the last chapter so I'm not really sure if you like any of the knew stuff so please hit the review button you guys :) Just let me know if you still like to read this story or not. ;)**


	9. Chapter 9

**First of all a big big thank you to those of you who alerted and/or reviewed this story and got my spirits up :) And a special thank you to kempokarate12 and the totally awesome/butt-kicking review :)**

**Disclaimer: Nothing from Glee belongs to me.**

Brittany said on a comfy couch talking to a guy named Danny she met there. According to Santana she had to talk to one of her old university professors about maybe getting back into university and well Danny was his friend who visited to attend some of his classes.

Brittany didn't want to tag along but Santana insisted on her coming so she obliged.

She didn't mind too much because Danny was really nice and she found it easy to talk to him. He was at most thirty, tall, dark unruly hair and stubble. His eyes were green and he kind of reminded Brittany of a male Santana. Minus the eyes of course.

"So Brittany am I really that boring to talk to? I mean I don't want to be rude or anything but you keep spacing out and well look rather bored." he smiled at her and looked a little bit embarrassed about being so bold.

"No absolutely not. I'm sorry I just have a lot on my mind these times. And well I kind of always look bored.. I don't mean to but well I can't help it. So please don't think anything of it." Brittany tried to make Danny understand that she just couldn't show any other side of her to him without him thinking that it was her choice or rather because she didn't like him.

In the other room Santana and Dr. Mo her "university professor" were talking.

"Miss Lopez you see Dr. Carver is a really unique character and tends to rather get connected to his patients than try to stay the omniscient observer but I think it is what makes people talk to him. He has this unique gift to charm people and make an instant connection but at the same time he can stay neutral and be objective and helpful like any other psychologist." He smiled at the young Latina sitting on the other side of his desk.

"I'm glad to hear it. I just hope he can manage to get her to open up a little. I mean every little bit he can get out of her will help us."

"It will certainly aid in the try to get Miss Pierce to open up but I can't guarantee anything at this stage of the session. I mean I haven't even talked to Dr. Carver yet. I just don't want you to be too hopeful Miss Lopez. We have to very careful. We move on thin ice. Even if Dr. Carver succeeds if Miss Pierce still refuses to talk about it we will not be able to make any progress." Santana looked at him intently. She took a deep breath before she talked again.

"Believe me Dr. Mo I know Brittany if he gets her to talk then she will not refuse therapy anymore. The hard thing is to crack her. She will talk then. I'm sure of it."

"Well Miss Lopez I don't want to doubt your judgment. I'm going to be bold. I think there is one special thing about this experience that makes Miss Pierce hold back. I witnessed alike behavior by rape victims. They were so ashamed of what happened to them that they wouldn't talk about it." Santana looked at him like a deer caught in headlight.

"Do you think she has been raped?"

"No this is not what I meant. Although I could never say for sure what happened until Miss Pierce told us I don't think this is what happened. If I remember correctly when she was admitted to the hospital that night there was no record of sexual violence towards her." Santana nodded relived.

"Okay Brittany now I'm confused. So you don't mind this conversation but you still look bored because you can't change your expression? Oh and if you want to talk or something I mean I know we just met but I'm a great listener. And since we don't know each other too well it might even be easier for you to talk to me", he winked at her before he added, "And just for the record even if you are bored I'm gonna talk your ear off." He saw Brittany scrunch her eyebrows in thought and smiled at her.

Brittany didn't know why but she felt kind of willing to talk. Danny made this whole conversation seem so less stressful. Normally she felt pressured to talk about stuff but with him it was another thing. He seemed genuinely interested it wouldn't mind if she just chose to stay at small talk.

"It's just that there was this .. this incident that happened to me roughly six months ago and well let's just say that I wasn't the same after or rather couldn't be the same after. I appreciate the offer but I don't think you could actually help me with my problems. But really keep talking it's a welcomed distraction." She watched as Danny's face fell a bit.

"I'm sorry I hope I didn't remind you of anything unpleasant. I mean you know. And I can totally understand if you don't want to talk to me I mean we just met and all. Look at me I'm talking like a sixteen year old and I'm almost thirty", He chuckled slightly and took a look at his watch.

Just in that moment Santana entered the room and smiled at Brittany.  
>"So Britt are you ready to get going?"<p>

"Yeah just a sec." With that she walked over to Danny and offered him her hand. It was the best she could do for now as normally she would have hugged him.

"It was really nice to talk to you Danny. Perhaps we will see each other again." Danny took her hand and smiled back.

"Well the pleasure was all mine", he leaned near her ear and whispered the next words in her ear, "and well my offer is still up. If you need someone to talk to who isn't like family or friend you can call me anytime." He smiled and gave her his card.

Or well the card he prepared as his normal one would have revealed him to be a psychologist.

The blonde took the card with a nod, turning around and leaving the house with Santana.

While sitting in the cab Santana couldn't help but be curious about Brittany's talk with Dr. Carver. But she didn't want to ask to much to make it seem like a big deal so she settled for a simple "That Danny guy seemed nice."

"Yeah he was really nice. We talked and stuff. So what did your professor say?" Santana was taken a little aback by this question.

"Ah well you know we didn't get all the details through just yet. There is a whole bunch of paperwork to do until we can even try to get me back into university. So I will have to go there again. I was think tomorrow maybe? If you don't have like something against it?" Brittany looked at Santana a second before shaking her head.

"No I'm free so I don't really care."

Now Santana just had one obstacle left: Get Dr: Carver into the picture again. She must subtly make Brittany call him. He said he needed at least two sessions with her to see if could make her spill the beans.

"You know you could call perhaps Quinn and ask her if she has time to keep you company?", the Latina suggested nonchalantly. Of course she had talked to Quinn about the whole "non-therpay-therpay session" and told her to shake Brittany off and try to persuade her to call Dr. Carver.

Of course Quinn stood by her word and said she couldn't be there.

"I'm really sorry Britt. I just have so much work these days and white rhino doesn't make it easier on me. Can't you call someone else? I would feel bad if you had to go there on your own while stupid Santana makes business."

"No I mean I haven't talked to anyone from Glee Club in six months. I mean I just can't face them like this." Quinn had to think about her next move.

"I respect that. And I mean you were there today by yourself so I guess it's okay since you are fine and all."

"Not really alone Q. There was this guy Danny. We chatted and he was nice." Quinn chuckled over the line. Got you.

"Well that sounds great do you think he might be there tomorrow again? I mean a little distraction while waiting for our "Little Miss Sunshine" can't be bad."

"Hm I don't know he was just visiting the professor, whose name i didn't catch before. So I guess chances are slim. Unless..." Quinn interrupted before she could even form the sentence.

"Unless what Britt? What are you not telling me?" Quinn tried to keep her voice excited.

"He gave me his card so I could reach him if I ever wanted to talk again. Friendship only of course." Brittany didn't know why she added this little bit but she felt the need to clarify that.

"I know you wouldn't do anything like that Britt. And Santana does too. So why don't you just call him and see if he is available. Normally I wouldn't advise you to call strangers I don't know but with Santana in the other room I doubt anyone would dare to do anything."

"Maybe I have to think about it. I'll have to hang up now Q. Bye."

The rest of the cab ride was silent and when they arrived home Santana started making dinner and Brittany slumped down on the living room couch.

Brittany bit her lip. Should she really call Danny? She had just met him. He seemed nice and genuine but she was also afraid of him. She was afraid that he might ask her again about any thing relating the incident and she was even more afraid of herself. Although she only knew him for a good hour she already started trusting him and she was afraid of really talking to him. Then again he said he didn't mind not talking about all this personal stuff. She made a snap decision and called the number on the card she received.

"Hello." it was Danny's voice.

"Hi Danny this is Brittany Pierce. You know we met today."

"Yeah absolutely hi Brittany. I must say I didn't think you would actually call." He sounded surprised but in a positive way.

"I wasn't sure either but Santana has to sit through a session with her professor.. well I didn't catch his name tomorrow again. And well I was wondering if you would like to keep me company so we could talk or something?" There was silence on the other end of the line until Danny spoke again.

"It's Professor Simmons. And to your previous question I'd love to. I'm totally free tomorrow and would have been bored to death. So what time should I meet you there?" Brittany was confused she hadn't even asked Santana for the time.

"I'm really not sure just hold on a second.

"Santana when will we be at you professors?" she called into the kitchen.

" Around seven. Why?" she called right back.

"I invited Danny to keep me company. You know you tend to sit in there rather long." She states simply.

"So Danny could you meet me there at seven? I guess we'll have a good two hours."

"Sure. Don't be mad at me but I really have to go I need to tend to some things but I look forward to tomorrow."

"Sure. Until tomorrow." With that Brittany hung up the phone.

Shortly after that Santana entered with an amused look o her face.

"You must have hit it off quiet well if you already invite him to spend time."

"Yeah he seems cool. And it's refreshing to have someone new to speak to." Brittany avoided to say "some else" as she didn't want to hurt Santana's feelings. She knew the Latina really tried her hardest to make her feel comfortable to talk to her. There was just always this nagging feeling in Brittany's gut that she didn't want Santana to know what happened. With Danny she could just talk about the weather or whatever. Even if she did tell him something he was more or less a stranger. Even if he judged her for what she did she didn't have to see him again although he didn't seem like the type of guy to just judge people.

Santana could see right through Brittany. She had talked to Dr. Mo who told her not to be discouraged if Brittany would confide in Dr. Carver but not herself. He told her or rather reminded her how often in one's life it was easier to open up to people who wouldn't judge you or who were rather to emotionally distanced from you to hurt you if they did.

"Well as long as you stay in the building so I know he is not trying to force you into a back alley I don't care." Santana quipped as she strolled back into the kitchen motioning Brittany to follow her.

After they ate they were both tired and went to bed. Since the night Santana came back for Brittany after her confession they always slept in each others arms. There was nothing sexual about it. It was just reassuring each other that the other was still there. Santana would warp Brittany in a protective hug while Brittany settled in the crook of Santana's neck inhaling her sweet scent, which seemed to calm her thoughts down enough to sleep.

"Britt you still awake?" Santana's question ghosted through the room.

"Yeah what is it? I'm really tired." the blonde mumbled against the Latinas neck.

"I.. Well I just wanted to say that if you want to talk about anything you can come to me. I know I say it a lot but I get the feeling it didn't come through enough. You really can tell me what happened and..." Santana stopped as she felt Brittany stiffen in her arms. Santana immediately started apologizing for bringing this topic up and tried her best to console Brittany because she didn't want her to break out in a fit of hysterical begging.

When Brittany opened her eyes she was at the dance studio. It was empty. She was there alone staring at her reflection in the mirror. There was not blood and the wooden floor was polished, the walls colored in a warm yellow color and music was playing. Brittany was overwhelmed all of a sudden as she was enjoying herself , merging with her surroundings dancing around in pure joy and loving to hear the music. When she saw the door open and Santana enter her heart swelled with love. She wanted to run to Santana to embrace and and make her feel all the love she couldn't before. That was until she notices the figure standing behind Santana. It was him pointing a gun to the Latina's head but she didn't see him only Brittany could see him. He placed a finger on his lips telling her to stay silent. He moved his mouth without actually speaking and the words she saw were all to familiar _"You are mine!"_. He then grinned at her as he crossed a finger over his heart and just in that instant she could feel all the feelings she enjoyed moments ago drawn from her body until all that remained was her anxiety of Santana being near him. Being in danger. She felt the numbness she had gotten used to wash all over her and saw him laugh. Although he started laughing loudly Santana still didn't realize he was there. She was confused. How could Santana still smile and walk so slowly when a gun is pointed at her head. Brittany didn't have mus time she needed to act . She ran off to Santana and tried to tackle him to the ground but when her body was supposed to crash against his there was nothing and Santana looked at her as if she had lost her mind. Even a little scared at how out of control she seemed.

Brittany woke up with a start.

She was in her bed wrapped in Santana's embrace. She was panting and felt sick. Sick because that was what she was. She kept telling herself that she would get better but in reality she knew better. She wasn't getting any better. If she was her heart would be beating really fast and her body would burn where her body touched Santana's. She would feel overwhelmed by love and adoration for the woman in her arms. But there was nothing. She had tried to convince herself that everything was fine since she had a couple of days without nightmares.

She knew she couldn't win against him on her own. He wasn't physically around to hurt her anymore but he still haunted her mind. The hold he had on her soul, locking away her feelings was as unforgiving as ever.

He was her own personal demon and it was now up to her to either crumble under his pressure or defeat him.

It was the first time she realized that this time Santana couldn't fight for her. It was her time to fight too.

Sure she was terrified of what could happen when she actually faced her feelings but she did also know that she couldn't live half a life anymore. Not for herself and especially not for Santana.

It was time Brittany S. Pierce made a comeback.

**A/N: So if you feel like it review and tell me what you think :) I'm always open for suggestions or constructive criticism. **


	10. Chapter 10

**So Chapter 10. I never thought I would really get here so thanks to all you people who read this story and/or reviewed. I hope you enjoy the update!**

**Disclaimer: You know the drill Glee = not mine.**

The moment Brittany woke up she felt different. Not in the way that her condition had improved. It was just a new found strength of purpose. Since she woke up she never really felt this ready to start fighting for herself. The hard work was left on either Santana or Quinn. But this time Brittany wanted to try and make things better by and for herself.

And her first step would be talking to Danny. Although she only knew him for a day she felt like he could be trusted and she thought it might be easier for her to confide in him. As he didn't know what happened he won't try to push the matter.

With her mind set she climbed out of Santana's embrace and headed into the kitchen for breakfast to strengthen herself for what was to come.

Three hours and an unreal amount of bacon and scrambled eggs later Brittany sat in a cab with Santana on her way to Santana's meeting with Professor Simmons.

"How long do you think it will take with you and Professor Simmons," Brittany asked an unprepared Santana.

"I guess about one and a half to two hours why?" Santana was still a little perplex for the sudden name given to her "Professor".

Brittany shrugged, "I was thinking of asking Danny to take me to the park. Just you know get a little bit of fresh air."

"That's a great idea Britt. Just take your cell with you so I can reach you and well you can reach anyone if something happens." She smiled softly at Brittany, who expected Santana to put up a fight of her gong around with a man she only met the day before but she had no time think more about it because they arrived the the Professors' house and got out of the cab.

Brittany saw Danny already standing in front of the building's entrance. He was wearing blue jeans and a black shirt. His hair unruly and dark as before and his green eyes seemed to sparkle.

"Hey Brittany. Hi Santana." He greeted both of them.

"Hey Danny. So Britt I'm going to talk to D...Professor Simmons now. You and Danny go have fun and if something happens call me." She gave Brittany a smile and disappeared in the building.

Brittany turned to Danny, "I was wondering if you would like to go to the park. Strolling around a bit?"

"Sounds great to me Brittany. There is a small park just around the corner and if I remember correctly there is a small pond there too." Danny said excitedly. He grabbed Brittany's hand and led the way.

They walked in silence to the park. Brittany took a look around and just as promised encircled by trees and soft green grass was a small pond. The blonde knew what she came her to do and she had to take a big breath. She hated that now she could feel all of her anxiety creeping up to her. She knew she wasn't ready to relive even parts of what happened. What made her want to talk about it none the less was the fact that she knew she would never be really ready to talk. It was something she just had to do. No one is ever ready to face this kind of pain. What makes them overcome it is to be brave and take a step into the right direction after realizing there is no magical getting better and that for them to get better they have to start to open up and try to process the things they try to hide from.

Santana and Dr. Mo just sat adjacent each other saying nothing. She thought he would start on what Dr. Carver filled him on but he didn't see the need to fill her in at all. The Latina decided to take matters into her won two hands.

"So what did Dr. Carver said about meeting Brittany the other day?"

"To be really honest he didn't say much just that she was an interesting case. He said that he thinks that he can get her to open up if she shows an initiative and talks about the problem. In my experience people tend to need a little "push in the right direction" to realize that they indeed need help or see that sadly time can not heal all wounds. Especially those that are present in your mind."

Santana wasn't sure how to feel. On the one hand this doctor told her a moment ago that there is hope for Brittany but on the other hand Santana had no clue how to give her blonde this push.

"That sounds awesome Dr. Mo. Just not sure I know how to provide this push you mentioned." Dr. Mo eyed the Latina curiously.

"Miss Lopez I think I gave you the wrong impression. Although her immediate environment is an important factor in Miss Pierce recovery this "push" I'm talking about has nothing to do with you talking her into talking. It's about a push she has to give herself. You see there is this saying "the first step to recovery is to acknowledge there is a problem to begin with.". In Miss Pierce case this may sound trivial as Miss Pierce is well aware that her feelings are under a certain mind induced lock down. The real problem she has to deal with is that she must realize she has to fight for herself. This whole time Miss Lopez you cared for Miss Pierce, has she made any attempt to really get in depth with her problem?," it was a rhetorical question but Dr. Mo made a little pause just to look at the Latina, whose face looked a little bit surprised, "She wasn't fighting her condition she remained stoic and uncertain. She didn't do anything against it. She let you and her friend, if I remember correctly her name is Quinn?" Santana just nodded, asking Dr. Mo with her eyes to continue. "Well you and Quinn to fight but this is not what recovery is about. She has to want to fight. She has to want to get better only then can she truly master her inner demons."

Santana was speechless. Dr. Mo was once again right. She herself hadn't realized that this whole time Santana always fought for Brittany but she had never actively encouraged Brittany to fight for herself. Sure she had told her that she needed her but she didn't tell her how she thought that Brittany was the most amazing person she knew. Someone who didn't deserve what happened to her. That she was perfect in every way and that she had to fight for herself because the world (and most of all she) couldn't lose the light that was Brittany S. Pierce.

Unknown to Santana yesterday in her arms Brittany came to a realization and was now sitting in a park near a pond making a decision.

"Six months ago I was working in a dance studio. I really liked it. Dancing was my passion and everything was going great." Brittany started and Danny just looked at her encouragingly.

"Well I was helping some friend of mine out with choreographing a number. His crew had some difficulties getting the number down. The lesson that day was supposed to be the last..." Brittany's voice began to crack. Danny looked at her softly, placing a comforting hand on hers "But something happened, didn't it Brittany?" It was a statement not a question really. Danny hadn't asked Santana anything about what she knew. He wanted to hear what Brittany said before getting any other information on this case.

Brittany tried to ready her for what was going to come down of her mouth next. She took some long breaths as if they were going to be her last.

"There was this guy in the group who wouldn't stop hitting on me and always touched me inappropriate so my friend, his name is Mike, fired him. He was furious. He said we would all regret this decision and that he would get back at every single one of us. We were a little shocked that he had this outburst He seemed to fume and it was scary but none thought he would really stick to what he said. We were just so wrong," before she could process it Danny had put an arm around her shoulder and gave her a hug. Brittany only then realized that she had started crying.

"He came into the studio that day and started screaming at us. He cursed us and I have never in my life seen someone so angry. When one of the male dancers tried to get him to calm down he pulled out a gun and shot him. Just shot him. I will never forget how he looked at us scared, bleeding to death and we couldn't help him. He wouldn't let us. We had to watch him bleed to death. He didn't look angry anymore, just mad. He seemed to enjoy it. He shot another guy in the leg stating that he would enjoy seeing him suffer longer than the other guy. He was mocking us, asking why no one would help the poor guy while pointing the gun to anyone that dared to even blink too fast. There was so much blood..." With that Brittany broke down. She started to sob. Danny was holding her now securely not letting her slip to the ground. He was a professional and knew when a talk was over and the patient needed a break. He was glad that Brittany felt like sharing this with him. Although he knew that this couldn't be all the blonde saw that day. In her eyes there was this glimmer of pure terror and he thought he could see guilt in there too. He knew they made a good start. As her saw the woman so undone in his arms he couldn't help but feel with her. He started swaying a bit rocking back and forth in an attempt to calm his blonde companion.

Santana was getting impatient it has been a little bit over two hours since Dr. Carver and Brittany went to the park. She wanted to call but Dr. Mo advised against it, saying they could be talking about important things and she shouldn't interrupt. He had to remind her twice that Brittany was in fact with a professional psychologist and not just a guy she met by chance. This didn't change the fact that Santana was getting impatient and started pacing. After about five minutes of pacing Santana heard the door open and sprinted towards it. When she saw Brittany her heart clenched. The blonde's eyes were red and puffy from crying. Santana immediately hugged Brittany tight.

"Britt are you okay? What happened? Did Danny do something I swear I'll go all Lima Heights on his sorry ass." Brittany shook her head slightly.

"It's okay San. Nothing happened I just felt overwhelmed and cried a bit. It's alright." Santana looked at Dr. Carver who gave her a knowing look and a small smile. Santana understood and let the topic rest. For now.

" I just really want to go home right now San." Brittany whispered into Santana's ear.

Santana didn't waste any time, said her goodbyes to Dr. Carver and hailed a cab.

When they entered their apartment Brittany didn't speak just took Santana's hand and led her into their bedroom. She lay down in bed pulled Santana with her and curled up into the Latina's warm body. It was only about 09.30 pm.. Though all that Brittany cared for was to sleep. Her body was exhausted from all the crying and remembering. She had never spoken to anyone about this. True Santana knew that the guy came in and she also knew the outcome but everything in between was yet for her to tell the raven haired girl beside her.

She felt guilty for talking to Danny and not to Santana. She was her best friend, her girlfriend. Normally she should come to her with her problems and talk to her but in this special case it was just so much easier to talk to Danny.

Soon after Brittany was in a deep slumber and Santana, who waited for this to happen since the blonde lay down, slipped out of the bed and went to the phone. Instead of calling Dr. Mo she dialed Dr. Carver's number.

She heard the phone being picked up and immediately started speaking.

"So what did she say? Did she talk to you? What happened at that damn park?" spoke really fast and sounded more on the edge than she wanted to.

She heard a deep chuckle on the other line.

"Hello to you too Santana. I can assure you Brittany and I are making progress she opened up a little bit today. I must say it surprised me a little bit. I thought it would take more time for her to come to talk to me." Danny's voice sounded relaxed.

"But what did she say exactly come on. Geez it's like pulling teeth trying to get you to talk."

"Brittany told me about the dance studio and how she worked there. About the guy who seemed to try and kind of molest her and how he got fired because of it. Well and then about the day he came into the studio after promising to get back at them and killing someone in cold blood right in front of her eyes. Making them watch them bleed to death. Daring them to help only to get shot themselves" Santana was shocked. Although she knew some details of what must have happened, she also knew the guy. Brittany had told Santana about him and she was almost out of the door wanting to kill him for touching her girl when Brittany told her about it. It was on Brittany's insistence that she didn't go and kick him in the balls with enough force he could never reproduce.

"Did she say anything else?" Santana's voice had lost it's edge. Danny noticed this immediately.

"No she broke down before I could try to get here to talk more. Though I think this was a great start and I hope she will come to me again to talk."

"Yeah me too. Me too. Thank you so much for taking care of Britt. You are really good to her." Danny had to smile at this. "Well Santana it is my job. And I'm really glad when I can help. If you have any problems with Brittany call me anytime." Santana was grateful for his concern.

"I will and thank you again. I guess I'll see you around." With that she hung up.

The minute she hung up, her phone rang and Quinn was on the other line.

"Today was the second meeting so spill the beans what happened" Santana sighed and gave Quinn all the details she just heard from Dr. Carver moments ago. Quinn stayed silent a minute. She seemed to contemplate the information she juts got.

"Well that still leaves out a whole lot of middle. I want to know everything."

"It's not just you Q, but we have to give Britt the time she needs. She is making progress and Dr. Carver seems to do her good. We have to stay patient." At that Quinn chuckled.

"If anyone would have told me two years ago that Santana Lopez would tell me that I had to remain patient I would have slushied them right in the face."

"Yeah well that's me being my awesome self. But you have to excuse me I really wants to get my sleep on. This day was tiring enough as it is."

"Okay you using you ghetto phrases means theres not gonna come one intelligent word out of your mouth anymore so I'd rather hang up anyways." Quinn quipped and just as Santana was going full into bitch mode Quinn hung up.

She would get her for that.

Brittany woke up sometime around 5 in the morning. She was lying in bed with Santana spooning her. She thought back to her talk with Danny and what he said to her.

_"Sometimes the worst things happen to the best people. But always remember not what happens to them but how they live after that and handle it is what defines them."_

She knew she didn't want to be another lost soul to tragedy. She also knew she didn't want to be a coward. She wanted to be herself again.

When she closed her eyes her mind came back to the studio.

_The dancer who was just shot lost much blood and looked paler by the second. But they couldn't care for long as Kyle, that was the shooter's name, started to think of another sick game. _

_"So I'm up for a round truth or dare." He locked eyes with Brittany._

_"So Brittany which one do you take truth or dare?" Brittany looked at him with wide eyes. She had a lump in her throat and didn't know how to speak. She opened her mouth but nothing came out. Kyle seemed to have anticipated this outcome. He strolled over to her. "It's okay just play the game with me and I won't hurt anyone else." At hearing this Brittany somehow regained her composure enough to actually talk. She took a few calming breaths. "Truth." It was all she could whisper out._

_Kyle smiled like a maniac. "So Brittany do you love me?" Brittany didn't know what to say. Should she tell the truth like the game demanded or should she tell him what she thought he wanted to hear. She didn't want to upset Kyle further so she slowly nodded her head. _

_He locked eyes with her and smiled widely at her. But then out of nowhere he pointed his gun at the dancer closest to her. A girl names Sarah she was only sixteen and shot her in the head._

_"Are you fucking kidding me," he screamed at her, "you got me fucking fired because you thought I was being "inappropriate" you little slut." Brittany was too shocked to say anything. Sarah's blood was slowly making it's way towards her. A reminder that it flowed because of her._

_After his outburst Kyle smiled at her again, "Well now it's your turn to ask me which one I choose."_

_Brittany just shook her head she couldn't do this. This was too much. Sarah's blood had started reaching her feet. It was warm and made her feel sick. "I can't. You will just shoot someone again."_

_"Well you are right about that. I came here to shoot people. But I'll tell you a secret I'll do it again and again and again until you play the game and answer like I want you to." With that he shot another dancer and Brittany couldn't handle it anymore she felt so sick. She vomited. Tears running down her eyes. _

_"You think you can just blow me off? I know you don't want me but beware of one thing. You are mine!" _

A force knocked into Brittany's face waking her out of her memory. Santana had somehow managed to land a good punch into her face while sleeping.

It was like it had been since they were six years old. Santana someway or another always rescued her. Either by punching the big bully on the playground for pulling her hair or by getting her out of her haunting memories.

She was there. Always.

**A/N: Hope you aren't disappointed with how much I revealed about the dance studio incident. There is still a bit more to it but now you know that he didn't just go in kill people and went away. **

**If you have time leave a review :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks at everyone reading and especially to kempokarate12 and dancelikeheya for reviewing! You totally made my day once again ;)**

**Disclaimer: All Glee related things = not mine.**

The days seemed to get by faster and faster. Brittany and Dr. Carver alias Danny spend more and more time together. This seems to do Brittany good. Though she hasn't shown changes in her attitude yet her posture that was rather stiff before seemed to relax more and more. Her body language didn't scream retreat anymore. She seemed more open and Santana felt proud that she was getting better.

Santana started working more hours at the office. Brittany was doing better and Santana didn't need to watch out for her 24/7. And in her free time she would meet up with Danny anyway.

It didn't matter to Santana but after two weeks of these meetings Santana started to dislike them. She knew she shouldn't because Danny was in fact a psychologist she ordered to take care of Brittany. But Santana couldn't quiet shrug the feeling off that there was more to it than she would like. Brittany had her biggest breakthrough yet three days ago.

_Brittany stormed into the apartment._

_"Santana. I smiled!" Brittany shouted into the apartment. At the sound of the voice Santana jumped out of the bathroom and looking at Brittany. _

_"Like really smile smile?" she asked cautiously. _

_Brittany nodded. "Yep I didn't realize it until Danny pointed it out. He bought me ice-cream and we talked about dance and ducks and well all of a sudden he was taking a picture and hugging me like crazy. When I asked him he just showed me the picture and well I really was smiling."_

_Santana made her way over to Brittany and hugged her tightly._

_"See Britt I knew you could do it. Now we just have to make sure that you smile more often." the Latina smiled softly at the blonde in front of her. It seemed to her like an eternity that she saw her smile the last time. She had to ask Danny for that picture._

Santana felt quiet down after she had processed everything. Brittany managed to smile but she wasn't anywhere near to be the person that made it possible for her.

It was always Danny. She felt so ashamed that she was jealous of Brittany's doctor. But then again the blonde didn't know about Danny being a psychologist.

Being jealous was one thing but Santana would never try to take Danny away from Britt seeing how good he was for her. Even if she were to fall for him. She knew that and it made her depressed. And fearful.

What if Brittany really fell in love with him?

Santana knew what she said to Brittany that night was true. That she would always be there for her and that nothing could stop her from loving the blonde. Though Santana was aware that if Brittany were to fall in love with someone else it would break her.

Realizing she was still at the office she tried to keep her head clear of such thoughts and just start working.

The clocked pointed at eight. It was late and almost everyone was out of the office. Santana decided to call it a night and headed home.

She was greeted by Brittany sitting on the living room couch with her cell in her hand texting and actually smiling. Again.

Santana more or less started running to an unsuspecting Brittany and crashed her with a hug. Brittany didn't see it coming and shrieked and flinched at Santana's touch. As soon as she realized it was Santana she relaxed and hugged the Latina back.

"What was that for? She asked. It seemed she missed her own smile.

Santana slipped out of the embrace to look Brittany in the eyes. Her eyes came back a little bit everyday. The day the shooting happened they were dull and gray and over the months and especially since the therapy with Danny they seemed to claim their shade of blue back a little bit everyday.

"You were smiling Britt. It just felt so good to see you smiling." Santana practically beamed and smiled what could only be described as a mega watt smile.

"How come I am always the last to realize that I smile?" Santana laughed at Brittany's comment.

"Well that's how things are Britt. Don' fret. Who are you texting to?" After her sudden flash of happiness she grew curious who the blonde was texting to.

"Just Danny." Brittany shrugged.

There it was again. Was it normal for a therapist to be so close to the patient? Santana couldn't help but think about this again. She knew she shouldn't but she always felt left out.

She didn't want Brittany to worry though and managed a "Should have guessed that." with a friendly smile out before going to bed claiming she was tired.

Santana was indeed tired. She had worked the whole day. She slid under the covers and just as she was about to fall asleep she felt the covers being lifted and a warm body snuggle into her.

She smiled and brought her arms around Brittany's waist to pull her closer and feel her warmth and sweet scent.

When she lay there with Brittany in her arms she knew she had to step down on her thoughts about Danny.

Because every night it was her Brittany snuggled up to. It was her who held Brittany the whole night. It was her keeping Brittany safe to sleep almost without nightmares.

She felt content with Brittany just laying by her and she knew that now she had to remind her of this every time she felt the urge to crack at least one of Danny's nuts.

Some more weeks passed and Brittany had been conscious for about two and a half months now. She met Danny a few weeks after she woke up so she knew him for almost two months. In these two months she made more progress every day. Santana knew they talked about stuff because Brittany seemed to feel a little lighter and though it wasn't often, the blonde smiled sometimes.

Lately the Latina felt more and more down that Brittany couldn't confide in her at all. She understood that it was easier to talk to Danny as he was the professional. But she had hoped for Brittany to start opening up to her too.

Every now and then when they lay in bed in each others arms Santana tried to get Brittany to talk to her but she would always refuse. It would come eventually down to "Sorry San but I'm really tired." or "I really don't want to talk right know" or her least favorite "We'll talk soon San. Just give me some more time.".

She wasn't a patient person and really tried for Brittany. Still the longer it went down the more of a toll it took on her. She noticed she got snappy and bitchy more than usual.

It didn't take long for Quinn to approach her at work.

"Okay Lopez spill it. What's wrong? I mean I talk to Britt almost everyday on the phone but since I don't have to come around as often we barely get a chance to talk. Oh and if you perhaps wonder how I noticed you were in a foul mood I just had to follow the trail of tears to your office left behind by people you made cry only today." She wasn't really mad at Santana for making people cry. She was disappointed that Santana didn't come to her when something was up. She thought that they had formed a tighter bond since Brittany's break down.

Santana sighed "I just had a couple of rough days. As you can see my workload isn't getting less. And well can't a person be just grumpy without one hell of a big reason behind it?" Santana was not in the mood to share her insecurities and jealousy with Quinn. She knew she was being childish and immature. She didn't need a lecture from Quinn.

"Well yeah but whether you like it or not I know you Santana and you are one of my best friends. Hell since I consider Britt my sister you really are my best friend. I can see when something is up. I thought that was clear at this point."

Santana felt bad. Quinn had been there for here 24/7 since the whole thing with Brittany started and now she was just brushing her off.

"Well you of all people should know that work can be a bitch and it's still hard seeing Britt at the rougher days. Although she is doing better she is far from normal. Some days it's just a little too much." Santana lied to make Quinn feel less excluded. Well she didn't really lie. Seeing Britt was still hard on her sometimes but she could deal with that. She just didn't want Quinn to feel bad since she had helped Santana so much this entire time.

Quinn's features softened at Santana's explanation at which Santana felt relieved.

"You know where to find me. I mean I'm HIBC here and have the best office and a really big sign on my door. Shouldn't be too hard to find me even for a stubborn blockhead like yourself." Santana smirked at Quinn's statement and just gave her a pointed look as she got out of Santana's little office, where just two people felt like sardines in a can.

While Santana was at work Brittany was out with Danny.

"So when do you intent to tell Santana?" This had been topic for a few days now. After her first break through Brittany came around soon to tell Danny her whole story.

Though she still refused to talk to Santana or anyone else about it or go get professional help.

"I don't know. Soon. I just need a little more time." Brittany always talked about time.

Danny felt he had to push the matter. Brittany was getting a little better but he knew for her to recover she had to tell Santana. And get help for herself. Not secret therapy like himself. Under cover he could only do little more for her.

"Brittany I know exactly what you are afraid of. Remember what you told me Santana told you? That she will always care for you? Always love you? She won't hate you for..." He was interrupted by Brittany, "Don't say it. Just don't." She took a deep breath. " I can't tell her that...yet. You of all people should understand that." She looked troubled.

"I do Britt. I really do trust me. But I think it would lift a huge weight off your shoulders and help you get even better. Please think about it." She just nodded and changed the topic again to avoid this conversation.

That night when she lay in Santana's arms she though again about what Danny told her. She had to open up. She knew if she started with the story she wouldn't be able to stop herself and break down. She didn't want that. However she didn't want to close off to Santana completely. She felt she owed her at least a little bit. To let her know that she shouldn't give up on her.

"San? You awake?" At hearing the blonde's voice Santana grumbled something that could have been a "Yes".

"You know when I was at the studio and all these terrible things happened and I thought I was going to die for sure?" Santana was fully awake now hanging on every word Brittany was willing to share with her.

"All I could think about was you." It was all Brittany could offer to the Latina. As Santana didn't react at first Brittany thought that maybe she had said something wrong.

That was until a warm soft hand cupped her cheek and Santana kissed her lovingly on the lips. Normally Santana would only kiss her on the head or the cheek. She was always afraid of rejection from Brittany as she never forgot how Brittany shoved her away when she kissed the blonde after she woke up. Santana felt Brittany tense at the contact at first as if her lips were poisonous. Santana panicked and wanted to pull away but just then Brittany grabbed her neck and kissed her back.

They shared chaste and soft kisses. Santana wanted Brittany to feel every once of love the Latina felt her every time their lips brushed against each other. It wasn't only that. It was Santana's silent promise to wait for Brittany for as long as she needed her to.

For Brittany who still couldn't quiet grasp her feelings for Santana every kiss seemed like an antidote to all the venom creeping though Brittany's body. Venom he left.

It just felt right.

**A/N: I kind of wanted to explore a little bit of Santana on the matter. Review and let me know what you think and/ or if you have suggestions or stuff.**


	12. Chapter 12

**So I'm back with another update. I hope you enjoy it. And as always thanks to you awesome people that alert or favorited this story. Not to mention a big thank you to all reviewers or people who send a PM. You guys are the best! I'm not kidding when I say you make my day whenever you hit that button :)**

**Disclaimer: Glee is not mine.**

Danny was sitting in his apartment hovering over various notes he made about his conversations with Brittany. Since this ordeal started he thought that it was the wrong idea and now he felt it even more. He didn't know Brittany very long but they had talked much about her and her problems so he knew quiet a lot.

What he knew was that Brittany wouldn't come clean about the whole incident to either Santana or an official therapist. He was in a double bind : He was a therapist introduced to Brittany as a friends of Santana's professor and he was the only one Brittany seemed to open up to which meant he couldn't reveal to her that talking to a therapist wasn't so bad. Well she talked to him and it didn't kill her did it?

He spent hours everyday preparing for his talks with Brittany. He knew he was investing more time into Brittany's case than others. But he couldn't help it. He grew really fond of the blonde. He was not attracted to her in that way but she reminded him of someone he held dear and he wanted to help her. More than anything.

Brittany was lying on the living room couch. She was meeting Danny later the day and decided to just goof around until she had to get ready.

Her mind almost immediately drifted to the other night. She had kissed Santana and Santana had kissed her. She always thought that wouldn't happen ever again. She kind of felt glad? She didn't know, it wasn't really a feeling. More of pulse growing under the heavy weight of anxiety, shame and hate she carried underneath her skin.

Focusing her mind on her meeting with Danny Brittany tried to calm herself down and not think about all of it.

Sitting at her desk Santana just couldn't set her mind on work. Last night she and Brittany shared a kiss. It wasn't at all sexually charged but the sheer intimacy made her whole body tingle. She hadn't been this close to Brittany since the shooting, And Santana can't describe how much she missed being near the blonde like this. Given the fact that they cuddled every night it was not the same with sharing a kiss with one another. A kiss was not only a connection but also the will to share yourself with another person. At least that's what Santana thought it was. She felt like it was the first time verbally and with her body Brittany shared herself with Santana. It felt almost deliberating making Santana hopeful that she would be able to see the old Brittany resurface again.

Danny and Brittany were sitting at the park Santana once ran off to when she needed to cool down. They were even at the same pond the Latina once sought out in her frenzy to get away from the blonde. The more it seems fitting that here Danny started to address the subject "Santana" to the blonde at hits particular spot.

"So Britt what are you going to do? Do you still want to hide from her?" Danny was asking rather softly. Like whispering to a stray doe afraid of scaring it away.

"I told you Danny I need time to do this. Why are you so insistent on that subject?" The blonde was clearly distressed. Well she always was when Danny wanted her to open up.

"It's because I'm your friend Brittany and you won't get any better if you don't start to open up to other people. I know your story yes. But there is only so much I can do for you. I mean can't you see all the progress you have made just talking to me? Imagine what you could accomplish by talking to a therapist or for a start Santana? I mean don't you think she deserves the truth? I mean she has been caring for you since day one and you haven't told her anything." He knew this was a low blow but he had to get her worked up or rather a little bit aggravated so that she would see the necessity in his bidding.

Instead of getting angry or shouting at him Brittany broke down.

"I know I have to tell her but how should I start? She kissed me last night. It just felt right you know? When was the last time I could say anything felt anything than terrifying or hurtful? It's getting better she doesn't have to know what happened along the lines. I can tell her bits and pieces that will make the story add up and it's going to be okay. Why should I hurt her like this? We are getting there." She mumbled this words out. He could her the strain in her voice her desperate fight against the tears.

"Brittany stop with all this bull. You know just as much as I do that you can't just swallow what happened to you and live as if nothing happened. You know you can't run from these things and you know that if you won't tell Santana about it you might as well break up. She won't understand you if you don't say anything. She won't know how to deal with it when you break down again. Or even when you need to talk because you started therapy. Because you will have to start therapy or you will never be even close to the person you were before. You guessed already that you can never go back to the way you were before. You have seen and been forced to endure too much but you can get back to all your feelings and especially to be feeling like you again. Not the same, a new Brittany who will still be undeniably Brittany. Just you." He was shouting at first but his voice got softer and calmer with every word he said.

Danny was just so frustrated at his current position in Brittany's life.

Brittany looked at him with a deers in a headlight kind of expression. Her blue eyes were comically wide and her mouth was a grimace he couldn't describe. Her eyebrows were raised indicating surprise. It was ironic how Brittany's face seemed to start to remember what her body should feel.

"Will she... understand...be okay?" Brittany's question was a mere whisper but Danny caught it nonetheless.

"She is a tough one. Trust her like she trusts you. The Professor told me she never gave up hope that you would come back. Even on the shittiest days."

Santana was already home when Brittany arrived after her meeting with Danny. The blonde still hadn't made her mind up if she should talk to Santana. When she came into the living room she found an endearing sight. Santana was curled up on the couch still in her work clothes. She had covered herself with a blanket that was now covering more of the floor than the Latina herself. She had her face scrunched up in discomfort and shifted on the couch to find a comfortable position.

Brittany kneed down in front of the couch and started lightly stroking Santana's face.

"San you have to wake up or else your back will ache tomorrow and you will be really sore." Instead of an answer Santana grumbled something incoherent.

"Come on sleepy head lets get you into your comfy sleep wear and into our fluffy comfortable bed."

At the words 'fluffy' and 'comfortable' the Latina opened her eyes lazily.

"Warm too?" was all she could say while she looked as if she was still asleep.

"Yeah warm too." With that said the blonde grabbed the Latina's hand and got her off the couch and into their room. She quickly undressed Santana who was literally sleeping while standing and got her dressed in shorts and a tank top. Then she dragged her body over to the bed and tucked her in.

Just as she was about to leave to get ready for bed a hand caught her wrist.

"Don't go B." Santana had her wrist in a vice like grip as if she needed to hold onto her or else she would vanish.

"Please Britt stay with me. You have to stay with me. I love you. I need you so much so please, just eat something and we can tuck you into bed so you can get a little bit of sleep." The Latina was openly pleading.

Brittany realized only now that Santana must still be asleep. And apparently she was dreaming about her. It could be about a time when she was still out of it. Quinn and Santana had vaguely filled her in what she exactly happened but she knew they were leaving the harsh parts out. They didn't want her to feel bad about any of it.

But she did already. And seeing Santana clinging to her so desperately begging her to hold on broke her heart all over again.

She had caused Santana so much hurt already she couldn't burden her soul with any more of her baggage. Just when she was about to vow to never tell Santana anything about what happened she felt Santana's grip loosen around her wrist and instead she saw the Latina's pinky search for her own which she offered willingly. Santana clutched the blondes pinky possessively and tucked her to bed and into her arms. She held Brittany tightly while never breaking their pinky hold.

Brittany was surprised by this action seeing the Latina still breathing evenly and sleeping.

"Thank you just for being here. I know what happened to you must have been painful beyond understanding but I hope that one day you have it in your heart to leave it behind you. That you can tell me everything and I can be by your side every step of the way. Because Brittany whatever will be there at the end of your road will be on mine too. I will stand by you forever. So don't worry all will be fine."

Brittany couldn't say when exactly the tears started but she was now full on crying into the crook of Santana's neck. After all the Latina had gone through with her she still wanted to be with her forever. Although Brittany had excluded her and only talked to Danny she never gave up on her. Brittany searched and searched. She closed her eyes and could almost see the darkness inside of her but under all of it she found what she was looking for. It was smaller than a grain of sand but shining brightly and fiercely. Struggling to burn further and further to illuminate the darkness. It was the grain Santana implanted into her: it was love. Just in that moment Brittany could feel it, a flicker that was gone before she could even revel in this feeling.

But it was this tiny flicker that gave the confidence and strength she needed right now.

Meanwhile Santana had woken up again. She felt something wet against her neck and wanted to make out the source. When she opened her eyes she was greeted by a crying Brittany nuzzling into her. She immediately tried to calm her down.

"Britt Britt what's wrong? Did something happen? Can I do anything- " the Latina was cut off. Brittany held her finger to those plump lips of hers. She looked into these brown orbs that she held so dearly.

"Shh San you have given me everything already. Don't worry all the time. I'm stronger now and I'm going to fight for myself this time. I'll fight for my sanity- our sanity. I will fight to be with you again. I mean really be with you so I can give you back what you have given me. To be with you with every fiber of my messed up being. I know I'm not able to show it but you have to understand and believe me that I love you."

With that Brittany kissed the Latina's forehead tenderly before snuggling up to her again.

Santana chest was bursting from love and pride. Not only seemed Brittany determined to fight but she told the Latina she loved her. And that was all she ever wanted and needed.

Brittany got nervous again but knew if she didn't start now she would never be able to.

"I never told you what happened at that dance studio.. aren't you curious?" Santana swallowed audibly.

The reply was quiet and a little shaky "Actually I'm terrified Britt. Of course I want you to be able to share with me what happened but at the same time I'm so fucking terrified. Just thinking someone might hurt you makes me sick. Knowing someone actually did anything to you it's just unbearable." Brittany could her the sincerity in Santana's voice. "But I will deal with it. I mean I can. With you. We can deal with it together. Seeing you getting better is what is important now. You don't have to hold back on my behalf. I told you before I would never judge you. I mean even though we are together I take pride in calling you my best friend and best friends tell each other everything, right?"

"Yeah San. You're my best friend too. And so much more. That's why I need you to hear me this from me."

Santana let out a shaky breath preparing herself for finally hearing what made Brittany hide in herself and prevented her from being fully there even now.

**A/N: Okay it's kind of a cliffhanger and I'm sorry but I have to keep you hooked :D**


	13. Chapter 13

**Thanks to all you lovely people who reviewed! And of course to all of you who put this story on your alert list or put it on favorite. Makes me one happy person.**

**Be warned there's more mature content in this chapter than before. Changed the rating to M.  
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**Disclaimer: I own nothing Glee related.**

**Btw this is unedited because it's late and this has been a really draining chapter.**

"Well I guess you already know that Kyle was the one who did all of that."

Santana just nodded motioning for Brittany to continue.

"You remember he was fired because he molested me don't you?" Brittany saw Santana clench her jaw.

"Of course. I told you to let me cut off his balls for even thinking about touching you." Santana felt sick. Not only had she let him get away with almost hurting Brittany, she had him let hurt Brittany for real scarring her for life.

"It wasn't your fault San. You couldn't have known what would happen. He came to the studio when we were practicing and just after a few minutes it was clear he wanted us to suffer. Especially me. He wanted to humiliate me, destroy me for he felt humiliated. He felt like I crushed his dancer dreams and made him look stupid. I really don't know what went on in his head. He forced me to play a game of truth or dare and I just couldn't win San. He wanted me to fail and whenever I did he shot one of them and I could do nothing to help. When I refused to play he shot people again. I had to do what he wanted. I'm so sorry. I could do nothing to stop him. I couldn't just let more people die because of me." Brittany was now crying. Before sobs could start to wreck her body Santana caressed her cheek and kissed first her forehead, then her eyes, her cheeks, her nose and finally left a featherlight kiss on her lips.

"It's okay. Britt whatever you tell me it's okay. You didn't have a choice. I love you. I love you." Santana repeated "I love you" over and over as a mantra for Brittany to burn into her mind. To realize nothing she said could change that. Hearing Santana's soft voice the blonde kind of got a grip on her feelings and got her crying under control so she could continue.

"Well he forced me on this game of truth and dare and I lost and people were dying around me and I felt so sick and angry, shamed and guilty I thought the only thing worse was dying but as in all your worst nightmares something even worse can happen." She made a noise that sounded somewhat like a bitter chuckle and the hair on Santana's back stood up. She had been readying herself for this moment for a long time now but now that it was here she felt lost. All she could do was be there for Brittany and listen to everything she had to say.

_"So Brittany I think we have played enough truth and dare don't you think? I mean we need some people left for our next fun game don't we?" Kyle sounded genuinely excited about the prospect of torturing them and especially Brittany even just a little while longer._

_Brittany dared to look around the room for the first time. At the start of the day they were 20 dancers including herself goofing around enjoying to dance. Now there were 14 remaining. Fear and shock on their faces in a pool of the blood of their friends that lost their lives because of the very man still threatening all of them._

_"So Brittany I always wondered why you wouldn't want to get it on with me and I just found out why. It's because you're a fucking dyke. I never realized it before. Let me guess that Latina chick is you girlfriend right? The one I saw once bringing you lunch?"_

_Brittany swallowed hard. This couldn't be good for her. Or anyone in this room._

_"So I did a little thinking and came to the conclusion that I would be delighted to help you." Brittany scrunched up her eyes in confusion. Kyle seemed to have been waiting for this as his response was immediate. "I decided to help you back to straightness. I mean I'm a good guy and don't want you to rot in hell. So I have thought of a little program to get you back on the right side of the track. After we're though here you will see clear that I promise." He smirked at her._

_By the time Kyle finished his speech all color had drained from Brittany's face. She knew what Kyle meant exactly and started to shiver again. She unconsciously started to hug herself. _

_"So know everyone I need your help don't be shy step forward." The renaming dancer looked at him as if he had grown a second head, their eyes wide. They didn't move. At least until he pointed his gun at them and his eyes were comically wide daring anyone to still stand there this very second. He pointed to Brittany and they formed a circle around here. No one dared to look her in the eyes. She knew they were scared but also ashamed that they could do nothing but follow orders that would lead to something they didn't want to witness._

_Kyle stood now in the circle in front of Brittany. _

_"So Brittany for this to work we need your assistance. Please remove your clothes." His voice was calm. As if this was your every day chore._

_The blonde was frozen and couldn't do anything except stare in fear. Kyle took her silence as an invitation to do the job himself. He went up and ripped her of her light shirt. At the closeness of him Brittany shrieked and jumped backwards. He smiled and wanted to start again but Brittany beat him to it. Slowly she started taking off her clothes until she stood in front of everyone in just her underwear. _

_"Well Brittany, my dear confused Brittany my therapy requires your body how god made it naked. So please remove these unnecessary pieces of clothing." Kyle seemed to love his role as savior or therapist of what he liked to call himself. Brittany knew if she didn't do what he wanted he would do the job himself or worse kill someone again. SO she obliged and stood now naked in the middle of a circle of her terrfied friends, a psychopath about to violate her. _

_It was then that she had a moment of clearness. She knew exactly what she would have to endure and she knew that she must prepare. If she didn't he would break her. She could see in his eyes that he wanted to. So she stopped this tears and instead of more tears a look of grim determination took over. _

_Unfortunately Kyle seemed to notice the change too and it mad his eyes go even madder if that was possible. He eyed her up and down and licked his lips. _

_"So then Brittany. Don't fret. This will only do you good. I will cure you." He came neared and before he was in touching range he looked around. "Don't any of you try anything funny. I'll keep an eye on you and don't you forget I'm the guy with the gun." _

_Then it began he started touching Brittany everywhere molesting her whole body. Never in her life felt she so sick so ashamed. She didn't even try fighting him because she knew the ones to pay the price were her friends._

_She tried to block everything out. She tried to only think about Santana. Make his hands hers. Hands that touched her softly to make love to her and not to violate her beyond understanding. _

_She couldn't stop the tears that silently trickled down her face when she felt his fingers violently push inside of her. It hurt but he didn't stop. He pushed deeper and deeper._

_"Come on that's how you like to be fucked isn't it what you and your dyke friend do all the time? Well let me show you how normal people do this." He pushed her to the ground, luckily it was a clean spot with no blood. She saw him opening his trousers as someone kicked him hard. It was Mike. "Don't you dare touch her anymore." He screamed and moved to kick him again before he could get his gun. Kyle was faster he stood up really fast and pointed his gun at Mike, who froze._

_"You little Asian bastard. I was going to keep you for desert but well since you want to get it now I guess I can't help it." and just as he was about to shoot Mike Brittany jumped up and tackled him. "Don't kill him. Please. He only fired you because I said you were molesting me. Just do whatever you want to me but let him be." Kyle's face went from anger to satisfaction. The blonde was giving herself to him willingly and well he could always kill the guy later. He shoved Brittany off him and hit Mike hard with the back of the gun. "Be thankful that Brittany begged me to continue therapy or I swear to got I would have got your ass. This should be a lesson to all of you don't try anything funny because next time I won't set getting her right before shooting any of you."_

_He pushes her down and takes her right in front of the other dancers. Brittany can't really feel the pain anymore. What sticks is the shame. Being forced to have sex in front of people. Being nude and exposed. Feeling so guilty for letting someone who isn't Santana touch her. After an really hard push she whimpers and Santana's name slipped her tongue. Her hears it and is furious. "Still talking about this bitch?" he slaps her hard "All you should have to think about is me. Now tell me who fucks better me or your dyke friend?" Brittany can't think but her body seems to act on her behalf. She wants to say Santana. But she is in survival mode so she grasps out "You.". Her voice sounds more broken than she wants it to sound and Kyle seemed to bath in the fact and finishes with a disgusting grunt leaving her naked on the cold floor._

_"I hope now you will never forget in which direction you should sway I mean don't you love dicks now ?" He looks expectantly at her. Does her really believe that raping her would change her feelings. When she didn't answer he smacks her with the gun. Again her body responds before her mind can grasp what she's saying "I love dicks.". As soon as the word leave her mouth she feels disgusted with herself. She sees his triumphant smile and hears a shot and then everything is black._

When she finished Brittany looked up at Santana. Santana looked totally unfazed. She thought that she would be angry, upset hurt but not this neutral. She started to feel really anxious. As she was about to beg Santana to say anything the brunette shot up and bent over the bed just in time to keep her from vomiting all over herself and Brittany.

To say Brittany was shocked was an understatement she had expected many reactions but not this one.

She immediately got up and held the Latinas hair as she continued to empty the contents of her stomach. She was never so thankful for the fact that Santana kept a bucket beside her side of the bed because when she drank to much at parties she tend to not be able to reach the bathroom. It saved them both from having to clean up a mess.

When Santana finished dry heaving she opened her drawer and took some breath mints. It was installed into her system because Brittany always refused to cuddle when she smelled like she barfed out a bar.

When the Latina turned around to face the dancer this time her face was contorted into a mask of pain, hurt, compassion and oddly enough guilt.

Santana looked into Brittany's blue eyes and hugged her fiercely. Brittany buried her head into the shorter girls neck and Santana placed her head onto Brittany's.

"I am so sorry Britt. So sorry he did that to you because of me. I'm so sorry that I wasn't there to save you. So sorry that I can't take the pain away. I promised to keep you save and I failed you. I'm so freaking sorry." Santana was crying.

"Nothing of this is your fault San. You couldn't do anything. It's not your fault." Oddly enough it was Brittany reassuring Santana that it wasn't her fault.

"No Britt remember when we were six and I promised I wouldn't ever let anyone hurt you? I meant it and I failed you so I'm sorry." Brittany didn't say anything back this time so Santana continued.

"I feel like I have to say this again but Britt I don't blame you for anything Britt. It wasn't your fault he did this to you. I know you and I bet you feel ashamed and disgusted with yourself when you shouldn't. Never ever think you brought any of this upon yourself." Brittany gulped the atmosphere had switched at lighting speed. A few seconds ago Santana was the one needing comfort and now she was the one trying to soothe Brittany. The blonde had started sobbing again without even knowing it and was thankful she was in Santana's protective embrace.

Sometimes she felt like Santana's arms were the only thing that kept her from falling apart.

Brittany gulped audibly and did sounds as if she were choking before she breathed out "Aren't you mad I let him touch me?" Immediately Santana broke the hug and turned Brittany to face her looking into her eyes before speaking her next words.

"Brittany it is not your fault and I'm not mad. You didn't want that it was he who forced himself upon you. Nothing of this is your fault. I could never be mad at you for this. Fuck Britt I love you so much it hurts think about what he did to you. But at the same time it makes me want to help you forget and heal. You shouldn't feel ashamed or anything close to this. Don't even think about anyone being mad at you." Brittany's eyes watered again and she was again burying herself into Santana. After hours of crying Santana had to ask one lingering question.

"Britt? How come there wasn't anything about what he did to you on your medical chard?" She knew if she wanted answers she had to get them now.

"You know before I shut down completely I was conscious at the hospital and the doctor wanted to examine me and I felt so dirty and .. I didn't want you to find out so I made him promise me not to write anything on the chard about it. He said he had to report this somewhere but as I didn't let him do his job he said he would keep it off the record. And apparently he did." Santana nodded and wrapped herself around Brittany. She wanted the blonde to feel that she was there for her regardless of anything. Santana felt awful. Still sick to the core. She always imagined what could have happened to Brittany but actually hear it was another story. But then again she felt an even deeper connection to her. Brittany had trusted her enough to lay everything bare to her.

Never had Santana seen Brittany more vulnerable. One word from Santana could have broken her fragile soul. But Santana knew that wherever she was, whenever whatever happened every word she would utter to the blonde would be of love and reassurance.

She would piece together Brittany's soul even if it'd cost her her own.

She thought of tomorrow and how every day to come could only be brighter and her heart felt for the blonde in her arms.

"I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.  
>Nothing that I wouldn't do.<br>Go to the ends of the Earth for you,  
>to make you feel my love,<br>to make you feel my love. "

**A/N: I really feel bad for doing this to Brittany. But well you have to face your demons before you can get better. So this is a step towards her getting better!**

**Please review.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey Guys. Sorry for the long wait. I just started University, well and had a lot on my hands. Well actually I just finished this at Uni :D Hope you enjoy the update and as always thanks for all of you who took the time to review or put this on alert or even favorite :)**

**Disclaimer: As always, don't own anything Glee related.**

Everything had been better than Brittany expected. She knew that the Latina could never be really mad at her for these things happening to her but she was afraid that she would push her away. Somehow start to think she was disgusting. Sometimes when she closed her eyes she could still feel his fingers on her skin and it made her feel disgusted and ashamed of herself all over again. She had dreamt of the incident. it wasn't really a nightmare. She wasn't the one being attacked or rather she was but she was on the outside watching everything. Like everyone around her must have seen things unfold and like them she was unable to do anything to stop it.

What she came to realize was that she would never be able to take this back. She only knew one thing for sure. that she could start to heal further, not to forget things but to come to terms with them and it relived her to think this was possible.

She was immersed in her thoughts but was out of them when she felt the familiar sensation of a warm slightly smaller body beside her. Arms wrapped tightly around her waist to keep her safe and grounded.

Before she even knew it her heart swell with love. It seemed as it was the indisputable answer to her confession yesterday and for the first time in months Brittany could say she felt her love for Santana, her happiness starting to swell. it was still not the same. She was not the same but she ravished in the feel of it. She soaked up everything she could as if she was trying to keep some of it for worse times. She tried to store it away some part it could never vanish, some part she could access to bathe in it when her darker moments made her feel as if nothing was there for her anymore.

As if she was the slut, the abomination he claimed he wanted to correct. She felt a shudder at these thoughts of him - Kyle - the one who took everything from her. And suddenly the arms that held her tight felt wrong, she didn't like the touch it reminded her to much of what happened. It was too intimate, to caring, to close. She couldn't handle it. She felt a again shame through every fiber of her being. She felt dirty again. As if her numbness which constantly allowed pain dulled the unbearable facts as well.

She was familiar with the pain of the loss, the pain of feeling dirty and like the biggest liar for not telling Santana about what happened with kyle but this intense feeling of shame and disgust with herself was new. She stood up untangled herself from Santana and rushed into the shower to wash herself, clean her of every touch, every thought and every sin she felt burning on her sin. In her soul.

Santana woke up to the sound of the shower. She felt around the bed and found the spot beside her empty. She got up and went over to the bathroom and knocked carefully on the door to warn the blonde of her presence. After some light knocks she switched to heavier ones but still she got no answer.

"Britt are you in there? Can I come in?" Santana tried to keep her voice calm and collected but she was freaking out inwardly. The only thing that remained to make a sound was the shower.

"If you don't answer me Britt I'll have to come in." Santana hoped that Brittany wouldn't want her to come in enough to say something. Santana kind of thought that Brittany didn't want her to see the blonde without clothes. Although in the six months taking care of her Santana had on more than one occasion seen Brittany naked it was while she couldn't help herself and never realized it. But this time, remembering the rape, she knew it wasn't the best idea.

"Okay B, I warned you I'm coming in." The Latina took a deep breath and entered the room. Which didn't enlighten her at all because the whole room was full of something like evaporated water fume. it looked like someone had dropped a smoke grenade in there. Santana immediately made her way over to where she new the window was and opened it to let the "smoke" escape. When she turned around she saw the "smoke" was coming from the shower. Again she hesitated.

"B, really please just tell me you#re alright. I don't want to invade you privacy or anything." Santana's voice was gentle but she couldn't suppress the worry lacing with it.

She put her ear against the shower wall and still there was only the shower heard. She prepared herself with another breath and opened the door to the shower and her heart broke all over again.

The blonde was sitting in the shower furiously scrubbing at every inch of her skin with a washcloth. The skins had already started to break at some places and blood was dripping down her smooth porcelain skin. The water must have been scorching because she looked like a lobster. it hurt Santana to see Brittany like this after the road to her recovery seemed to have been going rather well lately. She looked at the blondes face and saw that Brittany hadn't even realized she wasn't alone anymore. She was still scrubbing her body manically. Santana started to lower the water temperature which had really been hot enough to try to boil something. She then knelled down to be face to face with Brittany.

"okay b, we have to get you out of her and you have to stop hurting yourself with that washcloth." She slowly reached for the washcloth but Brittany didn't let go. She was still not looking at Santana and scrubbed perhaps even harder.

"come on Britt you#re hurting yourself this has to stop. You are clean already let me get you out of this shower. please." Santana had long ago swallowed her pride when it came to Brittany and was now more or less begging the blonde to listen and stop with the insane scrubbing.

This time Brittany did react. She looked at Santana with stormy gray eyes brimming with tears and croaked out "I have to get him off me." And then returned to just scrubbing and hurting. Physically and emotionally.

"It's okay Britt you don#t have to. You're clean in every sense of the word. What you had to endure was never your fault. Don't ever thing that. Never!" As she said this the Latina clawed the washcloth out of the blondes hand. She then proceeded to try to get the soap from the body. It must have stung real bad but Brittany didn't seem to react to this pain at all. She seemed so far away. But not like before. this was no returning to her catatonic stage. this was a new form of madness clawing at her frail soul. A new torment that tries to break her completely.

Suddenly Brittany lashed out and tried to scratch her face and shrieked "Don

't touch me!" at the Latina. Luckily Santana got away before the blonde got to her nose or eyes and got away with a scratch mark along her cheek. She was shocked to say the least.

"Britt it's me Santana snap out of it. i won#t hurt you." Santana was trying to approach the blonde again this time more careful of her sharp nails.

Santana was desperate. She needed to show the blue eyed blonde was safe. Brittany had to get out of her haze and come back to their safe apartment. So Santana lay it on the line. She made a rush to the blonde and before Brittany could react slapped her. Right across the face.

"Snap out of it Britt! You are safe. You are clean. Everything is going to be alright. I promise!" Santana shouted this at the blonde as if her voice was a hammer trying to nail it into the blondes mind.

Brittany stood still for a moment and seemed shocked. She then looked around. "San?" she seemed confused.

"Britt you are in the bathroom. Can I help you out?" she asked before touching the blonde without permission again.

"Just get me a towel and put some clothes out for me please?" Santana knew that the blonde didn't want her to see her naked form. She was ashamed. She saw this in the way she hugged herself tightly over her chest and clung to the newly picked up washcloth to cover her modesty.

Santana left the bathroom after she handed Brittany a towel and some antibacterial cream and body lotion to put on the almost boiled and split skin.

What Brittany now needed was patience and Santana was more than willing to give her all the patience she needed. Never would she allow for Brittany to crumble under the weight the incident put on her shoulder. It had long been decided that the Latina would be Brittany's rock. Be strong when she couldn't be, be patient when she lost it, lover when she herself couldn't.

Brittany sat hugging herself in the shower. She was in a frenzy when Santana found her. She didn't know at first how she even got in the shower and started to wash herself. But she then remembered how she remembered everything and how she just wanted to feel clean again. This time she just tried to block it out. She didn't want to freak Santana out even more but she still felt uncomfortable. All this time in her recovery she had cuddled and even kissed the Latina and it was just right but now that it lay all in the open she just didn't want to be touched. May be it was because it was now all out there? maybe because she herself felt so dirty again? She just didn't know.

She just hoped to keep the intimacy with Santana to a minimum. She pulled herself out of her thoughts and started drying herself off. Now for the first time she really saw and felt the pain from her skin. She winced while she carefully dried herself off and applied the lotion Santana had given to her as well as the antibacterial cream to cover her wounds. Putin her towel around her body she made her way out of the bathroom into their bedroom and saw Santana sitting on their bed but not looking at her. She must have felt that she didn't want to be looked at at least not when this exposed.

Santana always notices these things about her. to think there were people who thought she was a heartless bitch had never been more ridiculous to Brittany than now.

She quickly stepped to her drawer took some underwear, sweat pants and a nice hoodie and got dressed in the bathroom. When she strode into the bedroom again Santana was looking up her eyes questioning the blonde before her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" was all Santana asked. Brittany thought for a moment. She had told Santana everything already but she knew if she told Santana what triggered everything she would tell her time and time again that nothing was her fault and that she loved her despite this but what the brunette had to see was that she knew somewhere in her heart that Santana would stay by her side. What the blonde didn't know was if she could come to terms with this herself. Would she be able to ever feel clean again? free from the ghost of his touch? Could she ever see herself in the mirror again without feeling like she did something wrong as if there was a stamp on her forehead that screamed "dirty".

So Brittany just shook her head.

"I'm sorry San but I just need some time to think about everything it's just so much to process right now. know it might seem silly because one could guess I would have dealt with this by now but it's just so much more overwhelming now that I start to get a grip on my feelings." The blonde didn't want Santana to feel left out. She really wanted to be with her but just couldn't. Not now.

"I think I'm going to call Danny. I.. I thought about maybe living with him for a week or so." Brittany hadn't really thought about this but as the words left her mouth she knew it was the best thing to do.

"Why do you want to move in with him? I mean you can see him all day if you want to. i never said anything did i? I mean did I do something wrong? Is it because of the slap? I really am sorry abut that Britt I was just so fucking scared seeing you like this and I didn't know what to do." Santana was rambling right know fighting a long lost fight with tears that already streamed down her face.

Brittany's heart ached at the scene. She didn't want to hurt Santana or leave her but she had to be away for a bit. She needed a safe place. Because in their apartment in their bed there would be too much intimacy. Brittany couldn't handle that right now. And she knew that if she always with drew from the Latin's attempts to comfort her she would be hurt.

"San not this is not about you. This is about me. Please you said you would stick by my side. Do you trust me?" Brittany looked directly into Santana's brown eyes.

"With all I have." The answer was immediate.

"Then trust me to do this. I need some time to sort out myself and Danny has always been good to me and helped me. Perhaps I can stay at his place a bit to deal a bit more. I don't want to leave you don't ever think that. I love you so much that it hurts. But I have to do this for me. And for us. And I'm so sorry for hurting you earlier. But this is just another reason I need this break."

Santana's head hung down after she talked so she couldn't read the emotion on the brunette's face. She gave her a moment.

"San?" Slowly the Latina looked up. She was still crying but she had a lopsided grin on her face.

"Come home fast. I'll be waiting."

Brittany returned the grin. And with one last glance at her best-friend, girlfriend, her lover she turned around. She had to go. She had to get it together. For herself. For her. For them.

**A/N: So another chapter. I know this may seem like this is a step back but I think it's the natural conclusion of it all. Love you guys regardless but if you have the time please review ;)**


	15. Chapter 15

**Okay guys your reviews to the last chapter were just awesome thank you so much! It really made me happy. Not to forget the story alerts :) I know my updates are not as frequent as they should be but I kind of struggle with writers block from time to time. So please bear with me.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything Glee related.**

Time is a curious thing. Have you ever noticed that when you enjoy yourself time seems to fly by? But when you have the shittiest time of your life it seems to stretch infinite?

That's exactly what Santana was experiencing right now. Somewhere in town her best-friend, her girlfriend, she would even dare to say soul mate was fighting for herself, for them and she could do nothing.

It was more than agonizing. Especially at night it was hard to hold the thoughts at bay. Thoughts of Brittany and Danny happily spending time at his place. Though she knew Brittany wouldn't cheat on her or betray her the thoughts still remained. Buried within deeper parts of her soul. Parts she hid. From herself. From others. Too ugly for anyone to see.

Brittany has arrived at Danny's three days ago. Without questioning he took her in. She always wondered what it would have been like to have siblings. If she had to put her finger on it she would have said Danny was the caring big brother she never had.

Danny hasn't asked her about anything until now.

"Okay Britt I have kept shut for almost three days. You have to talk to me eventually. Did you fight with Santana?" The blonde took a deep breath.

"I told her." It was whispered but Danny heard it.

"Did she kick you out?" Danny's voice was surprised and his eyes widened comically.

"No. It's just that... She was great but I can't be with her right now. Since I told her everything is coming back to me but it's just so... arghh I don't know.."

"Overwhelming" Danny suggested. And Brittany just nodded.

"It's so frustrating. I mean on the one hand I'm healing because I start to really feel again. It's like there are some parts of me returning but on the other hand this shame and feeling of being dirty seems to magnify as well. I just... whenever she touches me now I'm reminded of him and feel sick and twisted. Like I don't deserve her touch. But I can't tell her that. She has endured so much because of me."

Danny nodded in understanding.

"That's why you are here? But tell me how come you feel safer here with me a man instead with your girlfriend?"

Brittany looked at him like he had grown two heads.

"I never said I didn't feel safe with her. If I asked her to she would divide the apartment so that we wouldn't have to touch or even see each other anymore. But I don't want this for us. And well living with her under one roof, sleeping in the same bed.. It's just too intimate. So leaves living with you. I do it because trust you."

Danny felt his chest swell a little at the last statement. Although he was a therapist in disguise he still cared for Brittany and hearing she trusted him was like a accolade considering what she has been through and how long they knew each other.

"Okay Britt I see where you are coming from and I'm honored that you trust me. As well as I know you don't want to go to a therapist but what do you think will happen when you don't? Do you think all will just get better by getting a little bit distance? I mean Santana wasn't your problem to begin with. You have to face this shit head on. And you know that better than me."

Of course she knew. But she just couldn't. Every time she thought of a therapist his face would show up and she would her him say "I just want to help you. This is for your best.".

How should could she trust someone claiming that again?

"Earth to Brittany?" Danny's voice broke through her thoughts.

"Sorry I was just thinking what did you say?"

"I said I know a therapist. He's a great guy and I think you two could work together. I mean if you want to I can come with you and make sure he doesn't do anything if you feel safer?" Brittany had to smile. Danny was really too nice.

"I'll think about it. Thank you Danny for being honest with me. I'm going to bed. We'll talk later."

"Brittany wait. There is something I should tell you. About me."

Her phone rang. But Santana had fallen asleep on the couch which meant she needed at least two minutes to get up and get there. She got up slowly and picked up her phone.

"Hello?" her voice was laced with sleep.

"Hello Santana this is Danny. We have to talk." His voice was calm but she could detect a hint of discomfort.

"Is it about Britt? Is she alright? I swear to god I'll go all Lima Heights on your sorry as if something happened to her." Before the Latina got a chance to indulge further into methods to punish Danny he interrupted her.

"Santana calm down. Britt is fine. It's just..Well... I told her all about me. Like that I'm a therapist hired by your humble self and all of that."

The Latina took a big breath. She knew she had gone behind Brittany's back with hiring Danny but she knew why she did it and as she watched the blondes progress she didn't question her decision any more. The thing is that she wanted to talk with Brittany about it to make her understand that this decision was made in her best interest and not to harm her in any way.

"You had no right to do that Danny. You were supposed to be her crutch when others couldn't. Don't you know what you have done? She is so frightened of therapists and you should know that." Santana was furious. What if Britt hated her now? It was supposed to be when she is ready and not on one of her crucial points in recovery.

"Santana calm down. I told her why you did it and she wasn't really upset about it. She even considered going to a therapist. Well she doesn't know but I plan to take her to my office hours and do some digging. I hope now that I can be more obvious about m goals I can help her better."

Santana was speechless. And a little bit jealous. How could Danny be the person Brittany could open up like that after only three days? Well they had been meeting quite regular but she was still her girlfriend. Her best friend? This hurt more than Santana was ready to admit. More than she had anticipated. She knew how horrible it was that she felt this way because she should be happy that Brittany got better.. but she wanted to be the one to help her. The one she could trust. She didn't knew why she did it but she just hung up on Danny. She didn't want to have to deal with any of this.

She grabbed her jacket and made her way out of her apartment and into the nearest pub. After her was it tenth? Or had she gone further already? she didn't know shot of tequila she felt slightly better. Alcohol helped her take the edge off. She wanted to leave but her legs felt like jelly so she decided to call Quinn to pick her up. She was drunk and not stupid.

"Qwinn, come pick me up!" Santana was full on slurring already. She hadn't drunk that much since Brittany's incident and the alcohol was clearly trying to take over and prevent her from forming coherent sentences.

"God Santana are you drunk? Where are you?" Quinn's voice was stern, not that Santana cared.

"I'm at a pub. So come pick me up." Quinn knew that Santana wasn't really listening and she wouldn't get any valuable information out of her anymore so she tried another tactic.

"Santana give your phone to the bartender and let me speak to him." The drunk Latina did as she was told, wobbled over to the bartender and shoved the phone in his face.

"For you." The bartender looked surprised but took the phone.

After Quinn got the bartender to tell her where exactly her friend was she drove over to the pub. It was a rather small Irish Pub. Tables were kind of just set anywhere in the room where they fit. Nevertheless it didn't look messy. It added more to the charm of the place. It made it casual and more comfy. Like you didn't really have to fit in. Cause everything has just been set anywhere to begin with.

When she walked past the first table rows she saw the form of her friend sitting at the bar trying to convince the bartender to give her a last "slumber drink".

"Oh just come on Snuggles give me another shot and I'll never fucking bother you again." The bartender seemed amused by the Latina's antics which made Santana angry.

"Don't laugh at me. I'll swear to god I'll smash one of your balls if you laugh at me again." As if to prove her point the brunette tried to stand up to supposedly be more intimidating but failed miserably. Her knees gave in to the weight of her body and she would have faced the floor head first if it wasn't for Quinn and her freakishly strong grip.

"Okay San I think you had enough." She dragged Santana up and said quick thanks to the bartender.

Dragging Santana proved to be a quiet difficult task. The Latina saw no reason to support herself anymore and let her whole body weight crush into Quinn's arms.

"You are the best Q. Have I ever told you that? You are like blonde and awesome." Santana gave her a dopey smile.

If Quinn wasn't currently struggling to hold them up she would have laughed at the girl in her arms.

It was always the same. Before Santana turned into a sobbing mess when she was drunk she would be really sweet and attentive to people. Totally unlike sober HBIC Santana.

Breathing hard Quinn, now at her car, all but pushed the girl into it. She drove them to Santana's place. She knew the Latina wouldn't like to be somewhere else just in case Brittany got back. They hadn't really talked much since the other blonde moved out. Based at what condition Santana was in it definitely took it's toll on her friend.

Once she reached the apartment complex Quinn tried to wake the sleeping drunk beside her. Luckily enough she got Santana to almost walk back on her own into the apartment. Once in Santana crashed into the couch. Quinn lay down beside her friend on the couch and draped a blanket over them. She would feel awkward sleeping in Brittany's and Santana's bed and like this she would have a better eye at the brunette. As if on queue the Latina started to snivel. Quinn put her arm around her waist and cuddled closer in an attempt to soothe her.

She knew tomorrow would be time to talk. She closed her eyes hoping what lay ahead wasn't too rocky anymore. Cause honestly these two had enough coming to them. They didn't need or deserved any more drama.

Santana woke up to the smell of coffee and bacon. She opened her eyes slowly and got up. And that was the wrong move. Her head started to hurt like hell and she lay down again. She looked around. She lay on her couch and beside her on the table was a glass of water and a pill.

"So you came back from the dead? I'm pleasantly surprised." The teasing voice of none other than Quinn Fabray.

"Just take the aspirin drink your water and come join me in the kitchen for breakfast. I got us bacon." Even her voice lit up when mentioning bacon.

"Geez Fabray keep it in your pants. I have never seen anyone so obsessed with bacon. Sometimes I think you're going to spontaneously combust just from the smell of it." Quinn shot Santana a glare.

"I can't help that it's delicious. And well if you are able to pull of your snarky remarks your hangover can't be that bad which means you can join me for breakfast." With a huff she turned around and walked back into the kitchen.

Just as she was told Santana took her aspirin downed the water and followed the smell of bacon. She did have a hangover but she remembered that Quinn got her out of the pub and well a thanks was in order.

"So well.. just fuck it thanks for dragging my ass out of the pub and getting me home and you know." Quinn smirked at Santana.

"Is hell freezing over already? Has the daughter of Satan himself just apologized? To me a mere human?" Quinn laughed when she saw Santana blush slightly.

"Fuck you Fabray. Here I'm trying to thank you and all you have to do is make fun of me. And you people wonder why I hate this stuff." Santana tried to look angry but really she wasn't. This banter Quinn on her got going was friendly and if she was honest she loved it. But would never ever say this out loud.

"Don't be grumpy for I recall that I'm blonde and awesome and that should make up for it." Santana's blushed deepened as the words triggered a rather embarrassing memory. And she knew Quinn would tease her about it until the day she died.

"Yeah well Fabray if you don't want my apology that's fine just say so. Cause next time you won't be hearing anything from me." Santana huffed and Quinn's smirk turned into a genuine smile.

"Calm down S. You know I appreciate your apology." Quinn got over to Santana and hugged her lightly.

"You also know that we have to talk don't you?" The Latina nodded her head slightly and her shoulders sank down. Something was definitely up.

At the same time twenty minutes away from their apartment Brittany emerged from her bedroom. A good nights sleep and a lot of thinking had helped her. With a new found confidence in her step she made her way to the kitchen. Danny was sitting at the counter, sipping coffee and reading the newspaper. When the blonde entered he looked up. Her face must have shown that she wanted something from him because he put the newspaper down and turned his attention to the girl in front of him.

"We need to talk." Brittany's voice was firm and collected when she said it.

**A/N: Kind of a cliffhanger isn't it? Sorry 'bout that. I'd love it if you guys reviewed. I'm always open for criticism, suggestions and/or praise ;) **


	16. Chapter 16

**Again thanks to all of you who read, review or put this story on alert :) You are the best! And because you are so awesome this is the longest chapter so far. I'm not so sure I'm really glad how it turned out. So please feel free to give me advise. Either by reviewing or though a PM.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing from Glee belongs to me.**

Danny was surprised to see Brittany so determined after the talk they had. He had told her that he was a therapist and the reason Santana hired him. She was upset but understanding. He thought she would need more time to process everything. He had proposed to be her therapist and helping her on a now professional level especially with the new issue at hand. He knew she needed the help, and he hoped with all he got that she would accept his proposition.

The blonde stood in front of Danny and knew what she wanted.

"I have thought about all you said and I kind of came to a conclusion to what I want to do. I'm so scared. I know it's not necessary but I am. There are always thoughts like what if I don't get better?

What if I can't make it? What if I loose it again? There are so many things I'm afraid of but you know yesterday I was so angry. At first at Santana going behind my back. Then at you for lying to me every time you saw me and pretending to be my friend. But then I realized the only person I'm really mad at is me. And him. I thought about Santana how she cared for me and how hurt she looked whenever I didn't feel well. I thought about how you were always kind to me and helped to get as far as I am now." Brittany paused for a moment. This wasn't easy for her. She had opened up to Danny many times before but talking about your deepest fears and feelings was never easy.

"I am mad at me for not fighting enough. For being so weak before. For causing the people I love so much hurt. But most of all I am angry at him. For killing my friends, hurting them and hurting me. Making me broken and crippled.

What I need is help but I don't think I can trust any therapist it's just too much. You know what he did and my whole body trembles when I even think about going to see one. That's why I want to take you up on your offer and be officially your patient."

Danny was quiet speechless. He couldn't express how happy Brittany's trust made him. He knew he shouldn't have but under these unusual circumstances he came to like the blonde woman and really wanted to help her. Just as Danny was about to say that he was proud of her Brittany spoke up again.

"I have one condition though. I want you to tell me what happened to him. Since I woke up I have never asked about him. Is he in custody? Was he killed? I don't remember how I got out of the dance studio. I only remember being in the ambulance. I need to know Danny."

The blonde gulped audibly.

"Listen Brittany I don't think it's good for you to worry about these things now. You should start therapy first and get your emotions under better control." Danny saw the blondes body tremble and her mouth opened to protest. But he intercepted her words.

"Let's make a deal. Give me two weeks. Two weeks of therapy before I tell you okay? I promise I will tell you I just think you should talk about the issues at hand first."

Brittany wanted to protest at first. She wanted to know what happened to the sick bastard. And of course to all the other dancers that were there. She wanted to see them apologize and visit the graves of the ones who she is sure have died. That's what she wanted to yell directly into Danny's face but something stopped her. Out of the corner of her eye she could see herself in a mirror that hung on the wall. She peeked in it and even from afar she could see that she was still thinner than she should be. Her hair was still lifeless and her skin missed the glow that always seemed to emit from it. She looked like the ghost of someone. She had seen herself countless time in a mirror but in this particular moment she thought she never saw herself so clearly. She still looked broken and here was Danny offering her the mending she so desperately needed. She looked at him again and just nodded.

"Good now I should probably tell you how this works and what we will do in these two weeks."

Santana sat shoulders slumped. Quinn was standing in front of the stove to fry the bacon to be the perfect delicious treat she thought it was. The blonde waited patiently for Santana to talk to her. She knew out of experience that she would eventually talk. And Quinn had took the day off so she had plenty of time to wait for her.

Santana didn't know where to start. It was an understatement if she said she was embarrassed at herself or more at her feelings.

"Q I'm just so embarrassed at myself. You know I love and trust Brittany with my life don't you?" The Latina looked up at the blonde in front of her. Right in her hazel eyes and saw her nod.

"It's just damn I miss Britt. And most of all I'm scared. I don't know how she is right now. Last time I saw her she was a mess. Next thing I know she is off to that Danny guy. I mean seriously? I know he is a therapist but til yesterday she didn't know that. Why did she chose him instead of me? Fuck Q see what I mean? I get all these crazy thoughts and I feel so bad afterward because I know she would never do that to me. But the thoughts remain. Especially when I'm alone here at night. I can't stop thinking. I feel so messed up." Santana was starting to tremble. She was trembling because she held tears at bay that would spill infinite. She was trembling because she tried to hold herself together. Tried not to break down in front of Quinn.

Santana felt hazel eyes on her. She didn't want to meet the gaze because she knew the dam would break.

"San look at me." Quinn's voice was gentle. She saw that the brunettes shaking increased. Probably because she fought now not only tears but the urge to look her in the eye.

"Santana please look at me." Quinn tried again with the most gentle voice and a reassuring hand on Santana's shoulder.

The Latina knew that she couldn't look away forever so she slowly lifted her head to see Quinn's concerned eyes.

"It's okay. It's all going to be okay." Quinn whispered while engulfing Santana in a warm and loving embrace. And just like predicted she started to cry into Quinn's shirt. The blondes grip was tight. She held Santana for a long time. All the while whispering comforting words. After Santana cried for the longest time and slowly started to be calmer again she lifted her out of her embrace and looked her right in the eye.

"I know when you are worried and don't know what's going on you can become really crazy. And I know that you don't really mean all those things San. Trust Brittany. You know you can and try to think positive because this could be her chance for a real and permanent recovery. Be strong for her again San." This time the brunette saw tears in these hazel eyes as well. She couldn't feel more blessed for a friend like Quinn. Since Brittany started to drift away he has become Santana's rock. She would always be there to help or pick up the pieces. Now both women were crying hugging each other tightly.

After they were finished crying and reassuring each other (well Quinn reassuring Santana) they ate their breakfast and snuggled up on the couch to watch movies all day and just be lazy.

It was a nice change. They sat talked and laughed for a bit forgetting about everything just enjoying themselves.

Brittany eyed Danny curiously. Wasn't she just going to his office for a few times a week and be done with it?

"There are a few rules you should follow so that your recovery success is the highest it can be. First rule: No Santana. I don't want you to burden yourself with some puppy dog eyes because you don't like to be touched or anything. Second Rule: Don't miss any appointments. They are the key so don't fight them. I know this seems natural but there are patients who try to avoid them after a few sessions because they can be quiet draining. And now the third and most important rule: No contacting or researching about anyone involved. You just started to feel better and I don't want to risk that do you understand me?" Danny looked more serious than she has ever seen him. Brittany guessed that she had to get used to this because now he was her therapist and acted accordingly.

Brittany knew that two weeks without Santana would be hard but she chose this path and she knew better than to question Danny. He was one of the main reasons she was here and not walking the earth like a corpse. "Okay Danny. I'll stick to your rules but don't you dare forget our deal."

"I'm a man that keeps his word. But only if you keep yours and I mean it. No Slip ups allowed."

She saw how serious Danny was and with a quick nod she acknowledged that she understood. She gave him a small smile.

"So doctor when do we start?" The blonde asked rather playfully in an attempt to lighten up the mood.

"How about right now?" Brittany blinked a few times surprised. After two seconds her demeanor changed and all Danny saw was determination and that was good. She needed that.

A week has passed since Quinn and Santana's lazy day at home. It really helped them to get even closer than they were before. They still teased each other as if there was no tomorrow but deep down they felt their connection growing stronger. Quinn spend much time over at the Latina's place to entertain her as best she could. She knew she felt lonely and wanted to keep her mind of things as much of possible.

Both women were sitting in the kitchen eating some pizza they ordered when Santana spoke up.

"How long will it take for Britts to get better? Or good enough to come back?" The brunette mumbled while shoving a big piece of pepperoni pizza into her mouth. Quinn had guessed that this would come up again but she still didn't know the answer this question.

"When she's ready San. We can just hope that she took Danny's offer and is now starting on therapy. But even if she didn't where could she get better faster if not with a psychologist?" the brunette nodded. She knew that Brittany was trying her best. And like she said so many months ago they had to fight for her. Or this time rather with her. They couldn't lose hope, focus or patience. For now the brunette had enough of this heavy topic she wanted to enjoy her time with Quinn and not spend the day breeding over a question they can't answer.

"Well that's enough for now about it don't you think Q? I mean we have this awesome pizza right in front of us a huge stash of movies and a comfy couch waiting for us what can we want more?" Santana smiled and Quinn was happy to see it was one of her genuine ones. The Latina had probably perfected the art of "fake smiling" at the age of four. The only one who could always tell if her smile was honest was Brittany. But Quinn got better too. The past months have given her a deeper insight into the girl in front of her. They were tarred with the same brush. HBIC on the outside and how Brittany called it "marshmallow fluff" on the inside. They didn't let just anyone in. But when they did they trusted them and stood by them and that's what Quinn was doing now. Standing by Santana. Isn't that what best friends are for?

Brittany's week was more than exhausting. She had sessions with Danny every day.

His practice was just a short walk away from his apartment. It was painted in a really nice yellowish beige. In the waiting room was a comfy couch and a little black table where all kinds of magazines were placed. A small corridor connected the waiting room with the actual session room. It was in the same tone as the waiting room but seemed more inviting because there was this huge window in the room which made the light fall in leaving the room glowing softly. There was a chair and a couch prepared so that you could ever sit down or if you wanted to even lay down. Danny sat behind his desk or opposite her.

She had talked about what happened so often that she it felt easier every time. She knew it was a good sign. Although that didn't mean that the shame and guilt and all this terror she felt was gone. The feeling of having let down the people who died. Brittany knew that she would always remember them. Danny assured her that they would get there that she herself will see that only Kyle is to blame for the shooting. No one else.

She thought the hardest part was to talk about the rape. In this week it was the first time she had really named the crime herself. Admitted what happened to her and really started to deal with. It was a big step for her and she felt good.

Brittany felt less burdened. She always thought that admitting everything that happened to her would just make her feel even more disgusted with herself but that was not the case. All she got from Danny was positive replies and encouragement. There was no one who called her out for mistakes she thought she made. He managed to give her the distance and perspective she needed to slowly see things differently.

Every time she made progress and the sessions were over Danny would smile warmly at her. And of course there was Santana. Though she couldn't contact or see her she thought more about her in the past week than she ever had. Just the thought that she was out there waiting for her to come home to love her like no one else could made her fight even harder when things seemed too much.

She knew that the Brittany they both once knew was gone forever. But she also knew that the Brittany who was now coming through with each day wasn't as broken and lost as she always thought she would be. She hadn't realized before that only because she would never be the same again it meant automatically that she wouldn't be herself anymore. Danny always said to her that she would forever carry this memory with her but with time and his help they would make it less painful and make her able to live with it and love herself again. The new Brittany wouldn't be a totally different person but she would definitely never be the same again.

The blonde dancer had come to accept that. Danny helped her with that and she was really grateful for that. Just another week and she would get her answers.

Days went by and almost another week had passed. For Santana and Brittany the week had stretched painfully. Both were waiting for something. Santana for Brittany's return and Brittany for the end of her two week "deal arrangement" with Danny.

It was their last session together before Brittany would get her answers. Danny looked at her slowly. She looked a lot better than two weeks ago. They had numerous sessions and to avoid further flashbacks he prescribed her Prazosin. It was something for people with PTSD (post-traumatic-stress-disorder) and helps against panic an anxiety fits by blocking their processor and holding the blood pressure at bay. He knew in her phase of recovery another flashback like the one she had that led her to her wild bathroom scrubbing could happen. And especially taking into consideration that he had to answer her questions tomorrow it was a good decision.

"So Brittany how do you feel today?" Danny always called her Brittany in their sessions. At first the blonde found it strange but soon got used to it because his whole demeanor change to one of a professional at work.

"Well actually I feel kind of good today. Today was the first time since I started feeling again that I looked in the mirror and didn't feel like I was the biggest piece of dirt there is." another thing Brittany learned was to be brutally honest. Danny needed no consideration. Only honesty.

"Glad to hear that. Okay Brittany I think we talked these past thirteen days much about everything regarding the shooting and let the focus stay on everything before the rape. But today I really want to focus on that." Brittany sucked in a breath. She did that every time they talked about rape. Danny was sure she didn't even notice it. It was a subconscious reflex.

"Okay I mean it's not like we haven't talked about it before." Brittany tried to sound nonchalant. But to be honest this topic always managed to tie a knot into her guts.

"Good. We have always spoken about the situation itself and what happened. What Kyle did to you. But you never opened up to what you felt at that specific moment. Tell me what did you feel right before Mike was overpowered and you knew what Kyle would do to you." Danny was pressing extra hard today. He knew she didn't like to say his name but he always insisted on it. Much like Hermione Granger in Harry Potter he said we shouldn't be afraid of a name. It would only lead to more anxiety against the person or thing behind it.

A minute of silence echoed through the room. And Brittany still hadn't said anything.

"Come on Britt what have you felt? Work with me here. I can't do this on my own. Remember I'm the one who leads you to and opens doors for you. But it's your job to follow me and go through them. I can't do that for you."

As if she didn't know that? What was he implying? That she didn't take this seriously enough?

"I know that okay?" Brittany was angry. Angry at herself that she couldn't talk about this how she wanted to. And Danny was the only one she could vent her anger at.

"I was fucking terrified okay. I lay naked in a room that was drenched in the blood of my friends while the ones who were still alive watched Kyle grope me all over an fuck me. I felt so sick at every thrust he made and every time his lips met mine or his hands roamed my body. I felt as if I was defiled and could never be clean again. I felt as if I had betrayed Santana because someone that wasn't her had been intimate with me. I felt so ashamed for not fighting back more. Can you imagine that? Some of your closest friends seeing you naked while someone shoves something in you and you can't do anything? You feel like you are not worth anything. I read that the first paragraph in the german constituition states that the human dignity is untouchable. On this day, in that moment, even tough it was just for a little while, he took that from me. He damaged something essential in me "

Danny was kind of shocked about Brittany's outburst. He knew he was digging deep today until today she always seemed rather calm talking about it. As the professional he was his face didn't show anything of his surprise.

"Really good Brittany. You dug deep and got anything out. It's okay to be angry,hurt and feel. I mean isn't that was has been missing?Feelings? I can assure you that many people who have been assaulted sexually feel the way you described. As if they could have done anything. I'm here to always tell you that you couldn't have don more. But not only for that but also to tell you that this doesn't define you in any way. It doesn't make you dirty or stains you. I know you won't get over this just because I assure you but always think of that. What I wanted to address today especially was your recently developed animosity at being touched. I think this goes down to you feeling of being dehumanized. You said that you felt as if he got to your human dignity. Are you afraid that someone could do that again to you?" Brittany started trembling. She felt as if Danny had never been deeper inside her head. As if he was at the most black part of soul and managed to pull the dirt directly out of there and address it, make her face it.

"I don't know it's just that it reminds me of Kyle's touch. How much I hated it. How ashamed it made me. And also how worthless I felt. Like I wasn't human. Just some thing you could toy with to your pleasing." The blonde choked back a sob. She had lifted her legs up and hugged them tightly. She looked like a scared little child waiting for their parents to assure her that everything was just a bad dream.

Danny knew it wouldn't be wise to press this matter just yet. They had made so much progress today that he didn't want this to be in vain.

"It's okay Brittany. We can stop here today. It's okay." the woman looked up at him.

"How can this be okay?" she said through tears.

"I know it may sound unbelievable now but give this matter more time. Eventually you will learn to deal better with these feelings. We will dig up the reason behind all of it. It will lift your burden and help you cope better. Trust me I can and will help you."

Brittany nodded. She was so exhausted. This session was the one that left her emotionally completely drained. All she wanted to do was to go to bed and sleep.

She doesn't know how she made it back to the apartment all she knew was that she was lying in bed exhausted.

Tomorrow she would get her answers. She would finally hear the last details about the shooting.

And before she fell asleep she thought of the tanned beautiful woman waiting for her. Just a little bit and she could go back to her. And though she knew she wasn't whole yet, not fully herself she managed to stop being shattered. She was getting there, every step taking her nearer to herself. A step closer home.

**A/N: I don't think I have to mention how awesome reviews are, do I? :P**


	17. Chapter 17

**Okay I really know I'm awful for this really, really late update but I had serious writers-block and I'm still not sure how I got this one done (actually not listening to your professor talk and writing works just fine) but I hope you are still with me on this one. I want to thank you guys so much for all the reviews, alerts and favorites. Special thanks goes out to Alex! Thank you for reading and giving me constructive help and encouraging me to write on! :)**

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything Glee related.**

She woke up to the smell of coffee. Sunlight was shining through the window warming her pale face. She got up yawning. After a quick shower she got dressed and made her way into the kitchen. Danny was sitting at the table sipping his coffee and reading the newspaper. She supposed he was waiting for her to get up. He did promise her a talk.

Slowly Brittany got in the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee. She felt his eyes on her and decided to sit at the table opposite of him. He put the newspaper away and looked her in the eye.

"Okay first of all I don't know everything. I can only tell you as much as people told me or I could gather from police files I had access to. You know being your psychiatrist and all." The blonde nodded.

"Tell me everything you know Danny." Her eyes were focused on him. He couldn't read her as much as he wanted to at that moment. Her blue eyes were stormy and held so many feelings. Determination, fear, relief and something he couldn't put his finger on.

He had thought much about this moment since Brittany confronted him two weeks ago. At first he thought he couldn't tell her everything. Too afraid that the information was too much for her to handle at the moment. Now sitting across from her he knew he had to tell her. Of course there was a chance of a serious break down but he had to take it. He couldn't risk that she got better and somehow acquires this information from some other source. It would not only destroy all the trust they build up these past months but would risk everything she had achieved until then. He had to hope that she could deal with what he was about to tell her. He took a deep breath.

"Okay what do you want me to tell you first?" The blondes mind started racing. Pictures flashed in front of her. She saw the limp bodies of her fellow dancers in front of her. Mike trying to save her and Kyle with madness in his eyes she had never seen before in another human being.

Every fiber of her being told her to ask what happened to Kyle. It was a survival instinct that told her to get more information about the whereabouts of the man who tortured body and soul. Still there was another part of her that wanted to know what happened to the rest of her friends. To Mike. Every time she thought about the people there who witnessed everything the shame started to surface again. This however did not change the fact that they were his friends and somewhere she still felt responsible for what happened to them.

"What happened to the others?" it was a quick decision. It was croaked out due to the lump that involuntarily built up in her throat.

"From what I found out after he raped you he shot Mike. Luckily the police arrived fast enough to catch him." Suddenly all air was pushed out of her lungs and Brittany gasped for air. A look at the face of the girl before him made Danny realize what implication his last statement held.

"He is alive Brittany. Oh my god I'm sorry. I should have clarified that. He was shot but luckily someone called the police after they heard someone shooting so they came in time to get him to the hospital and tend to his wounds. Unfortunately the dancer he shot at the beginning where dead before the paramedics got to them. I'm sorry. " His eyes were still trained on the blonde in front of him. He tried to gauge her reaction and see any signs of her breaking down.

Her eyes glistened with unshead tears and her mouth morphed into a sad smile. He was surprised to say the least. She took this information rather well.

"I'm so glad the rest got away." whispered Brittany more to herself than to Danny. "Are you okay?" it wasn't really about her general well being. It asked for more. Can you go on? Do you feel this is too much? It was Danny's way of giving her the chance to back out. Or rather his try to make her. He really hoped he could keep the rest to himself for a bit longer. Give the blue-eyed dance a little bit more time to heal. "No Danny. You promised you would tell me everything today. I won't back down on this one!" she stopped her mini rant for a second. When she spoke again her voice lost it's sharp edge and she said softly "Please. I need to know." It sounded almost pleading. That's when Danny realized what he missed earlier. That something in the blonde's eyes. She was pleading with him to tell her everything but more than ever she was pleading for him to help her get a little bit closure on the topic. That's what her eyes craved. Closure. Leaving all of it behind her and pick up her life again. She wanted to leave the old her behind. Like a caterpillar wants to get into his cocoon to be able to morph into a butterfly and leave his own self behind and soar into new heights. He understood and he felt for her. "You won't like what I'm going to say next," said Danny, "you have to promise me to stay calm okay? Never forget that you are save now."

The phone rang and the young Latina lying on the couch shot up to get it. Every time the phone was ringing she hoped desperately to hear Brittany's voice on the other end of the phone.

"Hello? Who is this?" "Santana this is Danny. I need you to come to my place. Britt needs your help I..." She hung up before he even got to tell her what was wrong. She grabbed her jacket the keys and sprinted out of the door. She contemplated calling Quinn but decided against it. Perhaps it was nothing and she didn't want her friend to feel on edge the whole time. She tried to hail a cab but seeing that the world seemed to have conspired against her and no cab was stopping at her frantic waves she decided to run over to Danny's. She sprinted through the streets, every worst case scenario of what could have happened or what Brittany might say to her was going through her head. After 30 minutes of rushing through the streets she came to a stop in front of the apartment building. She rang the bell and Danny buzzed her in immediately. Instead of waiting for the elevator she took the seemingly endless flights up the the sixth floor in record time and stood breathing hard in front of Danny's apartment door. She stepped out of the house in gray sweatpants and had pulled her jacket over a black tank top. Her hair was disheveled from running around and a thin layer of sweat covered her whole body. Santana nervously raised her fist and knocked on the door. She was greeted by Danny. Before the man could ask her in she stormed in the apartment looking for Brittany. Throughout her rush in the city she had been afraid the blonde wanted to tell her that she needed to get away and they couldn't see each other anymore. But now in the apartment she realized her worst fear was to see the blonde broken again. To see that therapy was not working. Sure her heart would break if her blue eyed girlfriend broke it off but it would be even worse if Brittany was unhappy and broken. As if her heart broke into a millions of small shards that stuck in her guts and made her feel as if all her organs were on fire. She loved her enough to let her go if that is what she needed to do. But until then she would love her and give everything she could to help her get better and happy again. It was sappy but the truth.

"What happened? Is Britt okay?" she shot her questions like a machine gun. "Calm down Santana. Wait did you run the whole way here?" Danny was to observant to miss her state. Though he wondered it was a twenty minute drive here and he was sure he called her only thirty minutes ago. "Yeah I couldn't get a cab in time. So spill it where is she? Or better what happened?" Santana was getting restless and her legs were killing her. She had pushed herself more than once over the limit while running here.

"When she came here she had a condition. I had to promised her that I would tell her everything that happened after she passed out in the studio. And well I have to tell her about kyle as well." Santana looked curious at him. "Why should that be a problem?", she asked "He got what he deserved thirty years in jail." Danny was now playing with the hem of his shirt. "What are you not telling me Danny? More precisely what have you told Britt?"

"I told her the truth." "Which is?" "His lawyers have filed an appeal against the decision at first instance. They try to get him out stating he was non compos mentis or certifiably insane to get him into a mental facility. If he is clever enough and he behaves in there he can get out of there in about four years on good conduct." Santana was stunned. They wanted to let this monster roam these streets again? That he was mad should be no secret since he killed several people and raped her girlfriend. Her blood was boiling at this point. But she knew she couldn't let her rage take over. Danny had told Brittany what he had just told her which meant the blonde must be in bad shape.

"Where is she?" said Santana and looked at Danny. He looked relived that she caught on and was offering her help. Not that he ever thought she wouldn't. He pointed to the guest bedroom Brittany had locked herself into. The brunette made her way over and gently knocked on the door. When she tried the handle and found the door locked she tried to coax the blonde out of the room "Britt please open up. Come on Britt Britt." Danny looked at her trying to coax her out but failed just like he had. For a minute he thought about breaking down the door but knew that would be a bad idea. Brittany had taken refuge in her personal and private place. She was here for a violation of her most personal space so he knew he couldn't just do that to her. He was now counting on Santana to find a better solution. He was worried because Brittany didn't get to really address her new fear of being touched so he hoped Santana would be able to get through to her without it.

Santana in the meantime proceeded to press her ear against the door to at least get a sign that the blonde was alive. When she concentrated hard on the sounds behind the door and the only other thing she could her was her heart beating against her chest she heard Brittany. More accurately Brittany's muffled sobs. That's when she knew that she wouldn't get her to open the door. She had to find another way into the room. It wasn't even a real conscious decision it was in her blood. Britt was in trouble so she had to go there to make it better. She turned to Danny "Is there a window near the one in Britt's room?" "Yeah I have a small bathroom window that's pretty much next to it." Danny answered before his mind up caught up to his mouth. "Santana don't tell me you want to climb over there." The Latina was already on her way into the bathroom. "Santana this is madness! If you slip you're dead. This is the sixth floor!" Danny shouted running after her. Santana smirked "Madness? This is Santana! Sorry Danny couldn't let the opportunity slip to say that." She was already in front of the small window. Her face was now serious again. "I don't really have a choice. Britt needs me and this is the fastest way I can get in there." "But what will you do when the window is closed?" "Well I trust B to open the window when I knock. I mean have you ever heard that when the prince was at her tower Rapunzel didn't let her hair down?" And with that she opened the window and looked around. Though the window really was narrow she would be able to climb though it. The tricky part was to find a foothold on the facade of the building. It was a pretty old building with a fancy balustrade. The Latina tried to put her foot on there but slipped time and again. She realized she wouldn't make it this way. One after another were her shoes and socks thrown into the bathroom. With her bare feed it was a lot easier to get a hold. She slowly climbed out of the window and climbed over the balustrade. The window to Brittany's room was just about three meters away but she would lie if she said the journey wasn't hard. At one point she lost her balance and for a second she thought she was a goner but she managed to catch her balance. A close call. With his head out of the window Danny tried to get her in again "Santana come in again this is too dangerous. Don't be ridiculous." "I'm not ridiculous Danny. Britt needs my help now and if I have to climb into her freaking room on the fucking sixth floor then I'm gonna do just that." She took two quick steps and made it to the other window. And of course it was locked.

Brittany heard knocking. She thought it was the door so she just let it go and continued to cry into her pillow. But the knocking continued. She soon realized it was coming from her window. Which was curious because her room was on the sixth floor. She raised her head from her pillow to look what was causing these knocking noises and almost fell out of bed when she saw dark hair and eyes behind the window. "Britt please open up the window. It's really cold up here." Brittany immediately got up to open the window. She didn't really want company right now but the thought of Santana falling sixth floors down on rock hard concrete was too scary. As soon as Santana's feet touched the safety of her room she got back to her bed and buried her head into the pillows.

Santana was catching her breath. Her heart was beating hard and really fast. The danger she was in only caught up to her now. After she composed herself and took some deep breaths she focused her attention on the blue eyed blonde currently buried in huge pillows. The room she was in was rather small. Yellowish walls, a little desk and the bed Brittany was occupying.

"Are you gonna hide there forever?" No reaction. "Listen I'm staying in this room until you talk to me." With that said the Latina sat down on the floor. Minutes or maybe some hours late? She really couldn't tell the blonde looked up from her pillow and saw Santana sitting on the floor looking at her. "Ready to talk yet? I know what's going on Britt. You can trust me if you want to talk about it and if you are worried about me touching you or anything I won't. Don't worry." Brittany knew Santana wouldn't go unless they at least talked for a bit. So reluctantly she moved herself into a sitting position. Her eyes were red and puffy and tear tracks were visible on her pale face. None the less she was breathtaking in Santana's eyes. "What do you want me to tell you? What do you want from me?" said Brittany and she sounded offended. "I want nothing I just think you really need to talk about the things going on in that pretty little head of yours. I know I will never ever be able to feel what you must be feeling at the prospect of Kyle returning in only four years and I won't pretend I do. But seeing you hear crying and locked up in a room it can't be good and best friends talk about stuff that's hard for them don't they?" Santana was trying to lighten the mood a little at least. "I'm going to be fine. I just need a second to digest this." It's a blatant lie and both of them know that the other knows. Santana can practically hear the fear and terror in her voice. "Britt I've known you for quiet some time now and I can tell when you are lying. Stop lying to me. Be honest with me. Stop being such a coward and just say what's really going on here." Santana knew Brittany and that was why she had to be harsher. Brittany had built many walls over the time she has known her and playing things down was one of the most obvious ones. Danny said that her emotions were heightened because she was for months without them so she would use this to her advantage to get the blonde to open up. She had to strike where it hurt and get her mad. And let's face it Santana is a bitch. That was home turf for her. And as always her magic worked. "What did you just say?", Brittany sounded seriously pissed off, "I can't believe you would say that to me. I thought you were with me on this. I thought you got me. Tell me Santana how would you feel if some guy came into the office shoot your colleagues and fucked you right on your desk while the others are watching? I'm peachy, just peachy. When I see him at the groceries in four years it will be a big happy reunion. All is well." Brittany was on the verge of hysterical. She was screaming and crying at the same time. "It's normal to kill people right? Why shouldn't he be locked up? Let's throw him a big party to celebrate." She was now pacing the room. "How can they even consider to let him out after four years. He is dangerous. He is a threat to people. No one will be able to sleep peaceful at night knowing that this guy is out there. How..." Santana cut in and stopped the blondes outburst. She knew it was harsh but it had to be done. "Cut the crap Brittany. Tell me who really is afraid! Tell who can't sleep at night! Who is terrified!"

"Wha .. What do you mean who? I just told you. You know people." Santana laughed in a high pitched mocking tone. "Come on. We both know what's really going on here. It's YOU that is terrified. It's You that couldn't sleep at night. Just admit it!" Silence filled the room. Santana watched Brittany slowly deflate. All fight seemed to leave her body. Her knees wobbled dangerously so she dot down on the floor. Her shoulders started to twitch and violent sobs shook through her body. Everything Santana said was true. She knew it wasn't even decided yet and still four years away but just the thought of him being free to do something to her again made her paralyzed with fear. She has just started recovering. It was so hard and she knew she could never do it again. She couldn't go though any of that again. She knew for sure that she would break forever if that happened. And it scared her more than anything else. Santana slowly scooted a bit closer to her girlfriend and tried to comfort her. "Shh Britt it's okay. He is not going to hurt you anymore. I mean this whole thing is not even through court yet. I bet Quinn could get us someone to fight against this appeal." the brunette said "even if he comes out he won't be allowed near you. And if he even as much as gets in a one mile radius of you I swear to got I will kill him. If that's what you need to feel safe again I'll do it. I will do anything I can to keep you safe. And believe me Quinn will be there and Danny will be there. We will all be there for you." The sobbing didn't cease but for a second Brittany looked up and their eyes locked. Santana could see a whirlwind of emotions but in that second she swore she could see something like a "Thank You. I love you." in there. Before she could even think about it, the situation was over and her girlfriend was still on the floor crying. Santana knew she told Brittany she wouldn't touch her but this was too much. She had to comfort her somehow. She wanted to hold her in her arms and ever let her go. Instead she sat somehow near her and linked their pinkies. She felt the blondes hand stiffen at the contact. Immediately Santana was afraid she had overstepped and wanted to pull away her pinky but a strong pale finger held her in place. So they sat in the room pinkies linked until Brittany had cried herself into exhaustion and sleep. When Santana was sure the blonde wouldn't wake up she carefully scooped her up in her arms, lay her down on the bed, tucked her in and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. Santana tip toed out of the room and into the kitchen where Danny was already waiting for her.

"How is she?"

"She's asleep. What the hell have you been doing? I thought she wanted to stay here to get better? What about therapy? I mean I see her for the first time in fifteen days and she is crying herself to sleep." the Latina gritted through her teeth. She was so angry. Angry at the lawyers that even contemplated getting this guy out earlier. Angry at Danny because he didn't prevent Brittany's break down. But most of all she was angry at herself. Angry that all she could do is watch. She was as helpless as a new born and all she could do for months now was watching Brittany struggle and it hurt.

"Calm down Santana. She was doing just fine. She has been in therapy for fourteen days and we made great progress in such a short amount of time. I just told you before about our deal and today I had to stick to it and it didn't go well I know. But I couldn't lie to her. Think about what would have happened if she found out later on?" Santana felt a shiver running through her body thinking of an unsuspecting Brittany seeing Kyle running around at the park. "Give her some time. I will try everything in my power to help her." Santana glared at him.

"Well apparently your therapy didn't help at all. She came to you because she wanted to stop being just broken. An now look at her just where she started. And while have long got the message that you think I don't care how she is doing I have to tell you something sunshine I DO care about her. It would be really nice to just perhaps phone me and tell me that she is doing okay. I mean you can call me when you need help but you can't call me sometime else. That's just golden. I mean I'm just stupid Santana I can come and try to save the day and then I can rot at home until you need me again. Of course I'm totally cool with it." If sarcasm was a language the brunette was fluent in it. She was furious and needed and outlet for all these feelings. It wasn't that she was pissed that he called her to help. She was pissed that he couldn't call her just to give her an update on how she was doing. He should know that she would be going crazy in her apartment until she got some news. Danny was shocked to say the least. He was so engrossed in his therapy session with Brittany as well as his other patients that it never thought about contacting Santana himself. He knew he forbid the blonde to do so which didn't mean he could give her a quick update. Looking at the Latina standing in front of him he felt guilty. He knew what it was like to to wait. The fear for the worst creeping up when you are at your weakest. Without thinking he got up, moved to Santana and pulled her against his chest. At first Santana was fighting against him and thrashing about but she soon ceased all her attempts to get out of his embrace. Instead she let him hug her. Her hands grabbed his shirt and her head leaned against his chest while she was silently crying.

"I'm sorry Santana. You are right I should have called you. But she's getting there. I know it may seem like nothing has changed but you have to believe me if I say she really opened up and we made real progress. I'm confident she will make it in time. Just give her more time. And don't be mad at her for not contacting you. I kind of banned her from doing so. And before you scream at me hear me out." Santana already looked up from his chest, mouth half open and a list of her finest Spanish expletives at the tip of her tongue. Though this time she chose to shut her mouth and let him finish. Her head again leaning against his broad chest.

"I didn't want Brittany to worry about you and your relationship. She should focus on herself not on the fact that therapy might or might not put strain on your relationship. Don't you think so too?" he asked her and when he felt her nod he continued, "I thought you would get what I intended."

Santana started to pull away from the hug. She dried the last of her tears with the sleeve of her jacket. "How long do you need for me to be out of the picture?" her voice was hoarse from all the crying. "Santana you don't have to be out of the picture I just wanted her to be able to talk about everything without any distractions. I wanted her to be stable before she thought about anything else." Santana rolled her eyes.

"I'm not stupid I got that much. So how much time do you think will she need before she can go back to her daily life?" _Until she can come home._ Danny was fascinated by this small Latina before him. Time and time again she was there whenever she was called doing almost anything for Brittany. She put up with everything that was asked of her just as long as she thought it would help her girlfriend. Even if it hurt her in the process. He was pretty sure if he could convincingly convey her that her moving was best for Brittany she would pack and leave the same night. Just so that the blue eyed blonde can be happy again. Sure she was small but she carried true greatness and loyalty within her. Never had he seen someone so willing to sacrifice their everything for another person.

"Give her about two months. I know this might seem like a long time but I want to take baby steps and really work with her. I don't to just paint over her wounds. Paint crumbles and leaves one lost again. I want to try to mend what's broken or at least make her be able to live with the things she can't get back no matter how hard she tries." Santana gave him a small smile and a nod. She knew Brittany was in good hands. Without another word she grabbed a piece of paper and a pen lying around and wrote something down. She slowly tip toed into Brittany's room again to watch her sleep for a minute. She looked as if she slept peaceful. The brunette put the the note she had written next to the sleeping blonde and gave her a soft kiss on the head before she turned around and walked out of the room.

Brittany woke up with a start. The last thing she remembers is Santana coming in from the window, them fighting and her breaking down on the floor. She only remembers getting really tired and closing her eyes. Santana must have carried her over while she was sleeping. The blonde lays back on her pillow only to feel something against the side of her face. It's a piece of paper. She immediately recognizes Santana's handwriting.

_Take your time. I'm waiting at home. Always. - S_

**A/N: Okay this is my comeback. I'm not too sure about this one but I kind of had to get something out there. Feel free to review or send a PM! :)**


	18. Chapter 18

**Sorry for the long wait guys. But I think at least the length will make up for it. Thank you guys so much for you reviews/alerts and/or favorites. You really make my day. I mean 50 reviews? Hell when I first started I just hoped someone would read this. **

**And I'm sorry about eventual mistakes beforehand. But I was too tired to edit this chapter properly.**

**Disclaimer: Stuff that is Glee related, is sadly not mine.**

Surprisingly the first month was over faster than both Brittany and Santana anticipated. Brittany continued her therapy session with Danny while Santana put all her energy into working at the office as well as figuring out how to fight against the upcoming plea from Kyle's lawyers.

Santana knew how important it was to win this case. She wasn't a fully fledged lawyer but she had been in law school before Brittany needed her help and with help from Quinn she was positive she could handle it.

Brittany made progress fast. When they talked she opened up more willingly, more intense and with every session she seemed to be able to manage to talk a bit longer. He knew that her fear of being touched had been getting better at least slightly. Of course he had not much reference given their relationship was not physical.

Danny was just glad that Brittany got better every day. Handling her feelings wasn't as hard as it was in the beginning. But he knew the real test would be if she started to go out again and live her life. For the time being she lived in a little safety bubble created by Danny and Santana. She didn't need to go out for groceries or any other stuff. That was provided by Danny and if she went out it was never alone. Danny was always by her side and they avoided crowded places.

He knew that she still got overwhelmed if the emotions were too strong. In the first week she threw a lamp through the living room and broke down crying after one of their intense sessions. She locked herself in her room and cried for at least an hour. She was getting better but still far more sensitive than other people.

Today was her one month therapy anniversary, well or more or less the anniversary of Danny's and Santana's talk about the time Brittany needed to see her again. And Danny had a special gift for her.

The blonde was currently lazily lying on the couch doing whatever when Danny came into the living room at about seven p.m.

"Britt? Do you have a moment?" Danny asked and immediately a blond head emerged from the couch. She was dressed in gray sweat-pants and a white tank top. Her hair left in a messy bun.

"Yeah sure. What's up?" She smiled at him. " Well I kind of have a surprise for you. You really made process in the past month and I think you deserve a little something. Well to keep your spirits up so to say." He threw her a little wink, which made her giggle and her eyes lit up instantly.

"You got me at surprise. I love surprises. So what is it? You know the surprise!" She sure was excited. Danny had to chuckle at her ingenuous response.

"If I told you what the surprise is, it wouldn't be a surprise anymore would it?" He looked at Brittany who frowned. "All I reveal is that you have to get into some decent clothes that are warm enough for outdoors. I mean it's quite warm this fall but still. We don't want you to catch a cold." Brittany tilted her head confused but obliged and made her way over to her room to change. While she was changing Danny typed a quick text: _The duck is waddling._

Brittany stood in front of her closet. Decent clothes. But they should be warm. She decided to wear a pair of blue skinny jeans, a white top under her blue blouse and her favorite black coat. She put on a scarf for good measure and decided since it wasn't raining to wear her vans. That had to do.

When she came out of her room Danny was already dressed and waiting for her. He smiled. " Good choice. So come on we have places to be." Brittany followed him out of the door.

"Where are we going?" Danny smirked. "To my car." This made the blonde only frown again. But still she followed. As soon as he entered the car he shot a quick text _ Be there in ten. Duck on board._

After about ten minutes Brittany knew exactly where they were. It was a park. And not just any park. Their park. Santana's and her's. They had spend many hours there feeding the ducks or just enjoying each others company. As soon as they got out of the car Danny made a beeline to the park entrance and Brittany followed. It wasn't long after that she saw the familiar path that lead to the pond. Danny smiled at her. "This is as far as I go. I bet you know the rest of the way." And without further ado her made his way back to the car. So Brittany had no choice but to walk down the path and see what was in store for her. It was as beautiful as she remembered. The grass was painted in a strong green, the trees stood tall and strong with leaves painted in different colors gracing their crowns.

She reached the pond quickly and gasped when she got a good look at it. There was a blanked spread next to the pond with candles sitting close all over the placing illuminating the scene in a warm glow. There was a basket filled with what Brittany thought food and drinks and just a few meters away from her stood Santana. She wore black skinny jeans and her red coat. Her hair was down and fell in small waves around her shoulders. To Brittany she never looked prettier. The light from the candles making her glow. She had a guitar and when she looked eyes she began to play and sing.

Oh you crawled out of the sea,

Straight into my arms,

Straight into my arms, 

Oh you crawled out of the sea,

Straight into my arms,

Straight into my arms.

Oh you crawled out of the seas,

Straight into my arms,

Straight into my arms.

When she strummed the last note she looked up at Brittany who had tears in her eyes. Santana put the guitar down and made her way over to the blonde.

"Hi." was all she managed to get out of her mouth when she stood in font of her girlfriend. She had so much more to say but she just couldn't get another word out. Instead she just looked at Brittany taking everything about her. Her jeans accenting her strong, lean legs. She wore her favorite coat and had her hair in a bun. She didn't wear any make up but she still looked stunning. Her eyes were still moist and on her lips she had a tender smile.

"Hey yourself. That was beautiful." Their eyes met and Santana wasn't sure if she was allowed to hug her. Brittany seemed to sense this and although she wasn't sure herself she gave in and shyly hugged the woman in front of her. Santana didn't hug her back. She wasn't sure if that wasn't crossing the line but when Brittany squeezed her sides she lightly put her hands on Brittany's back and hugged back. Santana felt the words slowly coming back to her feeling home in Brittany's familiar embrace.

" I'm so proud of you. You came back to me. I always knew you were strong. You crawled out. For you. For me." Brittany pulled away and looked at Santana. The brunette had tears in her eyes as well.

She didn't know what to say so she just smiled at Santana and looked over at the blanket. Santana caught the look.

"Oh yeah I kind of prepared a little picnic for us. I mean just when you're hungry." She looked a little bit nervous.

"Picnic sounds great." This made Santana smile and she made her way over to the blanket offering the blonde a cushion before sitting down.

What Brittany didn't know that Santana wasn't just nervous about the picnic. Earlier this week Danny had called her and made her a deal. She could have a date with Brittany but she had to agree to try to be a bit touchy with her to check out how she felt about that. He told her that she wanted to see how the blonde reacted when she was confronted with touching and thought she would feel best if it was Santana trying to do it.

So far Santana didn't dare to try to touch Brittany like she always would on a date. She was so happy to see her and only did what she was allowed to. Who could blame her? She was almost flipping out when she heard that she wouldn't have to wait another month before she got to see the blonde again. Sure since their talk Danny called her and gave her updates on Brittany's progress but that surely didn't compete against actually seeing her. She was glad that Brittany got better but she knew she would feel lonely and slightly on edge until she had the blonde in her arms and apartment again. Their apartment didn't feel like home without her.

While Santana took out the food an awkward silence filled the air. Normally both girls felt comfortable with each other. This was new but at the same time they knew that they had to work on their relationship when Brittany cam home and both were more than willing to do that.

"Well I brought Mac & Cheese, chocolate covered strawberries and Dr. Pepper." At the mention of Dr. Pepper Brittany's face lit up.

"Your are the best. Dr. Pepper sounds awesome." Santana shuffled a bit and go everything out on the blanket for her and Brittany to eat. Santana tried to shuffle a bit closer while they ate but the blonde shied away. "I hope it tastes good. You know my cooking isn't the best. But I thought even I couldn't ruin Mac & Cheese. At least I'm confident in the desert."

"Relax San. It tastes delicious and you know how Mac & Cheese is my favorite." Santana's eyes twinkled. "Yep I know Britt Britt. Only the best for my girl." With that she slowly let her hand wander to Brittany's and interlaced their fingers. The blonde looked up and Santana swore she could see a hint of discomfort but it soon vanished and Brittany relaxed at the touch and smiled at Santana. They ate the rest of their meals talking about everything and nothing. Just chattering away catching up, enjoying the company. They avoided the topic of therapy for now. They both wanted to enjoy this moment and just be together without being remembered of all the things going on in their lives.

After their meal Santana cleaned up the plates and the girls lay down on the blanket, bodies not touching but hands clasped between them. On a normal date Santana would have snuggled up to the blonde beside her or she would have pulled her to her so that she could lay her head on her shoulder. But tonight she wasn't sure of anything. In the back of her head she heard Danny's voice asking her to just like everything was fine but she just couldn't. She was to content with Brittany lying beside her. Watching her chest rise and fall slowly a smile gracing her soft pink lips.

Brittany lay next to Santana and felt good but there seemed to be missing something. She really wanted to be nearer to the brunette but was afraid of how she would feel about this. Brittany didn't want to hurt the feelings of the girl beside her. She had been so good to her never pushing her and caring for her whenever she needed her. For gods sake she climbed on a sixth floor facade to get her to calm down.

She made up her mind. Slowly put surely she scooted closer to the Latina.

Santana noticed Brittany's scooting immediately but decided to just lay there and not move. Brittany stopped almost after every passed inch as if she waited to see if the brunette would jump her. Santana knew that she had to lay still giving the blonde the confidence and feeling of safety to move closer to her.

After some minutes Brittany was snuggled lightly into Santana's side. She inhaled her familiar scent. Home. She surprised herself when she drunk in Santana's warmth and scent just let her head rest in the crook of her neck. She felt her body tense just for a second before she let herself relax.

"How are you doing Britt?" the blonde tensed a bit. They had avoided that topic the whole time.

"I'm doing fine San. Therapy is going well. I mean look at where we are right know ´. We are cuddling and I don't feel miserable and sick about it." Santana slowly nodded against Brittany's head. But then in two seconds she ruined the moment. Santana tried to slowly put her arm around Brittany and brushed her thigh. Immediately the blonde shot up and moved away from Santana.

"Britt I'm so sorry. Damn I just... I shouldn't have. I pushed the limit. It was so selfish." she looked really shocked at herself, "I'm really sorry."

"It's okay San. I mean I was the one to come onto you although I wasn't so sure about the whole thing. I'm sorry for hurting your feelings again. But you have to believe me it's not that I don't want to be close to you. I .. I kind of just can't. And now you probably feel like I don't want to and..." her rambling was stopped by Santana calling her out.

"BRITT!" that sure got her attention and she looked at the Latina. "Really calm down. I'm fine if you're fine. I mean I was just so glad to be near you again and all that I didn't consider your feelings. I'm just so proud to see all the progress you have made. And I bet when we see each other again you will be even better. And even if it isn't I'm there to cheer you on and remind you that you can do it. Really Britt you turn me into a total sap but believe me when I tell you that a lifetime

just holding your hand is better than a lifetime without you." The blonde had tears tickling down her face and smiled lovingly at her girlfriend in front of her. " And perhaps I'll even have another surprise for you. So no more tears."

"Another one? Come one San tell me already." Brittany pouted at her through the tears that were still falling.

"It's a surprise and I'm gonna make sure it stays one. So no need to ask. And really Britt you have to stop crying. Smile more. You are so beautiful when you smile."

The blonde blushed and wiped her eyes. " Danny told me the exact same thing today." Santana immediately looked serious. "He told you you look beautiful when you smile? " Brittany's eyes went wide. "No San not that. I mean the thing about surprises. Danny is like a brother." Santana immediately relaxed and smirked at Brittany.

"Well you are way too curious about stuff like that." Brittany mock glared at her, "I'm just excited. And really you are the one who gets all antsy every time someone talks about surprises. You are far more worse than I am." She was still sporting an adorable pout which made Santana break out in laughter. It felt so good to just banter with Brittany like that. It made Santana smile so wide that she didn't think it would be physically possible to get wider.

One look at Brittany made her resolve to get the "Kyle Case" done by next month only stronger. She would do anything to help Brittany stay happy and get back to normal. And winning this case was essential for the blonde. The more time she had to actually get better and digest everything that happened the more calm and settled she would be if it eventually came to a release for that bastard in the far future. And even if in thirty years it was too much she was not kidding when she told her girlfriend that she would kill him. The protectiveness Santana had felt over the blonde since the day they have met has never worn off.

"No one gets as excited as you do B." She glanced at her watch and saw that it was almost midnight.

"It's getting pretty late. Let's pack up then I'll give you a drive home. We don't want to worry Danny." Brittany looked as sad as Santana felt at the prospect of leaving each others side. Nonetheless she nodded and helped Santana clean up the dishes and the blanket. They slowly made their way out of the park. They walked close enough that their hands brushed against each other now and then. They sat in the Latina's car and drove the whole way in silence.

Brittany was sad that their date had to end but it had shown her important things in her life. For one she realized that she had made a lot of progress. She was still broken but she realized that she can be healed and that she is on the right path. And second Santana just reassured her into her feelings. She had been nothing but supportive the whole time. But still Brittany was afraid that in finding herself she would lose Santana. The brunette had shown her that she cared and loved her enough to wait even longer. This has been the best day in months and realized her that she could never give up because she had so much to lose. It felt good to get this motivation because although it was irrational the thoughts of kyle getting out of jail scared her endless. It was still four years away but it was there in the back of her mind. Like a knife ready to stab whenever she wasn't careful enough.

Sure it wouldn't be great in thirty years but it would give her more time to deal, prepare and sleep in peace at night. She was thrown out of her thoughts by the stopping of the car in front of Danny's apartment complex.

The complex was huge. It had twelve floors and a fancy balustrade which must be the one Santana climbed to get to her. The bricks were gray but they might have been blue once. The paint must have faded. To Brittany it looked beautiful. It had character and although the first layer of paint fainted and seemed to be the one more beautiful there was always a layer beneath that which could surprise people and be just as beautiful if no more so.  
>She felt a sense of belonging in this building.<p>

Santana jumped out of the car to open the door for Brittany. The blonde squealed surprised by the sudden action. Well it was more her spacing out than Santana moving too fast but she was still startled by it.

"Sorry Britt I thought you saw me going around the car. I just wanted to you know be a "gentleman" and like open the door for you. I didn't mean to scare you." The blonde's heart was beating wildly.

"Don't ever scare me like that. I think I just had a mild heart attack." She laughed and climbed out of the car. Santana just behind her walking her up to the door. Brittany had to chuckle when she thought Santana kind of looked like a faithful watch dog. Right behind her head perking up at every noise that felt out of place.

When they reached the door Brittany turned around to look at Santana. "Thank you for today San. I had a lot of fun. It was really good to see you. And I can't wait for our next date next month! Take care of yourself." Santana just nodded. And just as the blonde turned around to open the door she felt a strong, warm hand carefully wrap itself around her wrist. Again she turned and looked at the Latina holding her in place. She looked into dark brown eyes.

"I love you." the words were whispered and Brittany blushed slightly. "I love you too." that made Santana's lips curl up into a bright, warm smile. She retracted her hand from Brittany's hand and watched her enter the building before climbing into her car to drive home.

In the elevator Brittany felt butterflies racing inside her stomach. It felt so good to her Santana say these three words to her. She knew they had only been together for three weeks before the incident but they have known each other so much longer. Since she was a little girl she had decided she wanted to marry the small fierce Latina who kicked anyone that dared to make fun of her.

Santana arrived at home and immediately kicked her shoes off and plopped down on the couch. She felt really light for the first time in months. Brittany looked so much better and in one month they could meet again. If things came along nicely perhaps she would even have a shot at getting Brittany back at the apartment. She felt really good so when her phone rang she sounded more jolly than she wanted to when she answered.

"What's up Q?" Quinn on the other end of the line laughed at the sing song voice of her best friend.

"So let me guess your date with Britt went well?" Santana's grin against stretched all over her face.

"Yeah it did. And I'm really in the mood for some company. I mean this past month without you here went fine but I really miss spending quality time with my best friend. So how about I come over and we pop in some "The Walking Dead" ?"

"I'm all in. It's been some time since I got my dose of some nice zombie killing." Santana laughed. She knew Quinn wasn't really that into the series but willing to watch it with the brunette.

"Okay Q. I'll be over in thirty."

"Perfect bitch. Don't forget to bring some wine and chips." With that the blonde hung up leaving Santana's carefully chosen insult unspoken.

Thirty minutes later Santana was standing in front of Quinn's door in one hand a bottle of wine in the other a big chips bag. She was dressed in some gray sweat pants, a white tank top and her favorite leather jacket. Her hair in a messy ponytail. She knocked on the door and a few seconds later Quinn stood in front of her. She wore a similar gray pair of sweats and a hoddie.

She stood there blocking the door.

"Do you have the wine and chips?" Santana smirked and waved the goods in front of her friends face. With a smile Quinn stepped back into the apartment giving Santana a chance to get in.

Quinn's apartment was pretty big. She had three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a large kitchen and nice living room. One of the bedrooms was the master bedroom for Quinn, the second one was her office and the third one was for guests. Her living room was painted in a faint, light green matching her red couch. The couch stood almost in the middle of the room facing a huge flat screen that hung on the wall. To the left of the screen was a huge shelf full with DvD's. Santana made a beeline for the shelf grabbing her Season 1 of "The Walking Dead". She had stored them at Quinn's because Brittany hated it when she watched the show. So she kind of only watched it when she was at Quinn's.

"Oh I really missed you baby." Santana cooed to the DVD in her hand. Quinn had to smile at Santana's antics.

"So now that you two lovebirds are reunited tell me all about your date. I want details." At the mention of her girlfriend this goofy smile spread again across Santana's face.

"It was awesome Quinn. At first it was a bit tensed and awkward but we got past that fast enough. And she looked so much better. You should have seen her," the Latina gushed "she was smiling and just seemed so alive. I even got to hug her for a greeting and she held my hand. When we lay down on the blanket she even snuggled up to me. I mean before I couldn't even touch her arm without her freaking out." Santana was now full on beaming and Quinn couldn't help but smile at this particular piece of information.

"That sounds great San. I mean I haven't really been in contact since her therapy started. Did you talk about therapy at all?" Suddenly Santana found her pants far more interesting than anything else. "I didn't really ask about anything in particular. She just told me she made progress and I left it at that. I mean I could see that she was getting better and I just wanted to enjoy my time with her. I mean I get updates from Danny all the time. And I only got to meet her really to gauge her reactions to anything physical and report back to him."

"I know you told me last week when you called me all excited that you would get to go on a date with B. So what are you going to tell Danny exactly?"

Santana shifted a uncomfortably.

"I just told you that we hugged and she snuggled up to me and well that only worked really as long as I stayed more or less still. I mean when she hugged me she gave me kind of a sign when it was okay to hug back but when she snuggled up and I tried to pull her closer she kind of bolted away." Quinn moved closer to Santana with concerned eyes and placed a caring hand on her shoulder.

"You okay? I mean you did say she looked much better."

"Yeah I'm fine I mean I'm angry but not at her for flinching away but more at myself for being so inconsiderate. I really have to learn to control myself. I don't want to scare her away you know? I just got her back." Quinn slowly put her arms around Santana and hugged her tightly.

"I know S. Trust me you won't lose her. And know come on there is a bottle of wine with our name's on it, a bag of chips just waiting to get devoured and I really wants to get my zombie on." Santana laughed hard at Quinn's poor attempt to copy her high school ghetto slang. She took her by the hand and both sat down on the couch. Ready for a nice evening with their best friend.

Meanwhile Danny and Brittany were sitting in the living room of his apartment, a bowl of popcorn between them watching "The little Mermaid". Danny noticed that Brittany was in a extremely good mood and had to give the credit to that probably to Santana. He knew Brittany had more than earned this little date. Since his talk with Santana and her little break down she had been really pushing herself to get better in every session.

But it wasn't only all good will. Danny really needed this information from Santana. He knew how Brittany was developing mentally but physically was just a whole other story. He concluded that the person who could most likely check how sensitive Brittany was about touching without freaking her out was Santana.

He himself could only see the progress in little things. For example four weeks ago when they both reached for the sugar Brittany would flinch away and today they sat next to each other with popcorn between them and every once in a while they both put their hand in the bowl at the same time but Brittany didn't even react to that and continued to watch the movie.

Halfway though the movie Brittany shuffled and when Danny looked up he saw her looking at him.

" Danny I .. I just wanted to thank you for today. For letting me see Santana. It really means a lot to me." He smiled at her, she smiled at him and just like that both focused back on the film the smile still gracing their faces.

Brittany went into her room after the movie because she was tired. Hell it was three in the morning. He took this opportunity to call Santana. He knew it was late or rather early but he really wanted to know what Santana could find out.

The phone rang many times until a raspy voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey Santana this is Danny. I'm sorry I'm calling so late. I just wanted to check with you about your date with Brittany today." her heard shuffling on the other end of the line.

"It's okay. I'm just at Quinn's and must have fallen asleep while watching TV." Some more shuffling and the voice of the Santana was back. Clearer and louder this time.

"Okay well let's get down to business. I haven't been exactly the "groping geezer" you wanted me to be. But I still got you some intel." Danny chuckled at the choice of words. Never had he told her to be a exactly a "groping geezer" but leave it to Santana to take words out of context and make them sound rather awkward."Just tell me what you got Santana. This is important."

"Well you know she hugged me and after she kind of gave me permission I could hug her back. She held my hand and I could hold it back. At some point she snuggled up to me. But it seemed to me like she was checking after every inch she made if it was still safe to go on. As if would jump her or something. Well I held still and then she ended with her head on my shoulder and I think she relaxed after being a bit stiff at first but when I tried to move my arm around her she got up faster than you can say "badass". After that I juts couldn't start another grope attack. I obviously crossed the line already."

"That's alright Santana," Danny reassured her, "that's enough for me to work with. Just remember we are getting there. Okay so that's just really I all I wanted to know. I'll get the rest from Brittany. So you better get back to sleep. I don't want to be the cause of lack of beauty sleep or something like that." Just as he was about to hang up he heard Santana's voice again. "Wait. Ahm you know do you think she will be ready to come back home next month?" Danny sighed. "Honestly? I can't promise you that. I know I said you had to wait for two months but with her touching anxiety I'm not really sure. I bet she would be able to live with you again but she might still be appalled to intimate touches so you had to really control yourself around her. But even if that is too early for her I promise you can start seeing each other again." Santana nodded and face palmed herself afterward. She was on the phone.

"Thank you Danny. Do your best for her."

"Always."

The last two weeks were probably the most exhausting of Santana's life. She had her job at Quinn's to pay for the apartment and her living expenses. But she had to take on a second job as her main one wasn't enough anymore to pay her and Brittany's bills. Danny didn't charge her anything for Brittany living with him and although she got an discount his services had to be paid. So she got herself a job as a waitress in a small diner on the outskirts to avoid to meet anyone she knew or for that matter knew her. If Quinn would know about that she would like raise her salary or just lend her money but the young Latina had her pride and since she was Brittany's girlfriend she felt like she had to be able to provide for both of them. She wanted to do this on her own.

That lead to her working everyday at Quinn's as a secretary, every second day the week she worked at the diner and after work she would breed over the "Kyle Case" either with or without Quinn. She had researched most of the plea Kyle's lawyers had to get him out of jail. And since Santana did her homework it was rather pathetic. She figured all she needed was a good therapist that could examine Kyle and see through his lies to get him into jail. But she also knew that they could want to hear a witness talk about Kyle. She knew that someone must have already testified against Kyle but she bet it was one of the dancers she didn't know the name of. And she would bet her ass that if they got the chance they would want to hear Brittany at court. And she knew that wasn't an option. That's why she worked her butt of to make her appeal water proof. But she could never be sure about it. She needed a plan B.

Her plan B came in form of Mike Chang. She had called him to arrange a meeting. She wanted to see if he was willing to testify against Kyle if it came down to it.

They agreed to meet at a cafe near Mike's new studio. After their phone call she was curious how he had been. The shooting must have left some sort of impact on him too. She was impressed to hear that he was dancing again and seemed to be where he left off. Brittany was still struggling to get to her day to day life. Santana strolled through the apartment. She had two hours to kill before she was to meet Mike so she decided to take a jog to clear her head. She jogged for about an hour before she had enough and decided to take a long shower. It felt good to feel her body so alive after the jog. Since she started her second job she only felt tired but jogging like this made her feel rather alive as she felt muscles ripple under her skin.

After her shower she got dressed in simple black jeans and a red blouse, took her jacket and drove to the cafe. She had seen Mike once before when she brought Brittany lunch to the studio. He was tall with short black hair, a muscular body and brown attentive eyes with a spark in them she knew all to well from Brittany showing his passion for his profession.

She entered the cafe and the first thing she noticed was the smell of strong black coffee. She already liked this place. Tables were orderly placed across the room. There were four rows with three sets of tables and chairs each.

In the middle of the shop was the counter with the baristas behind it. The cafe was pretty full. Considering that it was lunch time she shouldn't be so surprised. She spotted Mike in the far right corner of the cafe.

It was now or never. Mike was her best chance to get a potential witness and get Brittany out of harms way. She mad her way over to his both and as soon as he saw her he stood up to greet her. He looked just like she remembered him as he greeted her with a friendly smile.

"Hi Mike. Thanks for meeting me." She held out her hand to shake his.

"Not a problem. How's Britt?" he sat down back at the booth and motioned for her to do the same.

"I haven't heard from her at all since you know the shooting and stuff."

"She is getting there. She had a really hard time coping but she is on the right way." She chose to stay vague about all Brittany went and was still going through if possible. It wasn't really her story to tell others.

"I'm glad to her that. Please tell her if she wants to I would love to you know get together and talk." Santana smiles.

"I bet she wants to but for now she s a bit busy so don't expect a call too soon. She still has a lot on her plate." She was getting a bit nervous.

"how have you been since then? I mean you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." He watched her intently for a minute before speaking.

"It wasn't no isn't easy. Dealing with something like that. Has Brittany told you everything that happened? " Santana nodded.

"Well she told me everything she remembers until she passed out." Mike looked out of the window.

How had she missed it? Mike had been struggling too. And if she looked more carefully she could see small bags under his eyes and more lines in his face. He looked older. The most striking were his eyes. The ones attentive brown ones were guarded and suspicious looking.

"I have been working in a studio for four months now. And well I just opened my own last week again. At first I have really struggled just entering a studio you know. I sometimes still get panic attacks but I can deal with them now. The nightmares are worse. But they have been decreasing and are now only showing when I'm really stressed out." He seemed a defeated. The brunette started to feel bad to ask him but she knew she had to.

"I'm sorry to hear that you still have these problems but I'm really glad to see that you are fighting. Actually why I wanted to talk to you today has got something to do with Kyle. His lawyers are trying to get him into an asylum so that they can get him out after possibly only four years." Mike looked at her clearly shocked.

"I have been working on an appeal to fight against this try. And I'm pretty sure I can win this. But if it comes down to it they could want to talk to one of the victims as a witness. Otherwise they might really get through with claiming him insane. Practically letting him off the hook avoiding the punishment he deserves." Mike was still looking at the window and had been getting pale with every word she said. What would she give to be able to look inside this head of his at the moment. He looked tired. Too tired to battle his demons. She knew this look well. She had seen it on Brittany many times.

"Why me?" was all he croaked out.

"You are the one I know best from all the dancers and Britt always told me you were a really good and loyal guy so you are the only one I would actually trust not to mess this up." This time he looked up at her puzzled.

"What about Brittany? Wouldn't she be the best one to be witness?"

Santana gulped audibly. She wanted to avoid to go too much into the blondes state but she knew she couldn't help it anymore. Mike wanted answers and for what she asked of him he deserved them.

She knew he still struggled with this but she also knew that Brittany was far more fragile and appeared to be better but she was still in the little safety bubble Danny and her created for her.

"Listen Mike. I know you don't owe me anything. I know you risked your life to protect Brittany and I can't even say how grateful I am to you that you tried to save her. But after the shooting Britt was trapped in something people call catatonic immobility for six months. She just recently found her way back and if she is exposed to all of this now I'm afraid she might crumble again and I really don't know if she would be able to find her way back again. And it scares the shit out of me." By now Santana had tears in her eyes. She wallowed and willed them away but Mike could still see them.

"I didn't know it was that bad I'm really sorry Santana. But I have to think about this a bit. I'm not saying know just give me a couple of days to think." She nodded rashly. She knew she couldn't ask mike for more than really thinking about it.

"Thank you Mike. I was right to trust Britt#s judgment about you. You really are a good guy."

They stayed for a little bit longer and talked a bit until Mike had to leave for one of his dance classes. They said their goodbye's and Santana made her way home.

She felt hopeful. She had a potential witness to spare Brittany the embarrassment and dread of telling a bunch of people all this son of a bitch did to her and the others.

Life wasn't easy but she found that with each passing day it seemed to slowly get better again.

**A/N: So another chapter. It would make my day if you lovely people reviewed and gave me some feedback. It doesn't matter if it is positive or negative. Cause I'm here to share my stories/ passion for writing and become a better writer ;)**


	19. Chapter 19

**Okay here's another update. I know it wasn't really fast but at least it didn't take as long as the last. I'm really trying to get these things done quicker. **

**Thank you to all of you who put this on alert or favorite. I'm really amazed and crazy happy every single time!**

**Special thanks to crazyfornaya, Ms. , and Snixx22 for reviewing! :)**

**Oh and I'm sorry for any mistakes but it's 6:30 in the morning and I kind of feel like my proof reading skill is just not working right now.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing Glee related is mine.**

It is official. Santana feels like an ox. She has been working like crazy these past three weeks. She managed to get an appointment in court against Kyle's plea to get into an Asylum. Now that she had a chance to counter his plea she was determined to get through with this. She wasn't sure how everything would unfold once the hearing starts and if she really needed a witness. She had two days until then and her nervousness made her go into overdrive. She lived of coffee and about four hours of sleep every night. She tried to look fine but the bags under her eyes betrayed her. Quinn had been with her almost every night for a few hours to bring her plea to perfection.

Quinn would be with her in court but Santana was determined to bring her plea to the judge and the jury. Quinn was only supposed to intervene when she was losing. Santana had her pride but she would never let it get in the way to make sure Kyle got the sentence he deserved.

Brittany on the other hand was working hard in her own way. Danny had brought home a human sized hug doll to help her initiate contact and deal with her issues of being touched.

At first she laughed at him but she soon realized that she had still a lot of issues to work on. Her first task was to hug the inanimate doll but as soon as she wrapped hr arms around the doll it started to hug her back engulfing her in it's mechanic arms. At one point she wasn't sure if it really happened or if it was the rising panic in her throat but she felt as if the doll had groped her ass that's when she lost it. Before her flashed images of Kyle lying on top her her, she felt helpless cornered and just had to flee. She fought off the doll and sat down on the ground legs pushed up and her arms tightly holding on to them. Danny was by her side immediately "Brittany calm down everything is okay you are safe here. That's just a doll. It can't hurt you." his voice was calm and soothing and helped the blonde to control her fast breathing.

Once she had calmed down enough Danny spoke again. "What's wrong? I thought hugging was okay? I mean you were fine hugging Santana." Brittany looked up at Danny and he saw how disshelved and vulnerable she looked. "I guess it's just that I trust San more than anyone else." She took deep breaths to steady herself.

"It's fine Brittany. No one thought you would just go and jump people after everything. And well that's what I'm here for. To help you get over that. So why did you panic just now?"

"When the doll hugged back there were just all these images of Kyle and me being helpless and trapped beneath him. I just saw red and needed to get away. It wasn't even a real conscious decision. It was just like that time with Santana on the blanket. You know when I lay down with her and snuggled up to her but when she tried to snake her arm around me and grazed my thigh I just lost it and leapt away from her."

Danny nodded understandingly at her. He extended his hand and put it on Brittany's back. When she didn't flinch away he rubbed soothing circles on her back. "Do you mind that?" he asked softly and the blonde nodded her head. No.

"I know these touches can really trigger unwanted memories that we want to bury so deep we'll never find them again. But that's just not how it works. What I can promise you is that when you heal these memories won't be triggered as often and in time they'll vanish and may only surface in extreme situations. And until then I have a task for you. Whenever you hug or touch someone and those images appear take a deep breath and really think about the situation and the person touching you. Try to look past the bad and see how the individual makes you feel. If the feeling is good enjoy it and if not separate as fast as you can. You think you can do that?" His hand was still rubbing circles on her back and he felt that the ragged breathing had stopped and Brittany was breathing evenly again.

"Yeah I guess I mean I basically have to get rid of the bad images and focus on the feelings that are present?" He wasn't sure if it was a question or a statement so Danny nodded his head encouragingly. When Brittany lowered her head again he feared she might be reconsidering but within two seconds the blonde was on her feet smiling down at him. "Come on lazy bones. I want to get my cuddle on." He laughed at her attempt to without a doubt imitate Santana's ghetto accent. Brittany offered him her hand and he gratefully took it. The pair made their way over to the hug doll again. Time for round two.

Quinn was sitting in her office. She had been observing Santana this past week and realized that she looked more tired every day. The bags under her eyes got darker and she looked even more drowsy each passing day. The hearing really was taking it's toll on her. She should know almost every night Santana dragged her over to her apartment for a quick check up on the plea she was about to give. Santana needed a time out. Quinn knew what she had to do. As Santana made her way out of the office at 5:30 Quinn intercepted her.

"Where do you think you are going?" she asked the brunette. Santana really wasn't in the mood to talk to Quinn. She needed to head to the diner she had a shift from six to midnight and didn't want to come in late.

"Not time Q. I have to be on my way." Quinn grabbed Santana's wrist just as she wanted to pass her by.

"Not tonight. Tonight you and me are going to go out." Santana's eyes widened. Quinn could be very persistent when she wanted to take Santana out. She needed to find a plausible excuse. And that fast.

"Q I'd love to but I can't. I have to go to the tire shop you know? Getting the tires changed and stuff." Santana mentally congratulated herself. Her excuse did not only sound kind of on spot but Quinn had no idea about anything when it came to cars. She could tell her almost everything and she would believe her.

"Well take it there tomorrow then. Come on Satan I'm not gonna give up that easily. Go out with me!" Santana sighed. If this goes on any longer she will be late.

"You know I can't. Tomorrow is the last day before the hearing and I have to arrange my stuff and meet up with Mike."

"Santana that's even more reason for you to go out. Try to focus on something else for a change. You need this night off. I mean I can drive you around tomorrow if that helps the whole car matter."

This was getting ridiculous. Quinn would really be her driver for the day just to get her a night off. This whole set up smelled fishy.

"Okay Fabray spit it out. What's really going on here?" Santana looked at her half accusing half challenging.

Quinn never one to back down from a fight countered " Well why don't you enlighten me and tell me the real reason you can't go out with me tonight Lopez?" Santana was shocked for a moment. Quinn couldn't know about the diner.

"What do you mean Q? I just told you I have .." Quinn shook her head, disappointed with Santana

"go to the tire shop." the blonde finished for her friend.

"Do you really think I believe that?"

"Yeah I do because it's the truth!" Santana's face was a light shade of red and she started to bite her lip slightly. A sign that she was lying or at least hiding something.

"For the love of god I know San okay? I know and if you ask yourself if I'm angry and disappointed because you didn't tell me fucking hell I'm furious!" Quin all but shouted at Santana who seemed to have shrunken an inch or two under the blondes furious gaze.

"How did you find out?" Santana squeaked out not meeting Quinn's hazel eyes.

"I noticed that you are always tired and when i cam by your apartment last week you weren't there. The old lady from next door was there and we chatted a bit and she said you have been working like a maniac at your new job." Santana mumbled something that sounded like "that old chattering hag." but Quinn continued. "When I asked her what new job she said something about a diner or a cafe because you always wear a shirt and matching apron or something. That's how I knew something was going on and then all I had to do was follow you to get me t "T-Dog's Diner". Really lever Santana no one would enter that biker diner."

Santana was speechless. She felt embarrassed that Quinn had called her out on her shit like that and angry at herself. When she saw the disappointed look in Quinn's face. Because really beside Brittany Quinn is the person she trusts the most.

"I'm sorry Quinn. It's just that I really wanted to make ends meet for Britt and me. I knew if I told you you would have lent me money or raised my paycheck or something but I wanted to do this myself. What good am I as a girlfriend when i can't even get us through a tough time? You know B is for me my family. And one should be able to provide for ones family." Santana looked up at Quinn ready to face her hard glare but instead she saw soft and teary eyes look down at her.

"You stupid idiot" cried Quinn as she pulled Santana in for a tight hug. "Britt and I we are practically sisters and you are my best friend. Both of you are family to me. So don't think you can't talk to me because I want to make sure that my family is well too. I love you guys so much." Santana was now crying holding Quinn tightly. She couldn't imagine a better friend than Quinn and no one more worthy to be part of her and Britts family. She mumbled "We love you too" into Quinn's neck before separating herself from the blonde.

"But seriously Q if you knew that I have to work today why did you ask me out?" Quinn smirked.

"Well Auntie Q here talked to your boss and convinced him to give you the night off."

"How the hell did you do that? He's pretty strict about that."

"Oh I just might have promised him that you'll show him your boobs. No biggie." To say Santana was shocked was the understatement of the year. Her face morphed. Her eyes were open wide her mouth hung open and her eyebrows were scrunched together. Quinn couldn't contain her laughter at the sight before her.

" You have what? Lucy Quinn Fabray I hope you now that you are dead meat." At the mention of her full name Quinn cringed.

"Chillax Lopez. I just promised him to come back with some female friends another time. Your boobs are safe." Santana's face visibly relaxed. " Seriously don't scare me like that ever again. Who knows what he would have to my girls if he saw them in all their glory." Her face already already sported a smirk again and she hooked her arm with Quinn's.

"So if you made a deal with the devil to get me free for one night we should put it to good use. Let's go get our drink on." she pulled Quinn out by the arm and tried to hail a cab ,"and just so you know you will sit down with me and look over the plea again tomorrow as you are responsible for me slacking off today." Quinn sighed, shook her head and laughed.

"Wouldn't have it any other way Lopez. Now get your ass in gear. I want to have fun tonight."

Two hours later both girls were sitting in a both laughing hysterically. They were both nursing their third cocktail and slightly tipsy. They were at a bar near Santana's apartment. They couldn't even remember the name. It was something like 'Joe's' or 'John's' ? A typical name for a typical bar. The bar was in the far left corner of the bar. There was a small stage with a guy playing soft tunes on his guitar. There were tables littering the floor and some booths by the wall. One currently occupied by Santana and Quinn.

"And seriously" Quinn's laugh getting louder "he called me, you know Puck and said he ended things with Lauren and said I could now handle her like any other of my employees. Though he said I shouldn't fire her just because it's over whatever THAT was but well her work was insufficient and only Puck's protection made me keep her." Santana was now full on laughing. "Let me guess Q you are going to play poacher hunting your white office rhino ?"

That comment made Quinn break out in laughter again. "Well I have something like that in mind." She smiled mischievously and her eyes trail of a little bit to the left of Santana's head. It's just a second but Santana notices the stare and looks over and sees a tall, muscular blonde guy looking over to them staring back at Quinn.

"What's up with you eye-sexing blondie over there Q?" Quinn's head snaps up to Santana her cheeks gaining a rosy color. She was clearly embarrassed for being caught.

"I wasn't eye-sexing him. But he has been looking over for quiet some time and gosh come on Santana I know you are like gay to the point you puke rainbows but you have to admit hat he looks hot." Santana rolled her eyes in typical fashion before shooting back "Well if he is so hot then I have only two things to say to you flatten your belly and push your breasts out." The response was an immediate collision of Quinn's fist with her arm. "Not funny S. And even if he was the hottest guy on earth it's girls night out today I'm not gonna leave you here for blonde underwear model at the bar." Santana had to suppress a chuckle Quinn eyed this guy like she eyed bacon. Kind of hungry. It wouldn't surprise her if she started drooling a little.

"Let me get this straight I'm Santana fucking Lopez not some lame cock blocking friend. So Q swing your snow white ass over there and talk to him. If he is a total douche I'll help you out otherwise rub you earlobe and I'll go home." Quinn still eyed her unsure. "Really Quinn just go for it. You have earned a night of fun and really I'm tired so let me just get to my bad please?" Again still wanted opened her mouth to protest so Santana quickly added " Seriously Quinn how long has it been since you got laid? I bet there are spider webs between your legs so go over there now." When she saw Quinn's eyebrows crunch together Santana knew she had won this round. Quinn just flipped her off and made her way over to the blonde guy.

Santana eyed the two of them talking, throwing shy glances at each other. Quinn was pulling the shy girl. Playing with her her, give him the puppy eyes and sometimes she would look down for a moment as if embarrassed and then focus her hazel Bambi orbs on the guy again. It didn't take long for Quinn to discretely rub her earlobe indicating Santana that she could go home.

Santana took her time finishing her cocktail, paying and making her way outside.

Santana enjoyed the clean air outside. It was a nice clear evening. She briefly thought about hailing a cab which would make her way home faster but at a night as nice as this one she decided to walk home. This little night out with Quinn was really nice. She had for the first time since she took that case not thought of it. She was enjoying herself letting loose. Sure tomorrow the whole anxiety over this case would return but tonight she knew she would sink into her bed and get a good nights rest before life would catch up to her soon enough.

Santana woke up to a steady pounding in her head. Puff. Puff. Puff. Like a pulse it was steady but unlike it it wasn't her lifeline but more of a torture line in her head. She really needed some aspirin. A nice relaxing shower and two aspirins later Santana stood in her bedroom looking over at her phone.

She had three messages. The first one was from Danny telling her that Britt was fine and asking her to call later that day. The second one was from Mike telling her that they would meet at 13.30 in cafe they met last time. The last text made her smile. It was from Quinn: _Santana you are a bitch but thank you for pressuring me to talk to Jason yesterday. We had a really good time. Call me later. -Q_

Quinn seemed so excited. But for now she had other things to focus on. Her clock read 12:48 so she had to get going. She didn't want to leave Mike waiting. She dressed casually in black jeans, a red hoodie and putting her favorite jacket and a pair of converse on.

She arrived early at the cafe which was quiet busy at the moment. She made her way though the rows to the booth Mike and herself had occupied the last time. She ordered a coffee and waited. She knew she was early but her nervousness made her go come over pretty fast. She really intended to keep Mike out of everything if possible but she knew there was a chance she might need him. The judge or the jury might want to hear from a first hand witness to confirm the psychological attest a neutral psychologist made. And I that case he was crucial to her success. To say she felt bad was an understatement. Seeing Mike so guarded, tense and still kind of broken when he talked about all the things that happened tight knots up her throat. It was just so damn important to have someone to support her plea if possible and Mike was her only hope. She couldn't drag Brittany into this and risk a relapse but she was sure she wouldn't find another person willing to do this. All her hopes rested on Mike Chang.

She was pulled out of her thoughts by a hand on her shoulder. She jumped up and turned around and looked into warm, guarded brown eyes.

"Hey Santana. Sorry for the wait." he said while sitting down opposite her.

"No it's okay Mike. Actually I'm just early so you are perfectly on time." she smiled timidly at him which her returned. It was soon obvious to both Santana and Mike that smiling only got them so far. It was heading into the dangerous awkward direction. One of them had to start and to Santana's surprise it was Mike who spoke first.

"Okay Santana let's just cut the chase. These past days I really thought about our conversation and what you asked of me. I'm really sorry that I called you last minute like this." Santana hung on his every word and quickly replied "No problem. I know I'm asking for a lot." and motioned to him with a small nod to continue. Mike smiled shakily at her.

"Actually you aren't asking for a lot. I mean I have the chance to make sure that Kyle get's his rightful punishment. I know I will feel uncomfortable sitting in the same room and telling random people what happened to me. To the others." _To Britt. _Santana thinks. " But I should thank you. You give me an opportunity to take action against him. When he came into the studio I was helpless, just another victim. I couldn't do anything. Not to help the others. Not to help Brittany. Hell I couldn't even help myself. But now you give me the chance to stand up to him on fair grounds. To really do something. It might come too late for those who didn't make it but it will give those others relief. And I know I would never forgive myself if I let this opportunity slip by." Santana was speechless so all she did was look at Mike while he continued.

"If you had asked me a few months ago I know I would have been too much for me to handle. That's probably why you want to keep Britt from all of this. But now I'm ready." As soon as these words left Mikes mouth Santana felt as if half of the world had been lifted off of her shoulders. She felt her eyes well up with tears. But not only because she now had her witness. No her heart went out to Mike. He was so focused, loyal and honorable. He wanted to fight. But not only for himself. He wanted to fight for everyone Kyle ever hurt and for anyone who could be victim to him again. Who said you had to watch movies to see strong men fighting against evil masterminds? If Mike wasn't the bravest and strongest guy than who was? Ready to face his nightmares head on. Santana was left speechless, all she could do was stand up and tackle Mike in a hug. He was surprised but hugged back quickly.

After a few seconds she whispered "Thank you so much." against his strong chest. Mike gently pulled out of her grasp to look her in the eyes. He was smiling.

"What are you smiling for?" she quickly went back to her cocky self after she just threw her whole body at Mike.

" No really thank you Santana." The brunette tilted her head slightly to the side confused.

"What exactly for really?"

"For fighting for us." Santana blushed under his gentle gaze. His eyes were less guarded and shone thankful and proud at her.

"Well.. I mean Britt is.. " she stammered until he interrupted her.

"I know you only started this because of Brittany but if you win this case you'll help all the victims. The one's that survived will sleep tight knowing he is behind bars and the families of the one's that died can perhaps start to move on knowing the one taking their loved one didn't get away with it just like that. And just so you know I believe that if one of us got up to you with this case even if Brittany wasn't involved you would have tried to help."

Santana was left baffled. She knew Mike was right. She wanted to become a lawyer to help people and be sure justice was served. But she was really moved that he thought so much of her. It made her chest fill with pride. The only other people who constantly saw the best in her were Brittany and Quinn.

"If you need _anything_ Mike please let me know. Don't hesitate to ask." They smiled at each other again and this time it wasn't timid and nothing was awkward.

"Sorry Santana but I really have to go now. I have to teach a class in 15 minutes. Do you need us to meet up before the hearing or anything?" She contemplated his question for a second. All they could want from him was his witness story and maybe some details how he perceived Kyle before he came to gun them down.

"No just have your story about the shooting and perhaps some things about how Kyle behaved in general ready. But don't worry we'll do a short briefing at court."

"Okay just text me the time again later. I kind of lost the note I made. So I'll see you tomorrow at court." Santana quickly went in to hug him again before he made his way out of the cafe. She needed to call Quinn to go over the plea again but first things first. She sat back down and pulled out her phone and dialed the number she knew by heart by now.

Danny was sitting in the living room. Brittany and him were watching TV and she just went into the kitchen to make some hot chocolate. When his phone rang and he saw the caller Id he answered immediately.

"Hey Santana."

"Hi Danny I got your text what's up?" Danny shifted slightly and looked to the door just to make sure Brittany wasn't here yet.

"Just wanted to ask if everything is ready for tomorrow? Did Mike agree to be witness?" He whispered down the line.

" Yeah he is. I'm so glad he agreed. Why are you whispering?" Danny looked to the door again just to make sure no one was there.

"Well Brittany is in the kitchen. And since this is all about keeping Brittany out of this case I thought it wouldn't be in our interest if I risked talking too loud. But if you would like I could scream down the phone and ask you out about every little detail about the Kyle-Case tomorrow" he smirked a bit.

"Really funny Danny. I know you are right you are only cautious. So I really have to call Quinn now. You know to get together one last time and work on the plea. It has to be waterproof."

"Yeah sure. Santana I trust you that Kyle will get what he deserves so I won't wish you good luck. Just call or text me when it's done." Santana smiled.

"I will." As Danny hung up he turned his head again. He was kind of paranoid that Brittany could hear anything. He didn't see anything and let his body slouch on the couch relived. If he had turned his head earlier he would have seen a wide eyed Brittany standing in the door who wanted to ask him if he wanted any marshmallows in his hot chocolate.

**A/N: So Britt knows now? What will happen? A friend of mine had a great idea that I'll try to work in so stay tuned. And please feel free to review :)**


	20. Chapter 20

**I know this update is really late. But believe me it was really a pain in the ass. I mean I'm currently in Brazil on vacation and sat almost the whole day at home to write the last parts and type it into my lap top and it's still sucks …**

**Okay enough of me rambling. **

**Disclaimer: Don't own Glee blaah.**

She looked in the mirror critically studying her pantie and bra clasped body. She used to be very confident about her body. She had to be because as a dancer her body was her tool. Her income her medium to amaze the audience or show moves to the people she trained.

She was proud of her long legs and toned abs. But never prideful. She liked her fair skin and the freckles and small birth marks painting her body.

It was only now that she couldn't see all of that in herself anymore when she looked in the mirror. She reduced herself to the piece of meat he made her. It always rounded up to him and his image in her head keeping her down, helpless and frightened.

It was equally embarrassing and painful for Brittany to think of herself like that. It was the worst when Santana was by her side whispering in her ear that she was beautiful. Danny's attempts to help her break free from these thoughts again and again stung but never reached the pain she felt when Santana would say something sweet to her and all she could think of was how worthless and ugly she felt.

Still she stood in front of this godforsaken mirror and couldn't stop to watch and let her mind wander.

Was it her breasts? Did he do it because she didn't let him grope them? Her ass? Her 'pussy'? It were thoughts that she pondered over and over until it came down to one word.

Why?

Brittany knew she would probably never get an answer to that one question or that there really was none.

That this guy was just so despicable that he wanted nothing but to hurt others. Hurt her, break her.

Suddenly the alarm went off and Brittany almost jumped at the loud steady beeping. She looked at the clock. It was time for her to go. She pulled a pair of black pants over her panties, a white blouse to cover her upper body and a black blazer above that. On her way to the door she slipped into a pair of black ballet flats and put her hair up in a ponytail.

Brittany S. Pierce was ready to face this day.

At least she hoped she really was.

Santana Lopez was a nervous wreck and she didn't need Quinn's soothing words and gestures to realize that. She had been up all night to go over everything again especially details she thought could be crucial to win in the end.

Quinn had to literally wrestle her away from her files and force her to go to bad so that she would at least catch a few hours of much needed sleep.

Santana sleep was fitful and in the middle of the night she woke up with a start. She had dreamt about Kyle leaning over a frightened and helpless Brittany smirking up at her. They were engulfed by darkness and something like a spotlight shone on the two and Santana was frozen she couldn't move only watch as he went to hurt her. She woke up when dream Brittany screamed her name in agony.

Although she showered in the morning she was clammy all over again. Sweat pouring out of her pores as if to wash out her anxiousness.

Santana and Quinn were in front of the court house waiting for Mike. The state psychiatrist Dr. Thompson, who examined Kyle to give an unbiased estimation of his mental health, didn't have to be present. His detailed report was all both judge and jury needed.

"Q where is Mike?" Santana asked pacing up and down in front of the impressive building. It was tall and built with marble and reminded Quinn kind of a fancy manor. Two huge columns supported a large marquee like marble top to shelter, if necessary, from the weather. The doors were sliding doors made out of glass and looked strange in contrast to the huge, sturdy old building they were part of. Next to the doors engraved in the marble were reliefs of Justitia the roman goddess of justice as well as her predecessors the Greek goddesses Themis and Dike. And just beside these were the glass doors behind which you could see the security control and the metal detectors and uniforms. It was a stark contrast.

"Santana it's just half past ten and you told him to be here at 10:45. Just relax." Santana just stared at Quinn eyes wide open. If they weren't in their current situation she might have laughed.

"Relax? Really Quinn? How can I fucking relax when I know that this trial could make or break my girlfriend?" Santana all but yelled at her friend. The next movement was so fast Santana had to time to react and stop the slap to her cheek.

"That's why I tell you to calm down! You need to focus and concentrate on getting this bastards ass behind bars. Relax so you can be at your best when you face him in court to make sure Britt won't even have to think once about breaking down." Quinn was breathing hard after her speech. She had to calm Santana down or else she would be easy prey for Kyle's advocate. Santana looked at Quinn in quiet shock, while her hand reached for the abused flesh of her cheek.

Quinn wanted to open her mouth again, probably to apologize but Santana beat her to it.

"Thanks Q." Quinn looked stunned. She kind of anticipated Santana to growl something about Lima Heights and threatening to beat up her skinny white ass. Not this lopsided grin.

"Don't get me wrong I will get you back for that Fabray. It's just you kind of got me to calm down with that mean slap. Really Q what have you been eating these past few days?" The both chuckled a bit about Santana#s last statement.

"Well Santana I'll be happy to slap the nervous out of you whenever you need me to." Quinn winked and just hugged Santana tightly to tell her that she had faith in her and even that she felt kind of bad for just slapping her. Santana hugged back and wrapped her arms tightly around Quinn.

Quinn was the first to break the embrace and kissed the cheek she slapped earlier before she pulled away completely. Seconds after they broke their hug Santana saw Mike approaching.

"Hi Santana, Quinn - " Both women returned the greeting and, to his surprise, hugged Mike lightly. Mike noticed that both of them went into business mode as soon as the hug broke. They sure looked the part. Quinn wore black pants and Santana a fitting pencil skirt. Both wore white blouses, blazers and to top it off black heels.

Quinn decided to wear her hair in a graceful but tight bun whereas Santana put up her hair in a ponytail.

Mike wore a black suit, a white shirt and a dark blue tie. He himself looked the part clothe wise but any seasoned lawyer could see the uncertainty and fear in his eyes.

"I'm glad you're here Mike and don't worry just relax you really can't do anything wrong. Perhaps we won't even need you as a witness. I hope that I can make it pretty clear to anybody in the room that this bastard belongs behind bars." Quinn smirked at Santana.

"Talking about staying calm what Lopez?" and with that she turned to Mike missing Santana's glare.

"Santana's right Mike. It's going to be just fine and even if they need you statement you'll just tell them about the incident and what a dick that guy was in general." Mike just nodded and tried to collect himself. He knew why he was here and he didn't want to ruin anything.

Quinn gave him a reassuring squeeze but he still looked kind of pale. If it weren't for her natural tanned skin Santana was sure she would look like a ghost. But hell were are talking about Santana fucking Lopez. She held her head high and walked firmly into the building. No one would even dare to think she was nervous at all.

It was five minutes until the hearing would start. A security officer saw a tall blonde woman staring at the court room for over ten minutes now.

"Excuse me, can I help you Miss?" he asked gently. The blonde immediately tensed and made a quick step away from the man. She looked scared at first but soon saw his uniform and seemed to realize that he wouldn't be a threat and relaxed slightly.

"No it's okay. I just need a moment before I can go in. But thank you." With that she turned around, her blue eyes determined took a long breath and walked carefully into the room.

She took a seat a seat in the last row. She wanted to avoid being seen by either Santana or Quinn. She knew they both wanted to protect her and keep her away from this trial but Brittany knew that she couldn't be protected forever. She needed to be here and see this for herself.

The people around her thought she was fragile and dependent and in a way they were right. She needed help getting better and find back to herself but she had already gone quite the way and trusted herself to handle things like these. She knew these people did all of it because they loved her but sometimes that was their fault. In all these times they lost sight of what she was capable of and what they could trust her with. Brittany now looked around to get more familiar with her surroundings.

The row she sat in was one of eight wooden benches on the right side of the room. There were another eight on the left. It made an aisle in the middle to walk though plastered with white marble. Windows on both sides of the walls illuminated the room leaving it in a faint glow. At the end of the isle was a little gate leading to the room the actual hearing took place. In the front was a huge desk wit a sturdy chair. That's where the judge will take place and next to it on the right was the witness stand. A small chair surrounded by a small fence. On the right side of the room was a part separated again through a small wooden fence for the judges. Then there was this table located right from the gate where Quinn and Santana sat and talked quietly. And last but not least there was a table and two chairs on the left side of the room. This part was divided by a much sturdier fence and it had an extra door behind it for people to enter and leave. She was kind of glad this case had many visitors because other wise Santana or Quinn might have seen her but like this she could more or less blend in with the crowd. She took a closer look at Santana. Brittany knew Santana like the back of her hand so she wasn't fooled by her fierce exterior. She saw the small signs that made it obvious that she was nervous. She was paler than usual, she fiddled with her pen and from time to time she would unconsciously moisten her lips with her tongue.

Brittany's observation had to stop when the judge walked in and everyone got ready for the trial. After the judge and the jury took their places Kyle was brought in. He was handcuffed and brought in through that door to the left with a man who had to be his lawyer.

At the sight of the man every muscle in Brittany's body tensed. The urge to run out of the building and keep going until her legs gave in burned in every muscle fiber in her body. Her brain was starting to go into lock down to avoid any bad thoughts but she couldn't keep them out and pictures started to flash before her eyes and she swore she felt all the unwanted and forced touches again.

She fought an inner battle. Brittany knew deep down how important it was for herself. She tried to focus on anything else to keep her grounded. She pressed her eyes closed and after a few breaths she could her the sound of a raspy voice filling the suffocating silence. The voice was clear, strong and unbending. It was Santana.

Brittany didn't even make out the words that were spoken. She just concentrated on the sound of The brunettes voice. Back when she was still prisoner of her own mind it was Santana's voice she wanted to go back to although at that point she didn't even know to whom it belonged. Brittany kept focusing on Santana's voice and the good thinks she connected with it. Slowly she felt her muscles let loose and she managed to calm down and open her eyes again. Brittany quickly looked around but nobody noticed her almost break down. The blonde decided to focus her attention on Quinn and Santana to make sure she wouldn't be thrown off again.

It was a sight to behold. Santana stood in the room talking and the sunshine coming through the window shone one her and she literally glowed. Brittany was drawn to her presence and light like a moth to the fire. Her personal beacon.

"That's why you honor we plead for guilty in all charges without any further acknowledgment of mental illness. As we have already given you a detailed copy of state psychiatrist Dr. Thompson's evaluation of Mr. Kyle Roberts health. He stated that there is no indication of mental illness. He claims Mr. Roberts as 100% certifiably sane." With that said Santana moved and sat down next to Quinn again. They both waited for either the judge or Kyle's advocate to say something. Well the advocate trying to help Kyle stood up obviously preparing to say something against Santana's statement. He was very tall and thin. Had sleazy black hair and sharp narrow eyes. His face looked kind of long and if Sam was 'Trouty Mouth' in high school this man would be a whole other league. His mouth was huge. Brittany thought he looked like a snake ready to devour his prey, if possible whole.

As he began to talk Brittany had to think about this movie where Keanu Reeves unknowingly became the advocate of the devil. She had to laugh because this man in front of her became willingly the advocate of a human devil trying to help although he had to know he was guilty. He is so to speak a real devil's advocate.

The snake lawyer talked about a lot of things Brittany didn't had the patience or the state of mind to listen to but she got the gist of things. Kyle's lawyer pleaded for "Giving the defendant the benefit of the doubt".

It was kind of ironic how enraged Brittany got when she heard those words because she could remember as if it was yesterday how Santana stumbled across that in her textbooks.

"_I hate this indecisive shit!" exclaimed a frustrated Santana. She was preparing for an exam and had to study some case examples._

_Brittany was in the kitchen getting herself a glass of water and made her way over to the living room where Santana was. As the blonde got into the living room she chuckled at the sight in front of her. Santana sat on the couch encircled by books and the recent reason for her frustration rested on the small table in front of her. She glared at it hard, as if by sheer willpower she could make the book burst into flames._

"_So what's made you all grumpy?" Brittany asked Santana in a teasing tone to earn herself a playful glare._

"_That's not funny Britt. I mean what is it with this whole "Giving the defendant the benefit of the doubt" shit? If there are doubts they should just research better until they can positively identify the culprit and nail him down. This sounds like a lame excuse to not have use some brains." She huffed clearly annoyed. _

"_But San what if someone really wasn't guilty and they would hold him in prison until they could prove otherwise? I mean you were the one that taught me that this stuff can take far too much time. It would be so easy to just accuse someone and get them out of the picture for a long while." Santana sighed and looked lovingly at the girl in front of her._

"_I know B that's why I just want them to dig deeper and only accuse if they really know they got the guy. I mean isn't this how this whole system should work? I mean if someone didn't do something there has to be proof he didn't or at least that someone else did it you know?"Brittany smirked went over to the Latina sat down in her lap and pinched her cheek lightly._

"_And all people think I am naive San." Santana looked up with a raised eyebrow._

"_What's naive about that? I mean isn't it how every good court of justice and well justice in general should work? Only hard evidence frees or arrests." Santana countered, never one to admit defeat._

_Brittany put the glass she still held in her hand on the table and wrapped her arms around Santana's neck._

"_Yeah that's probably the way it should work, " she whispered into Santana's ear leaving a gentle kiss there, "but it's also the way things just wouldn't work out. As I said before innocent people could be in jail for a really long time just because of a mistake or an accusation and you know better than me that this is exactly the kind of thing this little rule wants to prevent from happening. I mean what if I was falsely accused and landed in jail because of that?"Santana pondered the question then lift her head up to leave a gentle kiss on the blondes lips then smirk at her and say,_

"_Don't worry Britt, I would so send you a nail file."_

That was one week before Kyle's attack.

And now months later Brittany sat in a court room and balled her hands to fists. She knew even back then why Santana was so concerned about this being the perfect loophole for criminals to get away. And now it seemed the exact rule she defended would come and bite her in the ass. At the same time it kind of gave her hope. It was Santana the were talking about. She wouldn't let something as this loophole defeat her. She's a perfectionist when it comes to work. She must have something up her sleeve against that. That's why Brittany's eyes landed on Santana and her expression made it clear that she wasn't one bit surprised by what the devil's advocate uttered. To say she was shocked when Santana called Mike Chang Jr. in the witness stand would be an understatement. Mike and Santana were never close, that's why she never thought they would team up. Then Mike started answering all theses questions and they continued to hit home faster than Brittany would have liked.

"So Mr. Chang," Santana began, " you said to me Mr. Roberts behavior tended to be violent and inappropriate towards other colleagues? Could you please tell us more about that?"

Mike shifted in his seat. He felt uncomfortable one could see that immediately. Brittany knew Mike wouldn't want to really talk about what happened. First of all he must have some problems with that but Brittany guessed that he felt kind of guilty because he couldn't prevent it. It was silly but that's the kind of guy Mike was. A real friend.

"Well he made a colleague of mine feel uncomfortable with unwanted touching and just wouldn't stop this behavior. One night he overdid it and said colleague slapped him lightly to make him see reason. And he got out of control. If I hadn't been there... I don't want to know what could have happened. And well add to that the threat to make m dance group regret that I fired him and him actually doing it."

Brittany winced when Mike finished. She never told Santana that story because she would have killed Kyle and Brittany didn't want to see her girlfriend in jail. Mike was now asked to sit down again and he seemed relieved as soon as he reached the safety of the row behind the little gate separating active court parties and the observer.

The onslaught of talking brought down by Mike's statements seemed never ending. It was now that Kyle's lawyer saw his situation going into a rather bad direction that he kept talking about how Santana and Mike were biased because Santana was my girlfriend and Mike my friend. He said they had personal issues against Kyle and would let their feelings step in the way of justice. The discussion went on and it only got interrupted when Santana asked to leave the room to make a call concerning the trial. Although reluctant the judge allowed Santana to go outside to make her phone call. Brittany looked over at Quinn and could see the confusion on her face. So Quinn didn't know what Santana was up to. The blonde just then realized that if Santana wanted to leave the room she would come by her row – she had to hide! As Santana came nearer and nearer Brittany just did what every girl would do – duck. She hid behind the bench in front of her and the people sitting in her row too. Luckily Santana was too distracted by her phone to even notice anyone around her. After only two minutes Santana came back into the room and looked accomplished. Whatever she had up her sleeve was ready. It was the same look she had in high school when she won a round of pool against Puck and he had to hand over a crispy fresh $20 note.

As soon as she was at her rightful place next to Quinn she addressed the judge. " Your honor if you would allow I would like to call in another witness." The judge looked skeptical but none the less agreed to hear out this person.

As soon as called a tall brunette with emerald green eyes and red sultry lips entered the room. She wore skinny jeans and a blue blouse showing off her fantastic body.

"You honor Tracey Lanchester." Santana introduced the woman who immediately took a seat in the witness stand. After her instruction on her obligation to tell the truth which Brittany completely missed by Mike, she was still too stunned that he was actually here, Tracy looked at Santana ready for her questions.

"Miss Lanchester we previously talked about how you could help this court room to get a better perspective on Mr. Roberts. Please share your story with us." She nodded.

"Well I go to Nursing School and to pay the tuition fee I work as an exotic dancer at a bar. Well on one night I was working and Mr. Roberts was also there. After I finished working we talked and he bought me a couple of drinks. We were talking and he seemed like a nice guy. We went outside to catch a lungful of air and then he tried to kiss me. I didn't want to so I told him so and stepped back." With every word she uttered she sounded more uncomfortable and even fearful. Now that Brittany looked more closely at the woman she found it remarkable. As Tracey Lanchester entered she seemed to ooze sex. Looking closer her brave smile sent in Santana's direction was compassionate and kind. Her eyes although they showed fear had something very genuine and gentle. The small dimples the blonde could see on her face made her look cute and innocent. It hurt Brittany to hear that Tracey was possibly hurt as bad as she herself was.

For a short moment Brittany considered to just cover hear ears and hide from the pain. It was not her own but it still hurt deep inside her: Just as she wanted to literally stick her fingers in her ears like a little child Brittany's eyes met Tracey Lanchester's. It was only a second but Brittany swore that in that small second, however fleeting it was, Tracey could read her just as she had done seconds before. That this woman could see Brittany's pain and fear just as she saw hers.

It was exactly that second that counted because Tracey started talking before Brittany could cover her ears. A second she would be forever grateful for.

"At first he just tried to kiss me again but I wold him again and again that I didn't want him to kiss or touch me. He..."Tracey took a deep breath and looked up at Santana. Brittany couldn't see it but she knew Santana well enough that a reassuring smile was gracing her face, To help Tracey carry on.

"He got so mad. At first he started yelling and insulting me. I was so scared. He seemed to be capable of anything in that moment and I tried to run back into the bar. I couldn't because he was faster grabbed me and pushed me into a dark alley. I -," her voice was barely above a whisper and her eyes welled up with tears, " he pushed me against a wall and told me if I screamed he would beat me up into a bloody pulp and leave me bleeding to death on the ground like a big on the slaughter bank. So I kept quiet while he raped me. After he was ," she swallowed hard, " finished he threatened to find and kill me if I ever reported any of this to the police, so I never did until today." Tracey Lanchester was now sitting in the witness stand crying silently. Exposed for everyone to see. Not only physically but emotionally. Her confession made her so vulnerable and the decision these people would conclude today wouldn't only be about the shooting anymore but also about this woman who laid bare what happened to her. If they decided in Kyle's favor Tracey Lanchester would be automatically told that they didn't really believe her and make her greatest and worst fear come true. Kyle knows that she confessed to the police and she would always live with the fear that he would come and get her. Being afraid of the vengeance of a man who hurt you in this inexplicable way before was terrifying. A feeling Brittany knew too well herself.

It was now that Brittany got without a doubt why Santana wanted to keep her out of this case. The exposure the blonde felt just by listening to Tracey talking about what happened to her was almost too much. Still as much as Brittany didn't want to hear all of that she somehow knew that she just had to. She was not alone with her pain, saw her loved ones fight for her and came with every question and answer in this room one step closer to really face her problems. Thinking about it since she entered the room she only looked at Kyle once. Why? Because every time she saw his face he was suddenly above her, holding her down – hurting her. But was it worth it? Was is worth to not look at him in order to keep these images away? Brittany's thought went to Tracey Lanchester sitting in front of all these people bare, vulnerable, crying. And still she had her head held high. And here she was Brittany S. Pierce hiding behind a bench not even able to look at the man in the safety of a court room.

In that moment Brittany understood. You know people who realize at some point in their lives that what they are about to do in this precise moment will shape and mold them forever in an inexplicable way. It's nothing they can see or grasp. It's about something deep within them. Like a light switch. If you turn it on it will burn bright and illuminate your insides once again but if you turn away it will leave you dark and hollow. Brittany was in that moment of clarity standing in front of her very own light switch. Two paths laid out in front of her. And it was for the first time that she sat alone and had to choose.

Slowly and carefully Brittany lifted her head. The sun was higher now. The light that fell into the room was even brighter now and reached out and left every person in it's wake glowing softly and innocently. She looked around and her gaze landed on the jury. All people sitting there looked neutral and neither mimic or gestures could give away what they were thinking. It was kind of eerie. Then to Tracey who's crying has subsided and had a concerned Santana giving her a tissue and leading her down to a place in the first row. Quinn still at the table looked calm and confident. The judge had a glint in his eyes and Brittany suspected he had already made a decision for himself. And lastly her gaze fell on the desk behind the sturdy wooden wall at Kyle. Ironically the only place the light didn't touch, yet. Instead of the flashed she expected of him over herself all she saw was a man as pale as ash looking terrified at the retreating form of Tracey Lanchester.

For the first time Brittany saw fear in his eyes and she reveled in it. But not in the sadistic way like Kyle. She didn't want to feel power over him. She reveled in it because his fear made her feel so much lighter. As if that picture in her mind of the man who hurt her again was broken and replaced with a more human version of a person who could be stopped and dealt with. A picture of a man with slumped shoulders who didn't hold any power over her anymore. Brittany wasn't dumb and knew that the scars he left still ran deep and she had to keep working on herself but somehow her viewpoint on things kind of changed. At the beginning of this trial she thought that the decision made here in court would be the one to affect her the most but now she found that she didn't even care that much anymore. She realized that it wasn't the judge, Quinn, Danny or Santana who had to save her from Kyle it had always been herself. Her self made fearful picture of the man made her stand still in her healing process. Watching Tracey being so brave and confront her problem head on with her head held high made her realize all of that. In that moment it all seemed so clear and she could slap herself that she didn't notice it before. She sat there a while loner looking at Kyle, Quinn, Tracey and Santana a small smile playing on her lips. She stood up and silently walked out of the room and out of the court house. Switch flipped.

**A/N: Okay I only have one chapter left to go after that so this is really wrapping up. Leave a review if you like ;)**


	21. Chapter 21

**Hey guys. Okay I know I really don't have an apology for not updating for freaking ages and I'm really sorry. I just couldn't seem to get this last chapter out. I think it was one of the hardest chapters and I'm still not satisfied but well I just felt I had to finish this now. I hope you enjoy :)**

**Oh and special thanks to my reviewers:** **ZflashGleek11**,**Snixx22**,**PaperRomance**,**Sam**,**HBob** **and** **crystalynn2006** !

**Disclaimer: Glee is not mine!**

_5 years later_

The sun is bursting through the window and illuminates a mob of blond hair. Brittany is lying in bed fast asleep. She starts to wake slowly because the warm sun is tickling her face.

She rolls over and looks over at the clock 10am. She has slept in again.

Nowadays she just needs more and more hours of sleep and is often tired. She slowly gets up for a shower.

Just clad in a towel she then makes her way out of the room and dresses in a pair of jeans and a comfortable hoodie before texting Quinn.

She was hungry and she Knew if she offered Quinn an all you can eat bacon breakfast she would be there in about 10 minutes.

_**Britt**: Hey Q. How about some breakfast? Bacon Special at Marty's?_

_**LucyQ**: Be there in 10, no 5. See you there. -Q_

That's how five minutes later both women found themselves at their favorite diner Marty's. It had this road trip diner charm but still looked decent and not run down. There about 4 rows of tables with fluffy couches to sit on. Two at either end of the cafe and two in the middle leaving rows to walk between them. The walls were colored a light blue and the light that fell through the huge windows made the room glow in a soothing shimmer. At the counter stood Eva their favorite waitress. She was about 50 years old and old Marty's wife. The diner was theirs but Eva still insisted that she can work some shifts so they don't have to search for more employes.

Quinn and Brittany had claimed a table at the big windows – their usual. As soon as Eva saw them she greeted them with a smile and a wave and turned to her husband in the kitchen and ordered two bacon specials before she made a hot chocolate wit extra marshmallows for Brittany and a herbal tea for Quinn.

"God Brittany the bacon special idea was great. I'm starving and really what's better than some crunchy bacon?" Brittany loved because Quinn practically drooled while she spoke.

"Yeah I kinda really wanted to eat bacon today and who else would I want to get my bacon on with?" both women laughed at her faux ghetto speak.

Both women chatted and waited until Eva came with their usual drinks and plates full of bacon and eggs.

"Here you are girls." She said.

"Thanks Eva" was all Quinn could get out before she stuffed her mouth with bacon. She kind of looked like a hamster, with her cheeks puffed out to get all the bacon in her waiting mouth.

Eva and Brittany exchanged an amused look before the older woman left and Brittany dug in her own breakfast.

After Quinn's plate was wiped clean of bacon and only her eggs remained Quinn could actually start to talk and think again. It was cute in a way.

"So Britt how are you?" Quinn tried to sound nonchalant. She hadn't forgotten what day today was and neither had Brittany.

"I'm fine Quinn really." she smiled at her friend and looked her directly into the eyes to show her that she was telling the truth.

"Sorry for me asking B but today is the five year anniversary of the trial and I just worry about you. I know that for some time now you have been fine but I still worry." She bit her lip, "I don't want you to end up in this dark place again." Quinn looked kind of anxious talking about Brittany's mental state. But Brittany knew that her doubts and fears weren't unreasonable. After the trial she had kind of broken this huge ban Kyle had over her but it still wasn't over. She started then to slowly integrate in society again. And up until one year ago she went to sessions with kyle once a month. There were many ups and downs. Quinn would never forget, it was about one and a half years after the trial they were at a night club dancing the night away because just some months prior Brittany had the courage and the urge to dance again. Then some guy started to try to dance with her and she kept her cool really well and told him she wasn't interested but the guy was persistent and wouldn't back of and tried to feel her up that's when some kind of flipped switched in Brittany and she ran out of the club all the way home and shut herself in the bedroom. It took them hours to coax her out of there and stop her sobbing and embarrassment because I her own words she was still "such a wreck". Half a year later Brittany scratched at a guys face who touched her breast unintentionally in the subway.

But these were all small set backs and now she had been living for three years without any set backs or panic attacks or anything of the sort.

She had almost reverted back to the person she was before. And Brittany found that this almost was not even bad. She was still bubbly, lively and sweet Brittany but there was a new maturity to her. She was stronger and more confident in herself.

"Yeah I know Q but thanks to a certain whipped lawyer Kyle has at least about 20 more years to go if not life imprisonment. But really today it not about the sentence for me. I guess I kind of feel like this is a day I should celebrate. I know it sounds weird but five ears ago on this day was the time I really found myself again and stopped running. I know everyone was always telling me I could do this but that was the day it just clicked. Without this day I might still be in Danny#s apartment wasting away. You know what I never told anyone? " Quinn looked up surprised and slowly her eye brow made her way upwards. A gesture to tell her to continue.

"I was there at the trial. I sat in the back and watched." Quinn's eyes almost bulged out of her sockets. She didn't know what to say.

"But... How .. We didn't tell you..." Brittany grinned at her friend.

"Well you know with my top spy quality's I got the information. Well not really I just overheard Danny talking to Santana on the phone and decided that I had to be there. And I don't regret a thing because this decision kind of saved me." she stared out of the window , "But not only that but you and Mike saved me. Fighting against kyle in court. Mike was so brave. And then Santana well you know her Quinn, she is such a softie but when it counts she fights like a lion and is brave for everyone around her. I can never thank her enough. Since I know you helped her a lot little Lion Quinn you are also a big part of this. I can never give you back what you all gave me but I think we could kind of celebrate today together and I could start giving back by buying your bacon for you." Quinn had watery eyes and looked at Brittany lovingly.

"Britt you know we all would do it over and over again right? You are the sister I never had and Santana well I always tell her she's my long lost brother to tease her but really you guys are my best friends. My family so never think about giving me anything back. You would have done the same for me anytime." At that Brittany had to smile because she knew Quinn was right. In a heartbeat both her and Santana would have helped their friend in any way they could. Just like Quinn said they are family and family comes first.

"You can bet on it Q. Just as you said we are practically sisters and you and Santana well you are like bros or something, always calling each other out on your shit or sitting down and just drown stuff in alcohol." Both women smiled at each other their eyes locked on each other conveying trust and friendship and love for one another..

At that moment Brittany's phone beeped. She quickly got it out of her pocket and saw that it was from Santana.

_**San:** Britt I'll be home at about four. How about I make us some nice dinner and we get our cuddle on and watch a movie?_

_**Britts:** Hey :) Sounds perfect to me. See you later. Love you!_

Brittany smiled to herself for a while, that is until Quinn cleared her throat loudly and she remembered that she wasn't alone.

"Sorry just San. She'll be home about 4 and make us some dinner."

"She's really spoiling you rotten isn't she? You have her so whipped!" Quinn laughed and Brittany just smirked. "Well some people just play their cards well." That made Quinn laugh even harder because she could just picture Santana trying to put her foot down and Brittany sending her adorable pout, thus making Santana incapable of refusing her almost anything.

"Talking about whipped B have you and Santana talked about getting married or something? I mean given the situation I thought she would have popped the question by now." Brittany's eyes widen comically.

"Has she told you that she wants to propose? I mean we haven't talked about it and well you know I don't know if she wants to marry at all. I mean we are happy and …." Quinn stopped Brittany's rambling.

"B relax it was just a question. I just always thought Santana would marry you before. But I mean you are right you don't have to and all." She paused a moment and looked up at Brittany with soft eyes. "It's just you both have been through hell and back and in spite of that both of you are still together. In my opinion you are now stronger than ever. So I just thought if someone has proven that there is a forever and happily ever after then it's you two."

Brittany smiled over at Quinn and took her hand. She gave her hand a small squeeze and then said: "Quinn that was one of your corniest speeches yet." And then smiled up at the blond, who got beet red. "But I think it's cute and thank you. For believing in me and Santana. But really geez enough with the sentimental stuff for now. It's already 12.30 pm and I really need to get home and take a nap before San gets home. Don't want to be all grumpy you know." Quinn smiled shook her head laughing and asked Eva for the check but Brittany got ahead of her and handed Eva the money and a small tip. Eva didn't like that they gave her tips at all but Brittany insisted that the left her at least a small tip. She said goodbye to Marty and she and Quinn went their separate ways home.

When the blond arrived home it was 13 pm so she decided to take a nap before Santana got home. She went to their bedroom put on a pair of fluffy sweats and cuddled into Santana's pillow. When Brittany opened her eyes it was because there was a heavenly smell wafting through their apartment. When she turned to look at the clock it was 5 pm, which meant Santana was home already and probably cooking. Brittany got up and made her way outside of their bedroom and into the kitchen. Santana stood in front of the stove stirring something. Brittany made her way over to her girlfriend and hugged her from behind. At first Santana wanted to hit whoever was behind her with the wooden spoon she had in her hand but as soon as she smelled the distinct smell of Brittany she relaxed.

"Hey sleepy head. How are you today?" with that the brunette turned in Brittany's arms and planted a soft kiss on the blonde's lips.

"Mhh I'm great today. I had a bacon special breakfast with Quinn and well when I got back I wanted to take a short nap but you see how well that turned out." Santana chuckled pecked Brittany's lips again and turned to face the stove again.

"I hope you have some appetite left because I'm making spaghetti with meatballs for dinner and for dessert I have some Häagen Dazs Vanilla Caramel Brownie." Brittany's eyes lit up at the mention of her favorite dish and ice-cream. She let out a little squeal hugged Santana and kissed her lips while mumbling "You are the best." into her lips. That caused a dopey grin to stretch on Santana's face. She returned to her cooking and ordered Brittany to sit down and rest in the living room.

Now that she was alone again Santana was worried. She wanted to make sure Britt was okay. She was afraid that many bad emotions could come to the surface today and she was kind of afraid of a set back. Granted Brittany had been "clear" for three years now but Santana always got a little edgy today and especially the day the actual shooting happened. She shrugged these thoughts off for now and concentrating on serving dinner.

She sat the plates out in the living room and put a single white candle on their table. When all was set and Santana was satisfied with the whole set up she got Brittany and set her down pouring her a glass of apple juice.

Brittany smiled sweetly at Santana and both of them dug into their dinner talking about Santana's day at the firm. She was now a fully fledged lawyer. After Brittany's trial she went back to law school but luckily she didn't have to retake the courses she did before Brittany's incident. So now she was working in a small but rising law firm. She didn't want to work for Quinn- at least not now. She wanted to make a name for herself. Today was a slow day and she had been sitting in her office all day going over contracts.

After dinner they put their plates into the dishwasher, grabbed their ice-ream and cuddled up on the couch. Santana's left arm was around Brittany's shoulder and the blonde's head rested on Santana's shoulder. The brunettes other arm was wrapped around Brittany's upper body holding her close. They sat in comfortable silence until Santana started talking.

"Are you okay Britt?" Brittany sighed She knew Santana was asking about this particular day because really although Santana thought she was subtle she had been asking every year about how she felt on that day as well as the day of the shooting.

"San I'm fine really. I told you if I feel bad I will tell you immediately." Brittany tried to soothe the brunettes nerves.

"I'm sorry for asking you this again but you know I don't want to lose you again and well I have to look out for my family. And that means both of you." Brittany smiled as Santana's hand slowly rubbed her small but noticeable baby bump.

They both knew they wanted to have kids and at first Santana was doubtful if it was wise for Brittany to carry their child but the blond was sure about this. She didn't want what happened to her dictate her life. And if she was honest since she knew she loved Santana she wanted to have a family with her and have their baby. And eve now that wish was steel there that's why after Santana had a steady job with good income and Brittany was promised a spot at Mike's studio until she was too pregnant they had several inseminations done and well seeing Brittany's stomach it definitely worked. Brittany went to monthly check us with Kyle to ensure the health of both Brittany and the baby and well Santana had been even more concerned and sweet than ever.

"I know but I just told you we are fine. You pamper us all the time San. We are perfectly fine and you shouldn't worry so much. Enjoy the days we have to ourselves because when the little one is out we will have our hands full." Santana's eyes glowed with excitement.

"I wouldn't have it any other way B." She kissed her again on the lips then, the forehead and both eyes. Brittany sighed content and snuggled up further into Santana's embrace. When she thinks back she would never have imagined that her life would turn out like this. Well probably with her and Santana being together and all but all the kyle drama were never part of the plan. But now she all of this behind her she tries to think about the things it showed her. Brittany had never been closer to Quinn and Santana and her were stronger than anyone. Although her life had a horrible deep cut she still loved it and she was so grateful for all the people who made that possible for her. She wondered what life still had in store for her. But she couldn't guess how close the future was because Santana in that moment thought to her jacket pocket were a gorgeous wedding band waited to be put on a delicate finger.

**A/N: Thank you all for reading. I really enjoyed this little "adventure" and I hope you had as much fun reading as I had writing this.**

**P.S. Hope you could handle the fluff and all. I just thought after I put these people through hell they deserve a really fucking cotton candy melting happy end^^**


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